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While using match.com I'm having problems with the site. I've no other problems with my computer.?

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My first question is: While using match.com I'm having problems with the site. I've no other problems with my computer.?.

My next question is: Am I being totally and completely selfish for turning down a marriage proposal for the reason that I would have to live with my mother-in-law, brother-in-law, and mother-in-law's boyfriend?  I weighed out the pro's and con's, and I just see more con's than pro's.  For one, it's hard enough to get accustomed to your partner's way of living, but then to have to get accustomed to other's ways of living?  I already know that they do certain things that I have pet peeves about.  Also, none of the men in the house do any of the cleaning.  I don't think that it would be fair that his mother and I would be the only one's doing all the house work when everybody is contributing to the mess.  Then there's the issue over not having any privacy.  I'm the kind of person who values her privacy very much.  Lastly, I feel that by having my mother-in-law living under the same roof, my every move as a wife would be scrutinized, and she's not one to keep opinions to herself.  Am I being too nit picky, or are there other women out there who would feel the same way if they were in my situation?        .

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Comments (4)

Your question was: While using match.com I'm having problems with the site. I've no other problems with my computer.?.

I cannot imagine that there are many women out there who would want to move in with their in-laws unless there was a very good reason.  Is there a good reason for this move?  Would it be temporary?  Why can't you get your own place with your boyfriend?  Why is getting married contingent on moving in with his family?.

Coolas..

Comment #1

Well at the time that he proposed, he had already bought a house and decided that his mother was going to live there.  He surprised her with the deed and everything, so in her eyes, he bought the house for her.  It's not like he can turn around and tell her to get out.  I would never ask that of him either because then I would come out as being the bad guy.  Anyway he went and made these decisions on his own even though he already knew that he was going to ask me to marry him.  I tried to explain to him that if a couple is going to get married, then these types of things need to be discussed, but he has already made up his mind that he wants to take care of his mom (even though she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself).  So his mother living with us would be a permanent situation.  As far as the brother and mother's boyfriend living there, that's indefinite.  I haven't so far seen any effort on the brother's part to try and find his own place.  I've voiced my opinions to my boyfriend.  He say's that I'm being selfish and ungrateful, and that if I truly love him that I would be willing to accept this living arrangement.  I just feel that a couple, especially a newlywed couple, should  have their own space.  He doesn't see where I'm coming from at all. ..

Comment #2

Personally I think you need to reevaluate two things: 1) your relationships with your boyfriend and 2) your relationship (thru Match.com) with yourself..

-Will he stand up for your in front of his mom?.

-Will he make relationship (thru Match.com) decisions with you?.

-Will you have to clean up for him and his family indefinitely?.

-Can you live with his mother for many years to come?.

-How much do you value your privacy?.

-How much are you willing to give or give up for your man?.

Sometimes we have to remember to love ourselves as well.....

Comment #3

So the mother has a boyfriend and still your boyfriend feels that he needs to take care of her and have her live with him?  I don't blame you AT ALL for not accepting his marriage proposal.  He is basically saying - this is how I intend to live my life - please marry me and do it MY way.  It would be one thing if the mother was old or infirm and needed taking care of - but even then, if he intended to ask you to marry him, he should have discussed the living arrangements with you first.  I would not want to be in your situation either.  It's interesting that your boyfriend tells you that you are selfish - that's what I'd call him, after all, he's not exactly considering your feelings - he wants things the way he wants them - there doesn't seem to be any compromise there.  No, in my opinion, you did not make a huge mistake.  Perhaps you have saved yourself a lot of pain and frustration.  Parents are difficult to live with at the best of times (I know this, believe me!!) but if your boyfriend is going to call you selfish for wanting your own space (perfectly normal!) I'd see that as a sign of things to come.  Would he back you if you had an argument with his mother, or would he defend her?  I think perhaps you might have dodged a bullet..

Coolas..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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