Which is better or eHarmony?

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My first question is: Which is better or eHarmony?.

My next question is: I really need some advice here. I am a 29 year old career oriented female. I do not have children nor do I want children. I have recently started dating (online dating with this guy whom has a 15 month old. He did not marry the girl because she started talking to another guy etc. The thing is we get along so well, have the same interest, same outlook on life, great chemistry etc.

Right now he has his baby 3 nights and week and since we have been dating (online dating with he never invites me over when he has her. But when shes not there and he's lonely he wants to go out constantly. He calls me when she goes to sleep. I just have this horrible feeling. I do not like being tied down with someone elses child.  I feel so selfish but this is just a fact.

He broke his arm and will be getting his cast off thursday and has been telling me all the great ideas he has in store. Dont get me wrong, I am totally attracted to this guy, we stayed up 3 nights in a row and talked for hours the first weekend we spent together and I went home at like 5 am. I just dont want to get in deep with this relationship (thru with the kiddo and I feel like we are both falling fast!! I dont know how or if I should talk to him about it. I know it's always better to talk but then I feel like there is nothing to talk about because I have the problem and regardless the child will always be there. Please, please, help!!..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Which is better or eHarmony?.

I'm sure there are other guys out there with whom you could enjoy long talks.  It's smart that he doesnt invite you to his house when his child is there because you two are not in an exclusive serious relationship..

Not only will the child be there it will be his first priority and you will have a role in the care of this child if he chooses to introduce you, including preparing the child's meal, bath, and so on.  Not only will the child always be will his ex who will not like you being involved in this child's life..

I dont blame you for not wanting to be tied down with someone else's child because I feel the same way. ..

Comment #1

Yes you should discuss things with him before getting further involved. Be open and honest that you don't really see children as part of your life and that you are pretty sure that won't change (only if it's true - not wanting to have children is different than wanting to be around them in other ways) In addition, his child is very small - so should things progress - you'd be in a parenting role that you aren't really willing to be in..


You can't have the man without the child. And any man who lets go of his child to be with someone is not a man worth having - at least to me. So - you recognize that this is a potential deal breaker. You MUST talk about this and get really clear  on what each of you want for your respective futures and what you'd like with in a committed relationship..


We often meet the "99% man" that tests our readiness and focus on what person is right for us. he can be EVERYTHING you want BUT - he has a child you don't want. If it annoys you now, ti will only get worse. do both of you a favor. He needs and deserves to be with someone who accepts his role as parent - and his child absolutely deserves to be in a family situation where she is included and loved by her stepparent. And you deserve to be with someone that is able to provide the kind of relationship (thru you want.


Only you can decide what is best for you - but he is a father and that cannot, will not change. You either accept it and all that it means or you move on before things get more difficult..


Comment #2

I agree with toni 100%he and his kid is a package deal, the kid comes before you and as wonderful as i'm sure you are, he cannot choose you over it (he/she?). if you don't see yourself with a kid any time soon, and are against the idea of being tied down to someone else's then you're just going to have to chalk this up to bad luck. regardless you need to talk to him and express your of luck...

Comment #3

It's not selfish to know what you want.  If you don't want your own children or to deal with someone else's children, that's your prerogative.  Btu this man comes with a kid.  If you don't want to deal with kids, it is much better to end things now before you get even more attached because if you are not willing to compromise your thought process (and I'm not saying you have to) then there is no point.  He has a kid and there is no getting around that.  There are other guys in your age range that will not have kids so you can find one of them.  It sucks if this guy is really great, but you should do this now rather than later.  You're right when you say there is nothing to talk about - there really isn't if you don't want to deal with kids.



Comment #4

I agree - a child is major, lasting responsibiity and always top priority.


Comment #5

Yes, honesty is the ONLY policy in this situation. Good luck.


Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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