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Where can i find a free love matcher on the web (kind of match.com) ?

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My first question is: Where can I find a free love matcher on the web (kind of match.com) ?

My next question is: Dear Board Members, I need your advice. I met this really nice guy, we went out on a first date using Match.com and had a wonderful time. We had a lot of fun, and at the end we kissed. On the first date using Match.com he asked me out for a second date. I said I was uncertain of my schedule, but sure I would like to. The same night after the first date using Match.com he texted me (how great the date using Match.com was, sleep well, talk to you soon etc.).

The next day I happened to be in town just where he lives, we met for a few hours and talked, had a great time. He texted me the same night. He seemed to be really into me, very enthusiastic about how well we get along in terms of taste, sense of humor, political views etc. We have been texting/talking on the phone until our third date using Match.com came. It was very nice and romantic, dinner etc.

We ended up in bed making out for several hours. He seemed to be reluctant to have sex, of course I did not pressure it at all, as I was in no rush either. After several hours of kissing and cuddling we really got a point where we got really excited, and he asked if I wanted to do it, it is up to me, he does not want to force it. I said yes (I have not been with a man in quite a while and it just felt right). It was really nice, and we slept together afterward.

I thought we were going to have sex, but when things started to heat up, he told me he wants to take it slow because of some bad experiences he has had (he did not want to elaborate on that..). So we ended up talking, having a nice time etc. When I left, he told me he would call me next week. The very next day he called, he sounded very nice and enthusiastic. However, here is my question mark; he did not ask me out on a date, or set up any plans with me.

I did not want to ask him when we would meet because I wanted to give him some room. However I am very puzzled by his behavior. Since this phone call two days went by and no calls no text messages I know two days is not a lot, but it is just strange, given that ever since our first date using Match.com we have literally been in daily contact. (I did not text or call him since he called because I want to give him room). I dont understand what happened.

Please spare yourself your time.. Thanks...

Comments (8)

Your question was: Where can I find a free love matcher on the web (kind of match.com) ?

I dont know if I am conservative or not, I guess in some ways and others not.  So no lecture or condemnation, it's just that he lost interest in you, to much, to soon, to fast. JMHO.

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Comment #1

It is hard to know what he is thinking because only he knows why he did what he did.  Just my opinion,  you having sex on the third date using Match.com with him...has nothing to do with it..

My experiences and the experiences of other women who I have known has taught me that you can have sex on the first date, the tenth date...whatever...if the guy isnt into having a relationship (thru Match.com) with you...it doesnt matter when you have sex with him. .

He didnt want to have sex again because he was hurt inthe past?  That was kind of cheesey and lame..

I prefer men who lay it on the line - "I like you, dig you, attracted to you and would like to have sex with you."  But I havent met many men who are confident enough to just say it like it is.  Of course, when it is done with some finesse it goes down a lot smoother..hehehe.  This way I am entering into something with the full knowledge as to what to expect from the guy and my choices are not taken from me because of deceit...

Comment #2

I think you need to chill! It could mean a million and one things and doesn't necessarily mean he is not interested in you. As far as setting up a next date, EVERY contact isn't going to involve setting plans. Just try to enjoy each moment for what it is. There is nothing wrong, either, in YOU txting or calling him... keep it light, "Just wanted to see how you're doing." whatever... Nor is there anything wrong with YOU saying, "I had a great time the other night, do you want to get together this weekend?" or something.

Have you thought that maybe he is sitting somewhere struggling with the same questions YOU are? Why hasn't she called me, did she lose interest, should I call her, etc, etc.....

Comment #3

Maybe he has some other life commitments, obligations and priorities he needs to deal with over the last couple of days, that have nothing to do with you..

As a man I do find it rather comical how many women jump to the worst-case negative assumptions about men the moment we don't initiate communications exactly the way she expects.  Yet, many times these same women refuse to accept any responsibility to initiate any contact in the same way they pass judgement on men..

Be an equal and make a call to see how things are going...

Comment #4

Sex with someone you really don't know well can be really awkward afterwards. I suspect this is what is happening - he's likely wondering, since he really doesn't know you well, what your expectations are now. After all, most women have expectations that sex means something - it DOES change things one way or another - this is one of the ways it changes things - not knowing what the other is expecting becuase it happened.

He hasn't even had time to decide if he likes you yet and now sex has changed the dynamic.  Many woman make mountains out of a molehill in these situations.  They see sex as their 'right' to have a relationship (thru Match.com) with a guy (I'm not implying this is you) and try to force intimacy. And the poor guy then has a clingy needy woman to contend with when he thought he was just enjoying the moment. The 'cool' woman he was getting to know has become 'desperate' because they had sex..

I agree with Spice, that you share equally in communicating. Pick up the phone and ask how he's doing. Do NOT ask why he hasn't called or when you will see him again! YIKES - that feeds into the 'expectation' stuff that guys hate.

If you are cool, he will be cool. If you are awkward, he will be too. Decide what you want to do now and proceed.

Remember - a confident woman can do what she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants without thinking badly of herself for having done it.  If you continue to show the cool confident woman you are, he will respond favorably if he is indeed interested in continuing to get to know you.

Toni..

Comment #5

I posted to you on another board but I feel strongly enough about this that I'm posting againI strongly, strongly disagree with the advice to call him.  I think based on his words and actions from that morning that he's freaked himself out a bit but if you let him be, he may well feel "safe" and bounce back.  But if he perceives you as putting pressure on him by calling, that might be the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak..

I hope he's called by now but if not, chill and give it time..

Sheri.

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Comment #6

Update on the situation:First of all, thank you all for your input. It is really funny how we are all different in terms of what we think is the best way to go ("dont even consider calling!", "call" etc.:-). In any case, I appreciate all the input, I chose the solution that is closest to my personality and temper. So he did not call since monday, I called him and left a brief message over the week-end and wrote him a short email on a website we are both on (saying I had a good time with him and was wondering how he was doing).So I gave him about 6 days worth of "space", let him know I liked him, but did not ask for a date using Match.com or did not ask him on why he dissappeared.. I figured my message this way is not too "threatening" or clingy, but still expressive that I am wondering what is going on with him.This reminds me a bit of that Sex and the City episode where a guy does not call back Miranda after a few wonderful dates and showing extreme interest. (Miranda then gets enraged and tired of disappearing guys and decides to call him and tell him off - after she curses on the phone for a half hour turns out she was talking to the guy's mother all along - the guy did not call because he died..

He seemed to be a deeply caring, honest, humane guy. I just cant make any sense out of this. Why cant he at least send a fake text message , saying he will be extremely busy etc?? Why did he even call me on Monday??THere is one more thing that occured to me that might be a reason for his behavior.. When we slept together, we had a VERY long foreplay (not that there is anything wrong with that.. :-) but it seemed like he was kind of reluctant to finally get to the act(not like I forced him or anything)even though he was physically more than ready.

Eventually (before the situation got too "soft" to continue..) I satisfied him orally.The next morning he was hugging and kissing etc., seemed like he wanted to do it, but then when I was turned on too, he kind of stopped and said it's too fast he has had some bad experiences in the past that he does not want to talk about right now etc. (it was almost like a boy version of a "tease"). That was fine with me, so we just spent the rest of the morning having fun, talking etc.But why would he call me the next day, and then why would he dissapear?? Any inputs based on this new info? THanks everyone and I hope you are all having a great week-end!..

Comment #7

I think I addressed your questions in my initial response to you on the OLD board.  I don't think the new information changes anything, it's just another reason why he might have freaked himself out..

Sheri..

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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