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Where to find Match.com trials in 2011?

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My question is: Where to find Match.com trials in 2011?.

My 2nd question is: So this is a toughy.A bit of background though...My boyfriend and I had been broken up for about a year when this happened, and at the time it did happen, I hadn't really been speaking with him, hadn't seen him for months, and didn't think it was something that I would ever have to mention to him.So one night I was over at one of our mutual friend's houses(but the friend is closer to him then he is to me) with several people, just drinking and hanging out. As the night went on, the friend and I became more and more flirtatious toward one another, and one thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together. The next day we talked about it and said it was out of character for the both of us, but said no regrets.So I don't really ever talk to this guy, only see him at parties of mutual friends from time to time, but things aren't awkward and it's almost like it never happened.Cut to almost a year after this happened. My ex-boyfriend and I are starting to talk about dating (online dating with Match.com) and maybe getting into a relationship (thru Match.com) again. However, he was the first person I ever slept with. His friend was the second.

He constantly asks though and really wants to know who it was. I keep telling him that it doesn't matter, but I feel like if we are starting over, there should be no secrets between us. And lately this has been feeling like more and more of a burden. I have no problem with lying about it or concealing it, but we both have mutual friends and it is one of those things that can get out, especially since it's more than just me and the friend who know it happened.I don't want to ruin their friendship and cause unnecessary friction between us because it truly meant absolutely nothing to either of us and it wouldn't happen again. So really, I don't know if I should tell him or not..

Comments (18)

Here's my answer to your question: Where to find Match.com trials in 2011?.

You slept with this guy when the two of you had broken up - no shame about that.  Under these circumstances... him asking about it .. you may as well tell him and dont act shamed about what you did .. because you did nothing wrong...

Comment #1

Dear Dani090,.

I hope you get some helpful replies...

I'm in a very similar situation...

I go to an after work tavern each week when I get paid; where I have become "one of the group" over the course of the past few months...

I had felt early on that one man  Ed had an interest in me.  He is very shy.  So once his friends became aware of the attraction they all began to "push" for us to end up together.   .

Time passed & I felt more comfortable stopping by the tavern for short periods of time on other days...

Ed & I continued to "flirt" but I never felt he had much desire for more...

One day I stopped by & Ed was not there his very hot friend Marc was....

Marc & I talked, had some drinks, left to go to another place for dinner one thing lead to another and we ended up back at my place... (FYI - I'm 40, Ed is 40 & Marc is 31) I had a great physical night w/ Marc... nothing more... (the age difference freaks me out & we had Ed to consider...).

Now things have heated up w/ Ed... I've slept w/ him... and would like to see where this COULD go... Part of me feels I OWE Ed & should tell him... part of me feels like it happened before (I slept w/) him and it's nothing he needs to know...

I do not want to hurt Ed... Nor do I believe Marc wants to... I do not feel Marc will tell him either... however I do not know if Marc has told anyone else... I also fear what this knowledge will do to Ed & Marc's friendship....

I truly understand the dilemma you're facing... you did what you did thinking it was over... no other reason....

However I feel as I believe you do: that this omission of truth equates to a lie....

I'm torn... but for now I'm keeping my mouth shut... I HOPE THIS WORKS!...

Best of luck.

Tina 838..

Comment #2

Under most circumstances I'd say it doesn't matter and you should refuse to tell him. But... If you are going to get back into a relationship, then you're right, it's best to clear the air so he can make the best decision. And if he's hounding you about it then it's unlikely you will be able to keep the secret for too long. I would first make sure you really want to get back into a relationship (thru Match.com) and I hope the reason you broke up is no longer an issue...

Comment #3

NO you do not tell him...it really is non of his business. it's the past and you ned to tell him that. I tell you what might hapen...the friendship might end...and thats not fair!!!..

Comment #4

Yeah...this is why it is such a tough situation.I don't want to ruin their friendship over something that both the friend and I didn't consider would ever be of any consequence.That's why I'm wondering if I should mention it to the friend first if I decide to go ahead and do it?I just know that if my ex found out later rather than sooner...it might be worse. And it might be better coming from me than from someone else...

Comment #5

Wow, yes, very similar situations.In your case though, I definitely think you are doing the right thing considering...it did happen before anythingg between you and Ed happened at all. So it doesn't have any bearing considering the friend didn't know anything would happen between you and him either. And you had no past so to speak of...

Comment #6

I don't think you should talk to his friend first...

Comment #7

Your first mistake was telling him you slept with someone else, TMI, it is none of his business what you did when you were broke up.  The real red flag here is why is he so insistant to know who it was.  This would make me rethink getting back together..

PS:  Who did he sleep with while you were broke up?  If he said no one I would not believe that at all..

 .

 .

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 .

