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Would you rather use Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony, or some other service? Why?

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My first question is: Would you rather use Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony, or some other service? Why?.

My next question is: Ok...I hate feeling like the overparanoid, overthinking girlfriend, and that's how I've been feeling lately, but I can't tell if it's because I have reason to be that way (because they are my natural instincts), or if it's because of my past. My boyfriend and I are going on our 3rd year together and lately I just feel like there's something going on that I don't know about. Let me tell you why. Recently my boyfriends brother just broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years and has been wanting a wingman for whenever he goes out clubbing looking for women to hook up with, and my boyfriend has claimed that role because of course it's his brother. I'm fine with all that. I don't have a problem with him and his brother going out and having a good time every now and then.

I know my boyfriend and his brother love to dance, which is great...when I'm the one he's dancing with. But will a guy please clear something up for me...is it honestly fesible that when these two go out and are drinking all night that my boyfriend doesn't dance with women??? And I wouldn't care if they were dancing if the style today wasn't all about buming and grinding you know??? But that's all it is about today in clubs!! Right?? So if everyone thinks I'm right (and if not please tell me) is this something to get upset about? To me I know it's not cheating exactly, but it is a respect thing and I would NEVER do that when I'm out. And then there's always the possibility that it could lead to something right??.

I know what you're going to say...talk to him about it...right? Well I tried that and he got so defensive and turned the whole thing around on me and didn't even give me a straight answer. And used the trust card, which I understand...relationships mean trust...I trust him, I don't think he has ever cheated on me...but cheating and respecting one another in a relationship (thru Match.com) is not just black and white! It's not as simple as that to me..

So the other part of my long discussion is the way he handled things last Friday night when he went out. This is how it went. He told me him and his brother were going out for drinks and dinner then they'd be back and would call me when he got home, and would probably come over. I ended up falling asleep and woke up at 12:30am...still not a problem for me. So he calls me and tells me he's out dancing at a club with his brother. I'm still ok at this point.

I said ok. I end up waiting for his call until 3am (1 hour after all the bars close) and I still haven't heard from him, so I call him a couple times...no answer...I text message him...no answer. At this point my brain goes into over drive and I'm pissed. He finally texts me at 4am saying he just got home. I call him up asking where he's been and I start catching him in his lies.

Then he tells me he met up with a friend on the way up to his apt and ended up going there for awhile talking and drinking...that's still not the problem. The problem is...why didn't he answer when I called him and was texting him??!! He said it was in his back pocket and didn't know I was calling...I call bs on that one and he keeps insisting that was the case. I gave him the benefit of the doubt the whole night, and every night he goes out, but there was something off about that entire night. Do I trust my instincts or do I forget about it?? Will someone please put this into perspective for me because I'm so confused! Am I being overparanoid? Help.

Thanks for taking the time to read this...I know it was long..

Comments (1)

Your question was: Would you rather use Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony, or some other service? Why?.

Honey dont worry about being paranoid! It is totally normal for you to want to talk to him about what goes on when he is there and if he is getting defensive AND turning it around on you then I would say you have a problem! I just ended a relationship (thru Match.com) for the same behaivior and when he was finally being truthful with me I was amazed at the things he finally told me! (he thought he would try the truth which was his last resort to talk me out of leaving).

He did the very thing you are talking about and I knew he was lying to me. I just kept telling him to stop lying to me and he finally did. I knew something was wrong but I had to be strong enough to get to the bottom of it even if I knew I wasnt going to like what I was hearing..

 If you are in a stable, good relationship (thru Match.com) than you should be able to voice your concerns and he should want to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about instead of turning and twisting and confusing things. Also You may want to look at the way you aproach him about it. Not an excuse, but are you putting him on the defensive? Did you ask him like he had cheated on you or did you just ask if he dances with other girls? Either way he should understand your side of this. Have you ever asked to go along and be the girls he dances with?.

I hope that I am wrong but experience has taught me there is always a good reson that we have"feelings" about things...

Comment #1


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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