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Words/actions?

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I feel like such an idiot even posting this...I just need some feedback.So my bf and I are exclusive and I am absolutely head over heels in love with him...like, he could be "the one" in love with him. Yes, gag, I know...this isn't like me.So anyway, I came to this realization a few weeks ago before I left town for business for two weeks. He treats me like the most special person in the world, we do family things together (he has a 3 year old son), always wants to see me, I've met and spent time with all of his family and he says things in passing about "the future". Perhaps it was my nerves about flying but I left him this voicemail from the airport...to sum it up...I need to talk to you about how I feel, because it's written all over my face and we need to talk when I come home and I don't want to just blurt things out. Then I said, unless you're not ready and that's fine because I'm happy the way things are. Returned my call and he said...I'm looking forward to having the conversation when you get home and seemed excited about it.SO I'm home and I've brought this up casually twice but we haven't talked about it yet.

I know ivillagers...just say it. But I don't want to freak him out and send him running. After all, why wouldn't we have talked about the message? Thoughts? I'm usually not like this. I'm usually straight-forward and up-front but I just feel so vulnerable. He's generally not a good talker about "feelings" although he's an excellent listener but I know he cares deeply from my by the way he acts.Am I being silly that I'm caught up in hearing those words?? Thanks everyone..

~Kelly~.

 Marrying my best friend and soul mate on June 20. 2008!..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Words/actions?.

Almost five months.

~Kelly~.

 Marrying my best friend and soul mate on June 20. 2008!..

Comment #1

<<Am I being silly that I'm caught up in hearing those words?? >>I think you're more anxious over SAYING them! YOu've said you wanted to take about YOUR feelings - so tell the man how you feel. This isn't 'I tell you how I feel so you'll tell me the same back' Love is supposed to be shared openly and without expectation. He'll say it when he's ready and feeling it. Ans it's ok to blurt it out. Because once it's out, the door is open for more discussion.So why are you so fearful of him running away when his actions shows his genuine affection? Saying I love you doesn't cause men to leave UNLESS they are the wrong man. Personally, I've had a hard time witht his too - but not saying what you feel is kinda silly - you still feel it and by not sharing the love you feel, you deny the other person teh opportunity to SHARE IT!Quit hiding from it and do it! Do it afraid.

Toni..

Comment #2

I usually let the guy say those words first. For some bizarre reason men need to feel that they lead the relationship (thru Match.com) dance from the dance floor to the bedroom to wedding altar. Men need to "lead". Your guy may be totally different. But you have built it up already so you may as well say it. You even said he seemed excited by it - so go for it...

Comment #3

Five months isn't that long, but you know how you feel inside. My guy and I said those words, he first, at about three months. Then he freaked and realized at month four it was too soon. Try something different for now, so you can convey your feelings with out the L bomb! Tell him "I'm crazy about you" or "I'm so happy" or something like that to get him used to the idea it's more than a friendship. Then let him tell you those words later down the line.As a single parent, you must remember he's not only protecting his heart but that of his child, and that is a good trait.Let it simmer a bit. Actions speak louder than words for sure!Good luck!Ptty.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #4

I had a boyfriend who told me he loved me 6 whole days after we had met. I thought he was crazy at the time, but I think deep down somewhere I knew this was the real thing because I kept going out with him even after that and we were together for years. This has been the pattern in my own relationships so I personally generally don't subscribe to any steadfast "rules" and believe you should just say how you feel. Don't hold back.If it's meant to be, it's meant to be and if it's truly mutual, he/she won't be scared off by whatever you say. They may not say it back right then to you, and don't be upset and don't expect them to!!! (I didn't say it back to him when he told me after knowing me only 6 days! I thought he was nuts! LOL), but if they're truly into you, it won't scare them off...

Comment #5

Of course you want to hear the words, and he now knows that you likely want to say them. But let him bring up the message, or just allude to it casually and see his reaction..

 .

I know it's hard for him to express feelings but you went pretty far out on a limb - he was receptive which is lovely. But let him also step out on a limb - perhaps he'll surprise you and even be able to say those words first.

,..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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