Why cant I get on

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My first question is: Why cant I get on

My next question is: Okay, I just finished a great discussion with all of you about a man I met through online dating. Now here is my question: I am in my forties, single, fit and attractive. I don't drink so I don't go to bars, not that was good fodder for dating (online dating with anyway. So I did the online thing. What is your general opinion of online dating?.

But that's problem. Where does one go at my advanced years (eye roll) to meet eligible men? I really don't know. I work in a gym and I am older than my patrons. I am not actively persuing a relationship, but I would like to date using again..

This may sound stupid but I've been out of the game for awhile. Most of the men in my life came via the gym or from the bar scene. The bar scene guys: Ugh. Big suprise there. The lasting relationships came from work.

Help me here. I got sober 5 years ago, and the only men I meet are in the program. I DO NOT want to date using in the program. I did it once and it was a nightmare,.

Any ideas are welcome! And I would love to hear how it was for anyone else who tried dating (online dating with thru online sites..


Comments (9)

Your question was: Why cant I get on

I'm 49 and though I get out and do things a lot, I just don't meet single men out and about so I do OLD and have for a number of years.  I've had mixed success with itsome decent relationships and some not so good, just like with meeting guys "in real life" as they say.  But it's pretty much the only option that works to get dates, so I keep doing it..

I'm sober also (14 years) and have only dated one guy I met through the program, and that wasn't a great experiencealthough I have met and dated several guys online who were sober.  I guess I'm curious why you'd exclude all sober guys because of one bad experience?  Some are more healthy than others, obviously..


Comment #1

Congrats on 14 years. Awesome!.

On AA men: The problem with the man extended into the meetings. I am afraid of that happening again. I guess I don't preclude every last one of them, but I am REALLY hesitant about it. He put our buisness out there for everyone to hash over and over and over again. I don't drive so I go to a tight group of meetings in my area and I just really don't want to go thru it again.  It messed up my program..

I would, however, be more than happy to meet someone elsewhere out of the area I live in who is in the program. I think it would be cool..

I haven't had much luck online, but I will keep trying. I really don't know where else to look.


Comment #2

I've been doing the OLD for a few months ....44....met some nice guys and some jerks but that is with IRL also. You need to grow a thicker skin with OLD, or I did.   .

Have you tried joining a club, maybe some hobby you are interested in,  volunteering, what about friends that know single guys?   Check out, they usually have groups in most major cities that get together once/twice a month.  If you find something you enjoy doing and join a club or something like that you will find someone with the same interests..


Comment #3

I am in my 40s as well.  Personally, I'm of the mindset that the things I do that I really enjoy (e.g., hiking) are things I do because I enjoy them and not because I'll meet somebody at them.  This may be a good mindset for me to have because, to date, I have not met anyone in these venues.  Also, I have trolled the bars and can only agree with you UGH..

But I'm on the prowl.  I have been playing the on-line dating (online dating with game, and the jury is still out for me.  So far I have met:  A really good looking man in his late 30s who owns his own company.   I thought he was GREAT.  But he isn't that into me, although he seems to want to stay in touch, periodically, when the mood strikes him, and so we're meeting for lunch next week.  Last weekend I met a very odd 51 year old doctor.  I'm sending him a "please don't call anymore" e-mail tonight.  I also met a professor but he showed up drunk, and that ended that.  This weekend I'm meeting a muscle-builder salesman in his early 40s. So in sum, there has been one I think is great who isn't that into me; one who thinks I'm great who I'm not that interested in; the one who showed up drunk; and the one who is next up to meet.  Maybe this is rather like the real world. ;0.

If you're in a larger community (I'm in a big city), there are dating (online dating with services that can be quite vaible.  I have a friend who met her husband through one of those group dinner meets.  In our city there is also a really active meetup group, and what I hear is great about that group is that there is a nice age spread.  There are other services that are not so good and yet very expensive, so I would suggest checking out the services but checking references too..

Having a good network of friends works too.  I'm in a group where we are always introducing people (a/k/a palming off the ones that don't fit) to each other. .

Otherwise, the only other place I've met men to date using is through work or work connections.  .





Comment #4

Thanks so much. I live in a relatively large city, but the online service I tried so far has met me up with duds. I once did a pay service, and it was terrible. I went out on a lot of dates but I got a man with an active foot fetish (he told me about his massage table in the car!!) a married man, and a man who asked me out Friday night and my best friend the next night.  One guy stalked me, threatening me for not going out with him!.

I met someone two weeks ago, but it was like you said. I liked him but I wasn't his type. It's tough at our age.  Work used to be an excellent fodder for fitness buffs like myself but now I teach a youth and teen program so that's outta the question! lol.

I think I am going to try what another woman also suggested which is called meetup. I know we have a singles mixer club here in PGH but I haven't gone to it yet..



Comment #5

I'll be interested to know how the singles mixer thing is.  I've tried a number of them where I live and I meet *tons* of great women but no decent men, LOL. .



Comment #6

I will be sure to let you know. My friend and I were going to attend one and that's what I thought might happen. There is also this thing called a cultural crawl thru the theatre & art section once a month. I have avoided that due to the alcohol, but she said she would go with me..

I'll keep you updated!.


Comment #7

Ha!  A foot fetish guy; a stalker; and a player!  How hilarious!  There are some real question marks out there, aren't there, and they appear to be signing up for OLD.  Myself, I didn't need to go on-line to find the married guy.  I managed to find him all on my own in the real world.  It is tough at our age..

The dinner meet up group that's pretty popular here in Atlanta is 8at8.  They match men to women I hear which keeps the ratio balanced.  I've never been..


Comment #8

Yes if you really want to meet someone wonderful you have to be less exclusionary, more open to other types...   what you're doing is limiting the playing field so to speak in a way that can make it nearly impossible to meet someone.


Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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