Your question was: Why did Yahoo dating UK - change to Match.com?.
Would this as an individual event be a dealbreaker for me? No. But if it were another thing in a very long string of times where I was made to feel unimportant or not a priority in his life, then that might be another story..
I suppose it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me on it's own, either. I'm actually incredibly understanding. But this was more than icing on a particularly bitter cake..
Background: we met 11 months ago. At first everything was fairytales and unicorns, as these things often go. But after a few months, things lessened and lessened until all of that was gone. We broke up for a while and kept in touch. It was okay.
We decided to try again, but he's not been in it. He says he's having emotional problems, doesn't know what's wrong, etc etc. He doesn't want to touch me, really, but wants to "hang out". He loves me, but isn't sure he's "in love" with me. Lots more bs like this..
I attempted to be understanding, having been through some emotional things myself. But he knew that I had been working on the culmination of yesterday for about six months. Everyone else in my life was there for me, except the one person who (sorry, but this is MO) should be.
He has contacted me today to apologize about how selfish this was, but still isn't interested in improving anything between us - at least not in action..
So that's the story...
This clarifies a lot..
You broke up, got back together and now he's cold, distant and not emotionally present. You likely got back togehter for the wrong reasons.
Indifference is the opposite of love - if he is detached, doesn't want to touch you and otherwise isn't doing anything to show he thinks you're special then he's more indifferent than not. Not wanting to touch you is a huge huge indicator of not working. Think about it - when you LOVE something or someone - you touch it or them! and you DON'T touch things that repel you.
He says he doesn't 'know' whats wrong and I agree that is BS - You deserve someone who is crazy about you - he isn't and he knows itDo both of you a favor - he apparently isn't able to make teh call - that is 'what's wrong' with him - he doesn't want to be with you but doesn't know how to end it respectfully so he is basically witholding himself until you do.
It sounds lie that maybe this just isnt a relationship (thru Match.com) for you. As sad as it is....Sometimes 2 very great people just dont make a great relatioship...or at least along term one...
If this is a long line of situations where the man does not wish to extend himself to you in good times or in bad times..then do what you have to do. I dont think it would have put him out to stop by his place for a few minutes to share in your good news...
If you've broken up, gotten back together and are already complaining that the relationship (thru Match.com) "thrill" is gone ... all in the course of a mere 11 months (blip on the radar screen of life) then ... IMO, you need to face the music: this relationship (thru Match.com) just isn't working for you..
Sounds like he's the type of 'busy guy' who is a good candidate for 'part-time boyfriend' ... but, doesn't want to the obligations and responsiblities of being a 'full time boyfriend' ... one who would make the time to celebrate your successes. That is what a partner does. A partner ... a full-time boyfriend/girlfriend ... makes time for you when you're on top of the world ... unless he had a patient on the table or something like that that would make it extremely difficult for him to be there, kwim? .
On the other hand, part-time BFs ... they just want to be there on their time, their terms, etc. .
By itself ... no, this wouldn't be a dealbreaker. Sounds like you're looking for reasons to end it. Also sounds like that would be for the best..
Edited 1/14/2009 10:24 am ET by starbuck70..
He should be your big booster here. I agree, it shows a huge lack of regard.
Thanks for all the replies. Just to clarify further: when I said he doesn't want to "touch" me, I don't quite mean he finds me repulsive - he just isn't interested in anything sexual, and not just with me - period. This is why he thinks he's having a hormonal and/or psychological issue..
And he has been there for me. If I am having a really awful day, he's there. If I need something, he takes care of it. If I need him to go somewhere with me, he'll go.
And as far as letting him bow out of the relationship, I have given him AMPLE ability to do so gracefully if he wanted to. I've even suggested it myself, but his response is that it "isn't what he wants" because he feels I am "the one" and simply finds the whole thing terrifying or something..
But even with this, the other issues have been far too great. I could've understood being too busy because of his job; however, it doesn't take long to type "congrats" on someone's social network page, or send flowers, or something..
So here's the update: we broke up. We are friendly, as I am still concerned about his well-being (he was in really bad shape earlier; I did see him). He is seeing his therapist tomorrow and trying to be proactive. I've made it incredibly clear that, at this point, I would need absolute overtures of affection to even make me think about coming back. In the meantime, I agreed to be there for him because when I was going through some massive emotional things (I went through a very difficult D - there was stalking, abuse, etc) he was there for me..
That's where we're at...
"I would need absolute overtures of affection to even make me think about coming back".
I have to say, you sound really needy. .
In any case, it seems like y'all are on the right track. You both have issues you need to work on on your own before you can be together, if at all. How about just being friends and moving on to someone else? Usually when something fades, it faded for a reason. Trying to recapture something doesn't typically work. ..
Not trying to sound needy. It's more about what I feel I deserve right now; not because I "need" it.
I think that I (just like you, and everyone else) deserves to be with someone who aids them in feeling amazing. That's what I'm saying I "need" right now to make something work.
Yes, perhaps that would be deemed needy by someone - but I also think that I am an intense giver of those same things.
Relationships are all about balance...whatever that balance is for you will be different then for some one else. It sounds like yo want more out of this than he is or willing to give. Doesnt mean you are needy it just means you would like a bit more thant what is and has been happening. Me I like guys that work all the time...I am a worker and to be with some one wo understands that is what I NEED. And then there are the relationships where one person is truly overly needy...thats unhealthy. I dont sense that here...