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Why do i do this???

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I sabotage potential relationships. no one else's; just mine. I guess I get too overeager. I was talking to this one guy, for almost a month, and then one day, nothing. he stops calling (he WAS calling me). the other guy, who seemed to be seriously attracted to me: I may have scared him off.

Very heavy conversation, of which I will not get into. we exchanged pics, as well, and now I am humiliated for myself. that was earlier, and I have not spoken to him since. I think I have lost any respect he may have had for me at all (if any), but more than that, I lost my own self respect. I am the girl who "would never do that kind of thing".

Why do I do this to myself?? I don't know what is wrong with me, besides the fact that I make royally stupid choices. please help me!..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Why do I do this???.

Do you have any idea as to what you could have said or done with the first guy to think you sabatoged anything? Were the pictures you exchanged with the second guy graphic in nature? Is that why you feel humiliated?..

Comment #1

You are making poor choices because you aren't in touch with who you are. You are looking for attention in all the wrong places. I would suggest counseling to get in touch with you before you continue dating. Once you love yourself you would be surprised with how many men you will attract.Cindy..

Comment #2

I agree with Cinderella. You need to find yourself right now. What YOU like and what makes YOU happy. Get off the internet for a while! There are not alot of honest guys out there. They are there stalking and prowling for one thing only. When you give it to them, they go away.Read, walk, excersice.

Just get out there and do what you like to do for YOU. You will begin to meet people who have truly the same interests as you, and who you will meet face to face and see what they're all about.I don't know how old you are, but you really need to take care of yourself before you can look for someone else in your life. Remember.........get off those internet sites fast. They are only tempting troubles.....Good luckPatty.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #3

Newyear_newlife05 makes some good suggestions. But you already know what your issue is, you feel you get overeager. When you get overeager you behave in ways that are more appropriate for a relationship (thru Match.com) that you have been a part of for a longer period of time. Since you get close too fast these men will either take advantage of that or leave or both.The best way to handle this is to slow down. Take each day as it comes. If a guy doesn't contact you again, then just rest assured that you will meet someone else one day.

That is how guys get over...playing the "so hard to find a good man" card. Women act like if they don't get the current guy they are dating (online dating with Match.com) to propose then it is the end of their love life. It is not the end. There are more men out there who will want you. Since you cannot change anyone's behavior except your own, the best thing to do is to slowly get to know people.

If you feel the need to move fast then you need to ask yourself why. Is it because you are impatient? Is it because you are in pain? I'm sure you will discover the reason one day...

Comment #4

Well it sounds like some of your issues are self fulfilling prophecies - you expect to 'sabatage' potential relationships and then guess what happens.   However I don't know what happened to the guy who stopped calling after a month -there were no specific details, these things happen sometimes...

As for the second incident it does sound like risky behavoir - is this someone you have not even met? The good part here is that it left you feeling so awful (and we all make mistakes so please begin the process of forgiving yourself) if you're in this situation again you can recall how this felt and how much you regretted it.

Again life is about learning and growing and if you don't learn and grow from experiences that make you feel awful you should ask yourself why you want to be 'stuck' in negative patterns.  Seeing a counselor to help you on this journey might be a healthy, self-loving step..

Best of luck and I hope you begin to be kinder toward yourself.  It is still so very, very possible love is in your future..

,..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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