Your question was: Whats the song from the match.com commercial?.
It seems strange that he would go out of his way to see where you are and then not follow through with a phone call or any actions that would indicate that he was still interested. If you feel that you are doing all the chasing and not seeing any interest on his part then stop pursuing him. Some people cant stop the pursuing..it becomes all encompassing. It doesnt seem like you have this problem so dive into the holidays without a thought about this guy...he sounds like a mind game player...
Thanks, it's just so odd to go out of someones way like that. I mean I know he works long hours and rides a bike and all that. But to text me in the am on the 3rd day I was like do people still play the 3 day rule? Then when I say I'm out, him text that he is out in the same city and I am an so on. I mean I'm busy would sufice. Just like the explaining I was on my bike when you called and getting wet and getting wet now 2? Seems like a nice guy, approach is kinda odd? I figure ill deal with it if he comes around and do my normal what are you looking for or wanting? No clue on this one. The ones I dont like I figure out in 5 minutes, ones I do I never can...
You should be very flattered. The facts are he was attracted and interested enough to come and look for you. He was so interested that he went the extra mile.
Now he's not interested (brutal but true). He isn't even giving you a ounce of his time or energy. Not returning your calls and/or not giving you a second of his time to talk. It takes nothing for him to just talk.
I know and you know that you are worth more. I think he has thrown you off kilter b/c you were attracted to him also. You are questioning what's right and what's wrong. Do I chase or let him chase me..
But let's think about what you want.
1. Do you want to chase a boy?.
2. Do you want to be sitting by the phone?.
3. Do you want to put so much emotional and mental energy into a guy that won't even talk to you on the phone?.
If you answer NO then good.
You were interesting and attractive enough for one man to hunt you down so I KNOW there will be another man just around the corner. My advice. DO NOT CALL HIM, TEXT HIM. Do what they call the NO CONTACT rule.
I had a guy that would dangle just enough attention in front of me and then withdraw. I spent a year waiting for him to realize what a great catch I was. I wasted a whole year waiting for him to come around. I would text him and he wouldn't even respond. I don't know why I was so into him. I just stopped trying to analyze him and the situation and started to think about what I wanted and how I wanted to be treated.
So I started the no contact rule. I avoided place I would see him. And didn't call or text him. 2 months later I feel great. My mind and heart are happy and not stressing over him.
SO ARE YOU.......................................................
This guy is bad news so the sooner you cut ties with him the better off you'll be..
I hate to say this, but it sounds like he is testing you to see if you get obsessive compulsive about him. It is a sick thing that I have seen men do to women who they are "just friends" with and before you know it...these women who were very together...lost it because of some guy. By dangling the carrot of "in same city" with you...he tries to see if you jump to take the bait. They always keep themselves juuuussst out of reach. This guy is disturbed...
Ok so I figured since I am who I am. I text Larry, I sent him just wanted to say hello, wondered if you wanted to hang out, since I dont hear from you idk and I dont play games so if thats what your into I'm not interested.he replys HUH??So I text look you dont call and dont ask to meet up so I dont know what to think. So ill be at karokee tomorrow if your interested.he text me your phone goes to voicemaili send when now?he text call meSo I did, he goes I dont like to text and I think it's juvenial. I'm like ya me too since it locks up my phonei said you text me 1st. he goes I always get vm. I said leave a message.
I didnt get home til 1130 last night and I'm on call. My job is 24/7. I said ok I work. he goes I know I just dont have time to text. he goes I will try and call you later when I get a break..
How in the world is this guy disturbed? "In the same city" in many areas of the country means a lot - you might have several large cities that are within a couple hours of each other and live in one and commute to another. So to say you are in someone's city is no big deal. .
Also, with my phone, if I don't have it ON me, I will often miss calls and text messages. I could send one out but if I don't have it with me, I may not know I have a return until much later when I have reconciled all my emails and have an unread message. The guy was in a noisy bar. Maybe his phone was on the bar or in his car or maybe he was using it and didn't realize he had a new message..
I truly fail to see how he all of a sudden becomes obsessive/compulsive and disturbed because they have missed a few connections. .
