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When women check the money and power checkboxes on Match.com as things they want their man to have..

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My first question is: When women check the money and power checkboxes on Match.com as things they want their man to have...

My next question is: Ugh...here goes.  I can't drive b/c I have a DUI. I don't know how to mention the non driving issue to potential dates.  Down here everything is spread out so it's not possible to walk, take a cab or bus.  I'm a single mom so the idea of a stranger picking me up at my house isn't good. In the past I would meet dates at our location.  Now I've met someone who lives more than 25 miles from me, so to ask him to drive up here is a stretch.  Ideas?  Suggestions?..

Comments (20)

Your question was: When women check the money and power checkboxes on Match.com as things they want their man to have...

Hi flmiles,.

Welcome to the board!!!.

Meet somewhere in the middle.  It saves you both some money.  After you get to know him a bit, you will have to tell him about the no driving thing..

Good Luck,.

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Comment #1

I can't drive AT ALL!! Meeting him 1/2 way is impossible...

Comment #2

Do you have a friend who could take you?..

Comment #3

She's not able to drive, take a taxi or a bus.  How is she supposed to meet him halfway?.

To the OP, I agree with ioveranalyze - can you get a friend to drive you to meet him?  I agree that you should not let him pick you up and with gas prices these days, it's a bit presumptuous to make him drive to you all the time until you feel comfortable telling him.  BUT that said, the first time you meet, there isn't anything wrong with having him come to your area.  You can meet him, see if you like him and go from there if you decide to go out again. .

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Comment #4

You may as well be honest up front and have him pick you up and you can go out around where you live...

Comment #5

Unless she knows the man well already, that's a bad idea. .

And since the OP referred to "stranger" in her first post, I'm thinking she does not know this guy (maybe she met him online). .

Safety first!!!.

Sheri.

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Comment #6

Absolutely not!  From what it sounds like, she does not know this guy well - I would have guessed they met online as well.  And in NO way should she let him pick her up until she knows him better..

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Comment #7

I wasnt addressing you...I was addressing the OP.  You have your opinions and I have mine.  No need to jump on me...

Comment #8

I was addressing the original poster.  We are all entitled to our own opinions. ..

Comment #9

I'm not jumping on you.  I'm simply negating the horrible, dangerous and ignorant idea of inviting a complete stranger to your home to pick you up.  Just as you are entitled to your opinion, I am entitled to add things to it..

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Comment #10

Absolutely we are all entitled to our opinionsbut when someone expresses an opinion that has the possibility of subjecting the OP to danger, I feel it's incumbent on others to say something.  It would be irresponsible NOT to, IMO..

Sheri.

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Comment #11

IMO, be upfront from the get-go on things like this.  Otherwise, just choose to NOT date using Match.com until you can drive again..

Unfortunately, actions have consequences and getting a DUI has the consequence, obviously, of not being able to drive ... and therefore, limiting your social life.  Such is life. .

"Begin with the end in mind" is a good phrase to keep in mind when dating.   Meaning, if you meet this guy, and it works out ... the end-result is him always having to come to you.  .

So, isn't it best to just be upfront about it ... so any guy you date using Match.com can make an informed decision as to whether or not they want to make that extra effort?.

(and yes, I agree that 'coming to you' doesn't mean picking you up at your house.  It means meeting a place local to you).

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Comment #12

Fine, then negate with the OP.  The appropriate way to handle the situation is to post a reply to the OP "I disagree with some of the other posters in that I feel...".  It is inappropriate to address me or insult me with your "ignorant" statement.  Way back when, when I first started dating..all men who asked us out were strangers and they came to the house and picked us up. I understand that the world has changed, but you might wish to find out more before you get nasty with someone. ..

Comment #13

Fine. Then the appropriate thing to do is to address the OP by stating "I disagree with the other posters on the board and feel that....".  It is inappropriate to address me.  From what I have observed everyone gives their opinion to the original poster and there is no censorship to opinions on the boards...

Comment #14

If you are insulted than you both misunderstand the word ignorant and also that I am calling YOU ignorant, but rather the idea.  Ignorant simply means "uninformed or unaware" or "lacking in knowledge of a subject".   I am in no way intending to be nasty but I AM addressing YOUR comment so it is perfectly appropriate to respond to YOUR post..

