Which is better: EHarmony or

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My first question is: Which is better: EHarmony or

My next question is: Met a girl from an online site. Same age range, from same part of country, all looked great!First Date...awesome, great chemistry, things in common, fun!Second Date...went to dinner, told her beforehand that I had a surprise to do after dinner (told her before the date). anyhow, the date using was going awesome! touchy-feely, laughs, wow! this girl is awesome!i told her at dinner we were gonna go go kart racing afterwards! I thought a fun thing to do, different! she was very excited about the idea.we continue to have dinner and were drinking wine. she started to get apprehensive because we were drinking that maybe we shouldn't go 30mph in carts afterwards... we laughed about it, and I said yes, you're right, we'll do it another time.THEN...she says her friends are out downtown, we could go meet them. now, this was only our SECOND date.

She did introduce me to them, there were over 6 of them plus a couple of guys. I tried my best to talk to them, but none were really receptive. believe me, I never met a stranger! but, it was like pulling teeth a little bit trying to talk with them. like I said, it was a club, loud and not easy to hear people talk. my date using seemed to be having a great time with her friends, and I was miserable.

Not two minutes after I stop talking to her, I move over and my date using was talking with her. the girl who i'd been talking with over coaching asks my date..'so, where'd you meet leroy over there?'....leroy????? are you kiddin me??? then my date using proceeded to lie about where we met (told her at some bar), and never said....'his name is ron,, not leroy, thank you'she saw this, but not once asked..'hey, are you ok?' , or, 'if you're not having fun, we can go do something else alone together'.... afterall...IT WAS A DATE, and only the, after 2 hours of me sitting there at the end of the table, bored to tears, we're paying out. thank god! then as we leave, her drunkest friend, 37 with a 9 year old at home, decided to drag us into a college bar...avg age 25. we're all in our mid 30's.

It was awful.i left her that night and shook my head the entire ride this what she's really like? is she a club rat at 34 STILL?a few days past and I wrote her an email. in that I said that i'm 36 and not 26 and didn't enjoy those places. I told her her friends weren't very social with me (but then again, they didn't know me or who I was to her!). plus I mentioned the college bar, the 'leroy' comment and some other things. in the end, I basically said i'm not looking for that in a woman, but since she's single she can do whatever she wants...she can! she called the next night and although she didn't apologize for what happened, wanted to talk about it.we did the next date.

Instead saying things like...'why couldn't you just go with the flow', and 'you could've left , you know'.. and 'i'm not a club rat, but my friends were there, so that's where they wanted to go', she swears she never remembered her friend insulting me by calling me 'leroy'....should I be upset that in that club she showed no consideration for me as her date? that she wasn't sorry about any of it? is this girl just plain selfish? she's 34, never tell me.....

Comments (17)

Your question was: Which is better: EHarmony or

Okay, a girl that turns down go cart racing to go to clubs.. that's crazy. You should have dumped her right then! Just kidding. I digress. But she does sound a bit selfish or maybe she's just clueless, who knows? However, be glad you found out after 2 dates and not 10..



Comment #1

I wouldn't say she is selfish - but it does sound like you two are not compatible - your lifestyles are not in synch..


Comment #2

I believe that you are justified in feeling disappointed and hurt.  She obviously wanted to hang with her friends instead of getting to know you more...which is not what one usually does on a second date.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to dance with your date, but it doesnt sound like she wanted to necessarily dance with you...just hang with her friends and drink.  There is no excuse for the put-down either (leroy).  The fact that she wasnt remorseful about how she behaved is an indication of disappointments-to-come with her - get out now...

Comment #3

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but IMHO and experience, it isn't either that she is a 'club-rat' or that she is selfish. She just wasn't all that into you I'm afraid. If she felt a strong physical and mental connection with you, was very attracted to you and had the 'wow' kind of vibe in general about you I don't think she'd take you to a loud club, let alone more or less ignore you there. I know I wouldn't. I did exactly what this woman did once too, when I was doing OLD some years back. I met this (39 y old) man in a pub and about 30 mins later (if not 30 seconds later) realised that I absolutely could not stand him, any aspect of him.... 'we' went to a club (I more or less went by myself with him trailing behind)...

Bad, rude, hurtful, I know. I couldn't help it though - I just wanted to get away from him and never ever see him again. And I was 33 at the time. Your description of her behaviour kind of totally reminded me of that (miserable) night. Also...


Comment #4

The fact of the matter is she was out on a date using with YOU. She wasn't out with her friends and you met up with THEM. That is the distinction. Had you met up with THEM than I would say YOU should have lightened up and went with the flow but she should have done more to make you feel more comfortable, she should have picked up on the vibe that her friends weren't receptive to you, she should have been able to pick up on the fact that nobody was really talking to you and you were sitting by yourself and said, "Well we are going to take off now" and left with you. Not said "Well you could have left" Who says that to their date. Like I said she was your date using for the evening, you didn't meet up with them.

REALLY??? She is selfish. that proves it..




Comment #5

I agree with you.  Besides selfish she didnt have any decency to treat him with any kind of respect - the respect one person should give to another regardless if she didnt want to date using him again...

Comment #6

Whether or not she is selfish or immature doesn't seem to be relevant to the bigger issue of whether or not this is someone you are truly compatible with. My experience is that when something like this comes up before a relationship (thru becomes exclusive, especially within the first few dates, you are probably better off throwing that match back to the sea and going fishing again. I feel your awesome first date using with someone you seem to "click" with and then a disappointing second does suck..

And I agree with the others...on a second date using with someone you don't really know your energy should be focused on getting to know each other, and this is not done in a loud club with a big group of friends she's talking to more than you..


Comment #7

Thanks so much to you and the others for responding to my post..

Yes, that was my main was a DATE, and only the back half of the second.  focus should have been on the two of us getting to know each other. .

She showed no remorse or consideration, just anger over the email I sent her pointing this out. .

So I guess you could say that I DID get to know her.  too bad too. .

Back to the drawing board...oh god, why are you doing this to me????  lol...

Comment #8

"oh god, why are you doing this to me????  lol.".

You and me both buddy...

Comment #9

When I have crazy stuff happen I just chalk it up to the Universe having a sick sense of humor.



Comment #10

Yeah, either the "universe" or a bunch of sick old rich men who like playing chess with us "little people" - hardee har har....hehehe...

Comment #11

Hey! Who you callin' little? I'm 5 feet of "way to big for my britches" on any given day. Okay, well maybe I just have a big mouth.



Comment #12

Hehehe, full of p*ss and vinegar are we today?  I am not referring to physical stature my dear...(I am  not much taller than you).  I am referring to social status of course...

Comment #13

Yes, she's selfish which is probably why she's 34 and never married. Nothing wrong with introducing you to her friends, but the second date using seems a bit early. I'm thinking that she enjoys and is used to being single and has alot of friends and is not going to give that up for one person. Sad really, but there are more and more people these days who would rather hang with friends and be alone at home than have one someone special and friends to compliment that relationship. I think you saw the real her that night and you were lucky you saw it before you had your heart on the line...

Comment #14

Thanks so much, and as more as I talked to her, the more it became clear that she couldn't have cared less about how I was feeling that night.   She showed no contrition at all, not even a 'well, maybe I see your point now, and yes, that might not have been the thing to do'...nothing like that. .

As good as it was to find out only after a couple of dates, it's still disappointing when you get the high on someone and have it stomped out like that. .

Thanks for your input and of luck to you!..

Comment #15

I know, I was just teasing you.



Comment #16

I figured as much...that is why I had some fun back at you...hehe. ..

Comment #17

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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