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Why does Dr. Phil openly endorse Match.com and Yahoo Personals which have large numbers of fake prof

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My first question is: Why does Dr. Phil openly endorse Match.com and Yahoo Personals which have large numbers of fake prof.

My next question is: I am 36 and seemingly on my way to spinsterhood.  I have profiles on practically every dating (online dating with Match.com) website I've come across, I belong to social groups, I go to events and parties, I've even joined a very expensive matchmaking service (big mistake!) because I feel I need to be out there dating (online dating with Match.com) and meeting people ... but my overall reaction to men seems to be, "blah", "meh" or "no thanks!".  I just don't find most men attractive  (and it isn't even necessarily good looks I'm going for here.)  They simply do not inspire anything in me that I consider a turn on.  (I'm totally heterosexual BTW)  I feel like going out on dates with guys I'm not really attracted to is not so much a pointless venture as an unpleasantry I would literally be forcing myself to do.  Should I bother with this rote activity, or should I just give up and hope that someone special will come directly into my life?  I feel like I'm running out of time and I need to take action, but I'm just so reluctant...

Comments (6)

Your question was: Why does Dr. Phil openly endorse Match.com and Yahoo Personals which have large numbers of fake prof.

Stop making dating (online dating with Match.com) and finding a bf your #1 priority.  Your inner voice is telling you that for whatever reason you are just not ready.  Dont quit doing your activities just accept being uninterested in dating (online dating with Match.com) for a while, continue to do things for you.  When you are ready you will know and once you lose the "desperation" that you "have" to date using Match.com you will develop a calm peacefulness about yourself.  I bet that once you lose your desperation you will meet some terrific guy..

Good luck.

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Comment #1

I relate to the ambiguity you describe. I've been single for a long time and have a full life in many respects, but have longed for a suitable companion. dating (online dating with Match.com) is not something I relish. I haven't met men that I feel were resonant with who I am. It takes a lot of energy to put yourself out there and risk disappointment and rejection. I've been dating (online dating with Match.com) a man now who I feel a genuine connection to , albeit I ran away from him initially when he came on way too strong for me after the first date.

I chose to stretch beyond my preconceived ideas about him, and as a result I'm learning a lot about myself as I date using Match.com this man. What's astounding me is how I struggle with being open and accepting. He's patient, creative, intelligent, and kind and we have a great time together. There's definite chemistry. Yet, when he reveals his human flaws and insecurities I find myself shutting down and going into negative projections.

Sure, I met men who were absolute deal breakers, but I also wonder about how my disillusionment and rampant negative projections insulated me from taking certain risks. I am risking now, and sometimes I'm a neurotic mess with allowing myself to risk my trust and vulnerability, and sometimes it feels great. I do hope you find a man to test the waters with. For me it is most certainly a challenge, but one worth taking...

Comment #2

It sounds like you have self esteem and ambivalence issues going on. I suggest seeing a therapist to help you sort out what's going on, where you're at, etc.  Best of luck.

,..

Comment #3

Thank you all for your advice.  I do have self esteem issues and I have been in therapy for over a year now.  Things are improving, but slowly..

I've been experiencing a lot of bad luck with the men I am interested in dating - as in, they literally run away from me, and it's been getting me down.  I know I'm attractive and have a lot to offer someone, but I had a bit of a rough adolescence and I never really developed the proper kind of confidence to deal with the opposite sex.  I'm sure this is why I keep getting rejected.  I don't even know how to flirt!  I'm tired of having to live this way feeling like no one I am interested in will ever reciprocate and I am powerless to do anything about it...

Comment #4

Can I ask, what type of man do you find attractive? What is attraction based on for you? What is it that you're failing to find?.

I'm 38 and didn't meet my bf till I was 34. I'm all about looks and very strong physical attraction has always been very important to me. I was insanely attracted to my bf when I met him and still am 5 years later. Same goes for height - he's 6.2 - I've always loved very tall blokes. Decent, easygoing and a bit of a child at heart. That's about it for me, that's all I've ever wanted. I'm just trying to say that if in addition to great looks, height and a great personality I was looking for a super-degree in a super-profession, a six figure salary, own home, brand new car, huge savings account, aversion to alcohol, cigarettes and generally entertainment of the local bar kind etc etc etc... I'd still be looking for that elusive perfect man...

Comment #5

Yes, live your life. When you are happy with yourself, engaged with the world, the rest will follow.

,..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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