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Which Better Dating Yahoo Personal. Match.com. Girlfriends Or Chemistry.com????

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My first question is: Which Better Dating Yahoo Personal. Match.com. Girlfriends Or Chemistry.com????.

My next question is: Ok, last night I had my first date using Match.com ever with the guy I met on the GYM. I thought we were pretty much alike, but he's not. He's Christian, I'm Atheist. Pretty much the opposite, eh? He believes humans came from God, I believe in evolution. For me, that tells me he's, concerning ideas, a primate being and non-progressive. Also, he has so many problems in his life.

I was like: "what?" But the thing that scared me the most is that he recently divorced and feels betrayed and sad about it. So, he has a lot of drama on his life; and I'm not into drama right now. I have never fallen in love for any guy, I've never been in a relationship, and I'm a 21 year-old woman who is not into compromising and is more concentrated on college. I don't have any problems in my life right now because I dedicated some of my time in solving them, and I don't want to handle that kind of problem. I really don't know what to think about this.

In other words, he's a dependent human being! I can't and don't want to deal with that.So, I guess I can be his friend but I'm not looking forward to have something more with him. He's looking for something serious marriage!. And I don't believe in marriage either. I feel like I can help him to clear up his mind and get rid of those fears and sorrows his soul carries.What do you think of this situation?..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Which Better Dating Yahoo Personal. Match.com. Girlfriends Or Chemistry.com????.

<< So, I guess I can be his friend but I'm not looking forward to have something more with him. He's looking for something serious marriage!.  >>.

Why?   Why be friends with someone whose values don't align with yours or even try to make that into a friendship?.

Look, you're only 21 ... but, as you get older you will also learn to pick and choose your friends more wisely.  His beliefs aren't wrong ... they're just different than yours ... so, whether you're looking for romantic partnership or a friendship ... you will learn that seeking alignment in all types of relationships in your life is what will make those relationships and frienships much more successful.  Doesn't mean that all your friends have to be atheists.  But, if they have very strong views on creation vs. evolution and things of that nature then ...

Much less anything else.

<< I feel like I can help him to clear up his mind and get rid of those fears and sorrows his soul carries. >>.

Ugh. Again ... no offense ... but, you're only 21 ... you also haven't learned that people who want help help themselves first and foremost.    He will help himself on his own terms in his own time.   Don't fall into the trap of thinking you can be someone's therapist.   Spare yourself that burden.

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Comment #1

Ok, so... If he invites me to a second date, should I accept it? I think he has many problems he should deal with first like the divorce, for example. For now, I am not looking forward to something serious with him because, again, he has to get rid of his personal problems first. Right now I am 21 and my life is going great with zero problems. I think I can only be his friend, or well he can be just another person I know and can talk to.Let me see if I understood what you said... You said that it is much better to have friends or a partner that shares almost anything, same likes and dislikes, etc?And you are wrong about the thing that I haven't learned that people who wants help helps themselves first.

And I know that sometimes you can get in deep trouble or unnecessary pain just because you wanted to see someone happy. But in this case, and thinking on what you've wrote, I don't think I can do anything to help him because is an unknown field for me...

Comment #2

I've been in the exact same situation, more or less. And out of my experience, it's not your job to fix him. If he depends on you to do that, what will happen the next time something bad occurs? It's that concept of give a man a fish, vs teach a man to fish. I am not sure if you are in the position to help him either given the two different backgrounds, and that you have your own life to live too. From what he sounds like religiously, I would suggest him to go find a pastor or church, they often have counseling services that would help him. I also wouldnt do anything out of pity.

But someone who is extremely dependant needs to learn how to depend on themselves, just the same as someone who is extremely independent should maybe learn how to depend on others. In my opinion you are not the best solution to his problems, he seems like he needs someone that is third party who is there for you but on a defined level, and also someone that can be a constant, there year around if needed. Plus if you are saying I guess I can be his friend you are not really wanting to be his friend, you just want to help him. Yes friends help, but friends help each other and as you know, friends also do not always help, and there is more to it than that as well..

Anyway, that is just my two cents, do with it what you will.  .

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Comment #3

No, I don't think you are getting what starbuck is saying. .

First and foremost, why bother being friends with someone whose views are so diametrically opposed to yours?  No, you do NOT have to have only friends that you share everything or even a majority of things with.  But this guy and you share very little in common and have completely different values.  It's not that you cannot be friends, but I think eventually you would find that spending time together would be you each trying to convince the other of things.  You can be casual friends, but I wouldn't think a deep friendship would work..

Second, if he is interested in you romantically, he might not WANT to be friends with you. .

Third, yes, this guy sounds like an emotional wreck right now.  Given that you don't share much in common, he's looking for a relationship (thru Match.com) AND he's more than a little vulnerable right now, a friendship and you trying to help him is probably going to cause you more pain and grief than you need.  You said you are drama free right now.  Why not work on keeping it that way..

If he asks you for a second date, you simply tell him that while you enjoyed his company, you think that because your values and interests are so different that you think it's better that you not accept another date..

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Comment #4

What was that war comment about?!!!  Yes this guy sounds like he has issues up the wazoo - he wants to be dependent - be independent of him.

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Comment #5

Ok, I know this guy is a train wreck, he has so many issues in his life that HE needs to solve. I only, then, would be a casual friend because, like you all have said, we do not have same likes and dislikes, etc. If he invites me to a second date, I would tell him that he should first dedicate his life to the son or daughter he has and to start solving those issues like to get rid of that grief he carries. (Anyways, he is a great guy, a man who do anything to please his woman well, that's what I've been told.)Thank you for all your advices, you've helped me to clear up my mind. ^_^..

Comment #6

I don't think you need to tell him that you are not going to date using Match.com him because he has too many issues.  That's kind of insulting even if it's true.  If it were me, I'd just say that I thought we didn't match too well or that I thought our interests were too dissimilar for me..

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Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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