As you say "in your day" you had men who were perfect strangers come pick you up.  "In your day" that might have been appropriate - generally in the old days, you probably also knew someone who knew your date using Match.com or had met before so it was NOT a perfect stranger.  The world IS different today.  Online dating (online dating with Match.com) (OLD) can be dangerous and risky and until one knows the person he/she is meeting, caution is advised.  It would not be prudent to invite someone you don't know from a serial killer on the street to pick you up at your own home.  Not to say that once you get to know someone there can't be instances (check out the OLD board), but it's better to be safe than sorry..

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Comment #15

Hmm...I've been on Ivillage since 1999 and I don't remember ever being told that it was inappropriate to address someone other than the OP in a thread. .

Besides it wasn't "other posters", it was you who expressed that opinion, which was why I addressed my comments to you..

My expressing an opinion on your opinion is not "censorship"in fact, it seems to me you're the one who's trying to censor things..

In any event, this is an odd thing to make an issue of, it seems to me.  Aren't we all just trying to help?.

Sheri.

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Comment #16

I really dont want to get too much into this, because I do feel that we are not here to debate each other on dating (online dating with Match.com) advice.  This type of interaction detracts fromthe purpose of this board, which is for all of us to provide advice or opinion to the original poster.  I can very well give the same exact advice to the next person who asks the same questions.  I can disagree with your advice too, but I will not disrupt the board and the board's flow to do so. It is up to the original poster to decide which way he or she wants to go.  So, if you feel strongly about whatyou believe in, then post a reply to the original poster stating the reasons why you feel the way you do in general and leave me out of it. To respond to me is inappropriate because of board disruption, etc..  In my day, we all met men who were strangers to us - school, bars, clubs and they did come to our home to pick us up. ..

Comment #17

Yes, but I didnt address my opinion to you...I did so to the original poster.  I have observed threads losing their original intent (to give advice to the original poster) by people arguing or debating with each other and people getting nasty with each other.  If your concern was to the original poster's safety then your actions would have been to relay that sentiment to her.  Now, I am not going to respond to your posts on this particular thread any longer because...as you can see...the board is getting disrupted by it.  My observations are that if people want to disagree/debate...then start a new thread and leave the original thread alone.  I think that even the cl-krist even made mention of it once that the purpose is to aid the original poster and we are not here for debating.  I'm not censoring you because I am suggesting that you express your sentiment to the OP, not me because I dont care...she cares.  Have a nice day...

Comment #18

Hello everyone,.

This is a reminder about our Terms of Service (TOS http://www.ivillage.com/help/tos.html) and Rules of Play (http://www.ivillage.com/boards/0,,b46m,00.html). Please remember to address other members on the message boards with the same respect you would appreciate in return. Also remember that just because another member disagrees with your point of view does not mean they are attacking you and that the Rules of Play ask us to "agree to disagree, respectfully". Anytime you post your personal situation online you're going to get advice you agree with and some you disagree with. It's up to each of us to take what we want and leave the rest.

When you see posts that seem attacking or disruptive or otherwise violate Terms of Service please click on the "report a violation" button within the body of that post to report it to the Community Team. We then ask that you ignore the messages while we have time to address them appropriately behind the scenes. All posts that are reported will be reviewed and if they meet the criteria in place they will be removed. Posts to the board to report problems could be considered board disruption and result in your own post being removed. If there is a particular member who is bothersome to you, you can place that member on your "ignore" list by clicking on their member name and then clicking "ignore" in their member profile. This will prevent you from having to see posts by them in the future.

We will make every effort to keep the boards clean of problems, and appreciate our members who take the time to alert us to potential situations. Please remember, too, that attacks, even in self-defense or defense of another member, are still attacks and are prohibited by TOS..

If you have any questions or concerns, please email me at ..

Thanks,.

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Comment #19

Well it's not something you can lie about - not being able to drive. You might not want to confess the DUI right away but again it's something that will come out.  .

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 I understand you barely know him so you don't want him at your house but perhaps he can drive up on a Sunday and you can spend a nice day together showing him the highlights of your town.

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Comment #20


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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