Some men, especially doctors, test the people in their environment. If you are related to a doctor, I'm sorry if I offend you. I worked around doctors for about 5 years and even when they are not seeing patients they constantly check out the staff, the drug reps, and others...because they are so used to examining people that they do it subconsciously. Doctors are also a bit neurotic and paranoid so if someone has too much enthusiasm..they mistake it for bipolar. If someone is focused and determined...it turns into obsessive compulsive. It is just my opinion, but by the way he behaved it sounds like he was testing her for any kind of neuroses...
I know he told you he is interested...but maybe it is not in accordance with how you define interested. An interested person leaves voicemail messages, calls the other person and doesnt play coy cat and mouse games.
I understand that he is "on call" and if he is a doctor there is a good chance that he has learned to live life behaving like a prince where everyone jumps when he barks. I 'm not saying all doctors are like this...but enough are that they have created their own bad reputation...
He isnt a doctor he is a repair person who travels from location to location for big corporations. I dont know why he says 1 thing and does another? I mean as soon as he thinks I'm jumping ship it seems he reacts. Now he is divorced and I dont know that story. I do feel badly for the way I acted yesterday and wonder if I should apologize, but I did say what I felt and wanted to end any games at the head...
No where in the post does it say he's a doctor and the OP has now said he is a repairman. Does your answer change now that he is a repairman? I hardly think a repairman is going to be testing for obsessive compulsive disorder. Nor do I think that what this man was doing was malicious or clandestine to find out if she has neuroses!! I think the guy is being a guy and at this point not sure of his feelings or what he wants to happen. He's busy. It's the holidays. He's got a lot going on and the OP overreacted (by her admission) to his wishy-washiness. Being wishy-washy hardly makes someone the evil, disturbed person you are making him out to be..
I am sorry if you have been so hurt and offended by doctors in the past. But your blanket answer and jumping to conclusions is a bit much. I am not related to a doctor and not all doctors are disturbed. .
Don't aplogize, just let it go and try to be a little more patient in the future. This time of year is crazy for everyone much less a guy who works a lot. You like this guy, but you hardly know him. You had a life before you met him and you should continue living that life. If he calls you and you go out, great. If you don't you are no worse off than you were before you met him. Besides, if he can't stop being wishy-washy long enough to arrange a meeting with you or whatever, do you really want to be with someone like that?.
I said "if"... and I still stand by my answer...men have done this to women I have known...testing them taunting them ... to see if they lose control. You dont have to agree with me...that's fine. Be happy you are not one of these women. .
"He's busy. It's the holidays. He's got a lot going on and the OP overreacted (by her admission) to his wishy-washiness."> all excuses. And once upon a time...I'd probably take one of them as a possibility. I have not been hurt this way romantically by doctors or any man...but it is sick to see how women who were very confident and steady become a nervous wreck. .
"not all doctors are disturbed"> true...and I didnt state that...that would be you jumping to conclusions. ..
If the actions and words dont match..then the words arent sincere. Maybe he likes a chase and the chase is more rewarding than the relationship. Dont apologize...his words and actions dont match - this is how men get women to be overly accomodating to them and use that to play more games. Eventually the woman apologizes for just breathing...it is sort of how mental abusers take control...getting a woman to doubt herself. Soon the woman cant make a decision about what she sees because she is not in touch with her instincts. And if he ever asks you why you came to that conclusion...point that out. I am not saying he is an abuser...just be careful and make sure that he is called on the carpet when his words and actions dont match..
Trust me I understand. I know I showed weakness and what not by calling and texting. But I'm not a waiter if that sounds right. I mean ok meet someone one day a few days later they come looking for you knowing that you usually are there. Fine all goes well. We leave, he says you have my number.
Well I am aggressive but not the stalker type. I get bored of having to chase , Ive met alot of men who are intimated by me I am 5'10 wear heals and stand tall and proud and am told very attractive. But I refuse to play games. I am a very straight front person and sometimes I loose that. I had 7 years of mind games with someone.
I learned I wont do them again. Now with Larry, if he wants to work all the time that is fine. The one thing I am not used to is he is a biker. I know from friends of mine they do alot of riding and they are different then some men. BUt I hate the idea I am already analyzing so either I need to breath and see what happens or I am not ready and sub consciously truing to sabatage things? I mean I know me and if I werent interested I would have either responded back you have the wrong idea, not interested or stop calling me.