My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #8

I suppose it could be a considered a mistake that I told him in the first place, but I'm a very honest person so it's hard for me to conceal or shrug off things like that. Although, I'm sure a lot of people in general, including him, do.The reason that he wants to know is...well he is a pretty jealous guy and I'm sure it gets under his skin that there was someone else. No, he isn't angry about it, just really curious because of his nature. For better or for worse; I guess for worse in this situation because it shouldn't matter.While we were broken up, he has slept with multiple people, actually. And I know that. The difference between him and I is that I do not want to know at all.

So I don't ask who it was...

Comment #9

He is a pretty jealous guy this is a huge red flag.  Jealousy is a very ugly thing.  It leads to control and in some cases verbal and physical abuse.  This would be very hard to live with.  IMO rekindling this relationship (thru Match.com) is not a good thing..

 .

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 .

My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #10

If it were me, I'd just tell my guy.  It really shouldn't matter and if it does bother him then better to know now than later.  I dont like wasting my time.  But that's just me.   We're the same in that I wouldnt ask who he slept with. .

You have to do what's right for you.  It can be situational...

Comment #11

Your dude is jealous and he has to know...dont walk RUN!!!!..

Comment #12

Hello:.

I think you should tell him if you want this to go any where...keeping a secret that people know about and can get back to him is best heard from the horses mouth...I personally hate being the dumb person that doesn't know what everyone is talking about... You guys were not together, so therefore you did nothing wrong....

 ..

Comment #13

Run! What kind of guy just HAS to know who his ex slept with? What is he going to do with the information when he gets the name of the guy? Did you consider that he may already know, or that he might suspect it?.

If it weren't for the fact that it was with the friend, I wouldn't say anything at all. If you two are not back together yet, it is definitely not his business. However, if you think things will be worse if he finds out later on, tell him. Besides, the friend might come clean eventually anyway..

IMO, the most important thing now is that you both get tested since you've both been with other people..

 ..

Comment #14

I agree with the others that who you slept with is in the past and shouldn't matter at all to him, especially since he slept with multiple other people during that same time period. His jealousy and insistence that you tell him who it was makes me think all the more that it's best if you do NOT tell him. After all, what good could come of his knowing who it is? None, that I know of, and his jealousy, especially over this, is not a good sign. If it were me, I'd reconsider getting back together with him at all, but only you can decide what's right for you..

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Comment #15

Under normal circumstances I would say it is none of his business, you were broken up...but, since it is someone that you will be hanging out with and are friends with, and other people know about it, then it would be best to tell him....let him make his own decision if he can accept it or not. If he can't it is better to find out now, and if he finds out later from someone else, it will be much worse...him being so jealous should be a red flag.'"I have no problem with lying about it or concealing it, but we both have mutual friends and it is one of those things that can get out, especially since it's more than just me and the friend who know it happened."This statement should also be a red flag....you have no problem lying or concealing it...what does that say about your being trustworthy?A relationship (thru Match.com) that is not built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, honesty is really not much of a relationship, and will crumble like a house of cards. Also, what broke you up before? Has those issues been resolved and put to bed? If not, then it will eventually cause you to break up again...

Comment #16

So, I would like to say, thank you ALL for your advice. It was great getting everyone's point of view.The issue has been resolved so I would like to let you know how it turned out.I had resolved to tell him because it was just constantly in the back of my mind and I needed to get it off my chest. Well he asked me one night if I would tell him and I hesitantly said yes, knowing I would, but not just wanting to blurt out the name.The way he was asking me leading questions I got the notion that he already knew so I asked if he did and he told me that it didn't matter and I should just tell him. So I finally did.And he took it so much better than I had expected. And mentioned that, he would get over it, and it is true that we weren't dating (online dating with Match.com) at the time so I could have done whatever I wanted, and even brought up the fact that he did things while we weren't dating (online dating with Match.com) that I probably wouldn't think are the best things either.In the end he didn't tell me whether he knew before or not, although most signs point to yes.All in all, he said we didn't need to talk about it anymore and what matters is not who we had sex with but if who we really like..which is each other.So at least that is over with...

Comment #17

UPDATE....

Things did not go well...

I kept my mouth shut & so did Marc... however Ed went to a party & heard thru the grapevine that Marc & I had left together...

Ed never point blank asked me... nor did he confront Marc...

However, Marc's friend works w/ Ed and he told Marc what he had heard on the jobsite... .

I ran into Marc while out to dinner w/ my best-friend and Marc told me Ed had provided a detailed account of the night I spent w/ him....

I won't get into what was said... but I will say this much: unless the whole thing was video-taped Ed had to of talked...too many specifics, like when, where, how long, how many times & even the 'style'... I could have died...

Needless to say I will NEVER be able to show my face there again....

I still don't know what to tell you w/ regard to your situation...

I'm not really sure what the ) Ed... nothing of the sort had been even implied... I feel bad, I do... but Ed is 41 yrs old... I would not have expected him to try to embarrass me...

He must have been hurt... I don't know...

Good luck... I hope things work out for you....

Take care,.

Tina..

Comment #18


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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