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WOMEN/girls/CHICKS.....Do you mind meeting guys from MATCH.com, MYSPACE.com, AdultFriendFinder.com??

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My first question is: WOMEN/girls/CHICKS.....Do you mind meeting guys from MATCH.com, MYSPACE.com, AdultFriendFinder.com??.

My next question is: So, I want to know - how do you know when a man is losing interest?  If in the beginning he is calling several times a day, texting several times during the day, calls or texts to say good night, returns calls promptly, etc., then later on his several calls and texts dwindle to one a day, no good night calls/texts, and phone calls are returned sporadically, does this mean he is losing interest?  No mention of being unusually busy, btw or any other changes in his life..

Or is this how men generally get after getting comfortable and the "chase" is gone?  Conversations are still good when we do talk so that hasn't diminished.  But before, his actions were clear that he was always thinking of me and was always very considerate about calling when he said he would or returning calls promptly, or sending a text if he wasn't able to call for a few hours, etc.  I always liked this about him - he was RELIABLE.  He made sure I always knew what he was doing/where he was..

Now, his communications are sporadic and I'm confused.  Could this be a sign that he's found someone else to occupy his time and is texting/calling?  We don't live in the same state so calls/texts are our main avenue to staying in touch. ..

Comments (11)

Your question was: WOMEN/girls/CHICKS.....Do you mind meeting guys from MATCH.com, MYSPACE.com, AdultFriendFinder.com??.

Infatuation has significant influence on a person's behavior, however, it is virtually impossible for infatuation to last an extended period of time.  With infatuation a person will often neglect other important parts of their life while becoming so intensely focused on the person associated with the infatuation.  Then the time comes to re-balance life so that all of our wants, needs, expectations, goals and priorities are recognized, supported and part of our lives.

I honestly think this is what is happening here, rather than him losing interest in you.  Unfortunately, some people essentially get addicted to infatuation, expecting it to never end or they quickly float from one infatuation period to another, because they need that high..

Real relationships start to grow after infatuation has subsided.  This is evident in that the quality of your conversations remain very good...

Comment #1

I've had it mean that he was losing interest, I've had it mean that he was relaxing into the relationship, and I've had it mean that the way he was in the beginning wasn't the real him, it was him showing his best foot forward and that the real him was less reliable than I first thought..

Only time will tell which it is in your situation, unfortunately.  And yes, in a LDR it's really tough when this happens!.

Sheri..

Comment #2

Well, his infatuation was over an extended period of time!    It's been over a year and it's just recently (in the last few weeks to a month) that this has happened.  For me, I very much appreciate consistency in someone because I am that way as well.  I understand that after a while things aren't as "dreamy" as they used to be in the beginning but this signifies a "change" and I have to admit I don't like change. .

I'm just not sure how to react to this change.  I mean, I've never really been the one to initiate communication.  He's always been the one to call/text most of the time with me returning his calls, responding to his texts, etc.  I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into this and this slow down in communication is something that was bound to happen..

Still worried that there might be someone new in the picture though...hmmmm......

Comment #3

Infatuation often lasts between 6 and 9 months, so it's not a far stretch to see it last 12 months, especially in an LDR since you're not always together..

Since it has been more than a year and you rarely initiate conversation, perhaps it's time for you to step up to the plate and start treating this relationship (thru Match.com) as being one of equality.  Think about it - if he has to do all the work related to initiating, how does he measure your interest in him, since you are clearly measuring his interest in this way?.

Equality-based and mutually-beneficial are key here...

Comment #4

The reduction in his call volume could be the result of a lack of participation on your part.  Maybe it would be nice for you to initiate some contact. ..

Comment #5

Have you asked him about it?  Seems like that would be the logical thing since you've been together as long as you have..

Sheri..

Comment #6

You guys are right.  Maybe I should start initiating more.  I just don't like coming off needy or anything so sometimes I go a little overboard with the nonchalant attitude and I guess that could backfire and make it seem like I'm not interested at all! .

Thanks for your responses!..

Comment #7

So he called and left a vm on my mobile while I was at work.  Called him back on my way home.  No surprise he didn't answer.  And this is what I failed to mention.  The majority of the time that I DO call him, he doesn't answer.  But he always returned my calls shortly thereafter.  So after a while I just got tired of calling and always getting his VM.  So I figured, if he wants to talk, he'll call, which he always did..

I'm not a confrontational person at all, but I'm beginning to realize that if I want answers in life, I need to ask!  So, I sent him a text asking if there was a reason for the lack of contact lately.  Haven't gotten a response yet.  I would ask him in person, but hey! he doesn't answer his phone! .

I hear everyone in regards to communication/contact is a two way street.  And I have tried to initiate but I've lost the drive to do so if everytime I try I get the vm.  Anyway, what I'm really concerned about here is the change, albeit slight, in behavior.  He's gone from being very reliable, almost predictable, considerate, etc, to a phone call here and there, a return call hours later.  Yet, when he can't reach me, it's always innuendos of me being on a date using Match.com or being with another guy..

Anyway, this all may sound very trivial, but when I notice a change in a man's behavior, red flags go up! ..

Comment #8

<< Still worried that there might be someone new in the picture though...hmmmm.... >>.

Why?  Because it's long distance?  IMO, relationships that start long distance are ... well, difficult at best is an understatement.   Not to be a downer ... but, dating (online dating with Match.com) requires interaction.   Long distance prohibits that.  Therefore, you never really get to "date" which is part of building the foundation of a relationship.  .

If you're worried that there might be someone else in the picture ... then, that's an indication that you don't trust him.   You might want to examine where that feeling is coming from within yourself.

<< So, I sent him a text asking if there was a reason for the lack of contact lately.  >>.

I 100% agree that to get answers you have to ask.  But, I think texting him that question was a bad move.  Text isn't a form of communication.   It's a great way to quickly say "hi!" or something ... but, please ... don't attempt to pose a serious question or have a 'conversation' via text.   That's futile.  .

<< I would ask him in person, but hey! he doesn't answer his phone!   >>.

Well, patience is a virtue.   Use this as a rule of thumb:  If you wouldn't want the answer BACK via text ... then don't ASK a question via text.   I mean, really ... would you want for him to attempt to answer that question via text?  Wouldn't you rather him verbally tell you whatever his reason is for less contact lately.   .

Really.  Think about it.  Don't use texting a substitute for real, honest to goodness communicating.  .

If something is important to you ... WAIT to ask it.   Patience.

<< Yet, when he can't reach me, it's always innuendos of me being on a date using Match.com or being with another guy. >>.

Ah, well there's the kicker ... stick a fork in this.  Its done.  You're both suspicious of each other's intentions and motives.   Sounds like you don't really know each other well enough to trust that you're not seeing other people.  Why bother being in a relationship (thru Match.com) like this?    date using Match.com someone closer to home.  .

 .

 ..

Comment #9

Yes, slow but steady is much healthier than combustion, that hot ash intensity which cannot last.

,..

Comment #10

I agree with the other poster that texting isn't the right way. You want him to talk to you about this. Hopefully, he'll get the seriousness of your text and call.

In my experience, long-distance relationships typically lose steam unless there's some promise that one of you is going to move. Maybe he had been hoping the circumstances would change where you two could be together more, but he's slowly coming to the conclusion that this isn't happening and there simply isn't enough contact for him. It's hard to say because I don't know what your status is - have you agreed to be exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend, or were you just dating? How often do you see him?..

Comment #11


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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