Why do guys use

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My first question is: Why do guys use

My next question is: Hello, all!!.

First time posting here......

I tend to ramble but I'll try my best to keep this post under control. LOL.

I've been dating (online dating with a great (and I mean GREAT) guy for about three months now. He's 34 and I'm 32. He's very, very successful within his career, well-established (owns a house, just paid off his car, etc.), treats me like a princess (refuses to let me pay for anything, always opens doors, always concerned with if I'm having a good time/pleased with dinner, etc.), and let's not even get into how amazingly hot he is. Wow. We have so many fundamental things in common it's kinda weird. All sounds like a dream come true, right? Well....I personally think it is but (probably due to my own insecurities) I have to sometimes wonder what he's thinking..

He was the first to refer to us as a couple by calling me his girlfriend. I was the first to say the 'L' word. Yes, I realize it may be too soon for that but I lost someone very close to me years ago in a car accident and I never told them how much I loved them/cared about them so, ever since then, I just want to get it out there because life is too short.  He hasn't returned the 'L' word...he says "all in due time" and that he wants to mean it 100% when he does, which I can respect. He seems to enjoy hearing it from me, though.It just kinda makes you feel stupid when you say the 'L' word and you recieve a "thanks, babe" in return.  He has a rather stressful job and I understand how that goes. If it's a perfect week, we'll see each other three times, two of which, being sleep-overs.

Whenever we go out, it's always to restaurants/bars for drinks and dinner. If I stay over, it's the dinner/drinks, some 'bedroom time' and then sleep. This isn't a bad thing but it's starting to leave me feeling a little frustrated. Don't get me wrong: I love going out and having a good time but that's not what's truly important to me. I emailed him last night when I got home and told him that I want to know HIM and want him to know ME...that I want to have something real with him...that when he has to travel, he knows there's someone waiting him who loves and cares and that knowing that actually means something to him...and that he can't wait to see that person (ie. me) again...not just for social interaction but because he cares.

Maybe I just think too much. Don't misunderstand: I'm not looking to get married or anything like that. Maybe we're just at one of those infamous "plateaus" or something. I just hate that feeling of frustration. Can anyone relate??.

Thanks for letting me vent. I guess I'm just looking for a sounding board or something. Any thoughts/opinions would be great!!!.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!!.



"Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you.....Oh, continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved - ever thine - ever mine - ever ours.....".

~taken from Ludwig van Beethoven's third letter to the Immortal Beloved..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Why do guys use

3 months is very short.  My boyfriend said he loved me 6 days after we met (Yes, 6 days), so of course I wasn't ready to say it back.  But he never asked me about it.  He was very patient.  At the same time he said it only a couple of times at the most after that first time.  He wasn't pushy about it.  If he said it to me all the time, I would feel pressure to say it back and I never do anything I don't want to so I would get annoyed.  I know you said he likes it when you say it, but I personally still wouldn't say I loved him all the time.   ..

Comment #1

Is the love you are feeling the "in love" that happens very quickly within a relationship (thru or the deep love that a couple experiences as time goes on? .

If you want to change your social agenda then suggest something different.  What is it that you feel you could do with each other that will help you get to know him better? Dont you talk with each other during drinks, dinner and other times? ..

Comment #2

Hi Winnie,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I'm happy for you - that you've found such a good guy!!!.

I'd slow down telling him you love him.  He might see this as pressure.  You can still love him and show him this in all kinds of ways.  Be creative. I think your mans' honesty about his "love" for you is wonderful.  You don't want him to say it unless he means it!!  Also I'd come right out and suggest a different kind of date using the next time he asks you out.  We all feel this frustration on these Pleatues.  Be patient.  We all over at different paces..

Good Luck,.




Comment #3

Hi Winnie....

First of all, I am happy for you in your new relationship!! I can feel your situation... but my advice is to not push or over analyze it too much.  When I first started dating (online dating with my boyfriend, it seemed difficult to form a deep bond. We had a great time together, did lots of movies and dinners....and I adored him.  But yet it seemed like conversation stayed superficial a bit more than I'd have liked.  I tried not to freak over it, I had no reason to think he was disinterested.  He encouraged our get togethers, but it was getting repetitious.  It was right around 3 months that this happened.  I waited it out, I didn't pressure, but tried to build things together.  I stepped out and recommended us starting hobbies together, or trying new things.  I would throw in more "We should do this" type ideas.  Now, two months later, we've gone on trips out of state, have common hobbies, and have started building things together.  It took a little over 3 months to exchange the I love you's.  I still have worries, wants from my BF too... for example, I drive A LOT to see him probably 5-6 days a week.  He appreciates it, and has mentioned living together early on... but now that we are MUCH closer, I would like to revisit it, but I just don't feel it's the time for him yet.  So I'll hold off, as much as I want to know if he sees that in our future, I have to be okay with relaxing on it too... it will come..

Long story short, relationships are cyclical... you'll hit a growth spurt, and plateu... then it will surge foreward again.  Try not to let insecurities smother you in your plateus, because they will.  I have lost a few relationships to wanting my reassurance, but it will come REALLY look at what you have, and think "Is it worth pushing this, or can I give it time to grow?" and it will.  Maybe faster than you think... I know I couldn't be happier, and i'm much more secure with my BF now, knowing that he will come around to things on his own and that I don't need to worry..

I hope this helps, or reassures you Good luck and Enjoy the ride!.


Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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