Why did kick me off? Has this happened to anyone?

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My first question is: Why did kick me off? Has this happened to anyone?.

My next question is: I am not sure which board might be the most appropriate to post on.Been with my bf 4 years on/off. For now we are together, rebuilding on some past issues. I would like to know- after so many years together naturally "love" is not like that initial lusty type, stomach tumbling thing. But how do you know when you're "in love", and when you just love someone? Of course I love him, we have a long history and we are doing well at working at our relationship. But am I "in love" with him? What are the differences? I dont know if this is just the comfort level you reach after years together. That being said, we are rebuilding on a few issues and maybe I am a little hesitant, therefore doubting if I'm "in love". yes, I see a future with him and we are working towards that, taking it day by day.Any words or thoughts?..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Why did kick me off? Has this happened to anyone?.

In my opinion, when you find that one person for you, deep down, you know if it's right. And yes, when you're in love you see the fireworks and stuff at first. I believe real love and being in love is putting the other person above all others, is being willing to do anything and everything for that person to keep them. I feel you express your feelings for that person often and show them with your actions. When you have that one person you love, everything in life, all the good seems better, and the bad doesn't seem quite as bad since you have that one person. If you are in love with this man, you know it.

When I married my first husband, I loved him yet had a small, minute feeling that it may not be right, yet married him anyways. Throughout our marriage I felt at times it woudln't make it. Then I found him cheating on me. Had I listened to my heart, rather than my head, I would have never gone through that. Don't let your head talk your heart out of what is right..

Comment #1

Yes your post helped. We are working thru some trust issues right now and things are going well, but I am hesitant on just jumping right back into things. While I love him enough to work things out, I am wondering if I am "in love" still. I think I need to be sure things are going to be ok before I make him that priority and put him above all others. I do know that when we are together, things are better. I do hope things work out, but I am also a little guarded right now and I can't give him quite everything yet. I think that is why I am wondering if Im on the right track.If you have more, I would love to hear it!..

Comment #2

How is your sex life? I don't know if that's the only component to consider, but it's certainly one of the important ones. All of the couples I know who had been together for a long time and then fallen out of each love with each other said that towards the end of their relationship (thru they had stopped having sex with each other, or if they hadn't, they had at least stopped enjoying it.I have been with my husband for eight years, and while I don't have the excitement that I did when the relationship (thru was still brand new, I still like hugging and kissing him or lying wrapped up in his arms at night. Those are some of the main things that to me signify being "in love" with him versus just loving him. My libido is pretty low so I don't need to make out that often, but I still never got tired of having physical contact with him. People who've fallen out of love with their significant others often say that when their partner would touch them they'd just want to pull away from them...

Comment #3

Hi lovergrl,.

I think when you are "in love" with someone, you can't get them out of your mind, you have those butterflies, and when you think about them, they just make you smile. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and yes, we are past that honeymoon stage, but I still have those butterflies when I know I get to see him very soon, and I just want to hug him and not let go. I can't get enough of his smell, his face, his thoughts, you know what I mean?? You feel a sense of security and protection when you are with the one that you love, and I agree with the last poster, sex is an important part as well. Do you enjoy it? Is is good almost every time?? I think sex says a lot.

Are you calmer with him?? I know you said you are working on some issues that you guys have had and I commend you for trying to fix your problems and not just giving up. If you guys can pull through this, your love will be that much stronger when you can finally let those walls down. Trust me from someone who went through what you are going through, when the time is right, you will slowly let him back into your heart and you will feel that lovely sensation of being in love. Good luck to you and I hope this helped!! xoxo.


"Seek to understand and you will be understood"..

Comment #4

My first husband cheated on me.  I was wanting to try again and work through it. He left me. Later he wanted back so I said we have to be friends and work and grow because I had lost trust and my feelings for him were not quite there because of what he had done. He was not willing to settle for that. He wanted it all right then and there and wanted to come home and I said it would take time. He didn't want to wait for me, so I wasn't worth it to him, so it obviously wasn't right.

If he can not be patient and there for you then you know he is not the one you need and that you deserve more. If you don't mind, I posted a thing titled does he want her or something like that. I'd like your opinion on my issue!.


Comment #5

The sex is good We are LDR so when we see each other, that is not something that has ever lacked, except when we were broken up and there was none. <<Trust me from someone who went through what you are going through, when the time is right, you will slowly let him back into your heart and you will feel that lovely sensation of being in love. >>This is exactly what I am hoping. So if you're right, it sounds like Im on the right track and that my hesitations may be due to what we've gone thru and the fact we are rebuilding. I feel things are going slow but well and that's what I want. Its at my pace, he is more than willing to put in the time- so that is not the issue. I just want to have some sense that things will return totally to normal in time...

Comment #6

To give you a little bit more detail.... My boyfriend and I tried to date using about 4 years ago (I have known him for 12 years) and he wasn't ready for a relationship (thru and he broke up with me. When I came back around, after being in an abusive relationship, he started to pursue me again, but there was no way I was going to open myself back up to him rejecting me, so I took things very, very slow and he showed me he cared by putting forth every effort to be with me. To this day, I am still very hesitant with some things regarding opening myself up or letting him in, but I had to tell myself one day that you either have to do it or don't do it and if you don't open up, you will always ask yourself what if? I had to let go of my walls and let things go for our relationship (thru to progress and flourish. It has progressed and flourished, in my opinion, and each day, I let my guard down a little more... Hang in there, if this is what you really want, and he is showing you by his actions that he wants this too, then I have no doubt this will work and you will, again, be in love with your boyfriend.


"Seek to understand and you will be understood"..

Comment #7

When people think of "in love" they think of the initial dating (online dating with period when they were getting to know someone.  Eventually that does evolve some into a mix of in love and love (hopefully) and while you feel the relationship (thru is secure and solid...he's still your hunk 'a burnin' love..

You have a different situation where the two of you have been on and off.  Some of the hurt that you experienced with your breakups could prevent you from getting ga ga over your guy again.   You said that the two of you are working well together to rebuild - if that is the case you might find yourself falling in love again, but for different reasons this time...

Comment #8

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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