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Would it be weird if I was searching the yahoo personals or match.com and then looked up them up on

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My first question is: Would it be weird if I was searching the yahoo personals or match.com and then looked up them up on .

My next question is: I must say I really love my special someone with all of my heart .. Problem is she is becomes defensive and doesnt understand, situation for example.  We live with my parents at this time do to are financial situation, her father who I love and accept with all my heart,  my brother and his wife came to town to visit and meet her and stay a few days with my parents also. her father dropped in to visit , after a few hours of hanging out with my girlfriend she didnt understand when it came time for us to unwind and it was time for just immediate family type company, with just her and my immediate family. I am I wrong for wanting her father to leave to accompany this situation. Thank you.....

Comments (5)

Your question was: Would it be weird if I was searching the yahoo personals or match.com and then looked up them up on .

Hi Raymondjames,.

 .

I think that since you are living with your family it is easy for you to say that it was time for company to leave.  If I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like everyone was having a really good time, it was getting late, and you thought since her Dad wasn't staying with you that it was an appropriate time to have company gone. .

I think that since her other family was staying with you that Dad just missed judged the time.  They were probably all just having such a good time..

So it's not necessarily wrong, but is this really worth a fight?  Your SO might just have been thinking it was no big deal because you two all always around family right now.  It's really hard to live with family especially when it is not your own immediate family.  Remember this was her immediate family..

Hope this helps a little! and glad to have you on the board!!.

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           ..

Comment #1

No offense, but I think I might have sided with your SO on this one. Her father is her immediate family, so understandably she'd like to spend time with him and not risk hurting his feelings by asking him to leave. (What time was it anyway?) Did he have to go home to his house alone?She probably spends more time that she'd like with your family because you live with them, so I think you have to make some concessions when it comes to spending time with her family. And, if you do ever get married, you should keep in mind that you're marrying "into the family," not just marrying the woman.Just my opinion......

Comment #2

This one requires diplomacy and tactfulness and understanding on your part.  Every household has their own "rules" that they live by and your household obviously likes company to depart at a certain hour, regardless of who the "outside" company may be..

I'm sure your SO doesnt see her father as an outsider and would expect you and your family to be able to do the things that they normally do during the hours that you use to wind down from the day. .

I think that a compromise would be best here.  Maybe someone like her father should be included in on your "immediate family" only list for that time of the day...

Comment #3

IMO yes you were wrong.......Her father is her immediate family, yours is not the only one that counts. There are two people in this relationship. If it were reversed would you appreciate her telling you your parents needed to leave? Especially when you would be spending a lot of time with her family because you lived with them? Or maybe she could have left with her father and had her wind down time with HER immediate family, and that would give you the green light to have time with your family. Doesn't sound quite right now does it?The sooner you get your financial difficulties in order and get your own place the better off you will be...

Comment #4

<< after a few hours of hanging out with my girlfriend she didnt understand when it came time for us to unwind and it was time for just immediate family type company, with just her and my immediate family. I am I wrong for wanting her father to leave to accompany this situation. >>.

Generally speaking, I tend to 'side' with the men who come to the boards for advice ... but, in this case, I don't see that your GF was out-of-line at all.   When you say "just immediate family type of company" ... well, isn't her father HER immediate family?    Yes, he is.   Be careful of position 'her' family against 'your family' in terms of your relations ... it will only serve to drive a wedge between you and her..

I'd say in the future, if her family is present ... treat them as YOUR OWN.   That might help ... a lot.   I understand that your brother and SIL were visiting ... but, there isn't any reason, IMO, that her father couldnt/shouldn't be considered 'part of the family.' .

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Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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