The night I met him there was a girl there with him. Well she came on his bike since he had helmets. She got mad and jealous about him talking to me. Now I am no homewrecker and as soon as I got there he was talking to me and so, I asked who does she belong to. None of them.
But I am very blunt and clear to the point. So either he is busy due to the holidays and it's his in season or he is afraid or he is a player? I wont know until he makes more moves or learns to use a phone. I dont need daily calls I have a life and that wont change. But I will not be the "man" in a relationship...
<<"not all doctors are disturbed"> true...and I didnt state that...that would be you jumping to conclusions. >>.
So I guess I missed the "some" or "most" or something in the statement below? Nope, don't think so. .
<<Doctors are also a bit neurotic and paranoid so if someone has too much enthusiasm..>>.
Women make themselves a nervous wreck. The men do not force them to do this. It is sad to see but these women are obviously not confident in themselves if they allow the actions of others to become that way. Every woman has been there, done that and you learn from it. If a woman doesn't want to put up with it, then she doesn't have to. I get tired of women who blame men for all their problems. If we are unhappy, we control our own destinies. Those are not excuses, they are facts of life and the OP can choose to accept these facts or not. Again, her call..
" I know I showed weakness and what not by calling and texting.".
No you didnt..
You see, everyone loves differently. What people forget is that each person kind of speaks their own language to an extent and the person who is best suited for us is usually someone who speaks love the same way and loves the same way as us, so we interpret their behavior as love. If we date using Match.com someone who demonstrates love in a manner that we do not "get" then we'll never really feel loved by that person and continually ask that person to do things that we feel that show that they care..like cards, or flowers, or backrubs. If the other person doesnt see love that way, then they wont do it and they'll feel nagged and wonder why you just dont accept their gestures as love..
I do not know any bicycle enthusiasts or have dated any, so I cant help you there. If there was a girl who acted like she had dibs on this guy...then pay attention to your female intuition. He may be juggling women, but you wont know that at this point..
If you are analyzing a lot then you may need a break from this guy to settle down inside, take a step back and see this as two people who assessing if they may or may not click instead of wondering what he's all about and why things are going the way they are going. If you are not clicking...then let it go. Remember...you need to assess him too, just like you would a company that you are interviewing with for a job. It is not about him choosing you and that's it...things work both ways. I'm sure when you interview with a company you ask questions to see if you and a company are a fit - like about corporate culture, their mission, how they facilitate their mission, their growth, their plans and I'm sure you ask about the interviewer's management style. .
When a person tells another that they have a life and that wont change it means that they are looking for someone to revolve their lives around them. They wont budge or compromise with you. That is not good. A relationship (thru Match.com) is all about compromise. A man or woman who says this is selfish and doesnt want an intimate relationship (thru Match.com) with someone..
You have already made some moves and if he feels that texting is juvenile then he has his reasons. Maybe he doesnt want to be held accountable for anything to anyone. I have never heard anyone call it juvenile before. The ball is really in his court at this point and if you have been a game player in the past then that hook eye is still there...because he already snagged his hook into it and now, subconsciously, you are responding to it. He doesnt sound like is able to give you what you want at this point in your life so keep your options open and you'll find someone who is available emotionally and physically for you...
"Women make themselves a nervous wreck. The men do not force them to do this. It is sad to see but these women are obviously not confident in themselves if they allow the actions of others to become that way. Every woman has been there, done that and you learn from it. If a woman doesn't want to put up with it, then she doesn't have to. I get tired of women who blame men for all their problems. If we are unhappy, we control our own destinies. Those are not excuses, they are facts of life and the OP can choose to accept these facts or not. Again, her call.".
You know vex, I agree with you. Sometimes, people do choose to respond to others in the way that they do. Some people dont realize that they are getting "emotionally highjacked" and they just let themselves go nuts about some guy. Meanwhile the guy couldnt care less about them and they end up laughing at the women who are distraught (I have seen a couple of men do this...and it is not nice when they do this) and they feel flattered that a woman lost control like that over them. Men and their trophies *sigh*. The only issue I have is that people (men or women) sometimes prey upon people who are at their wits end in life (not saying this in respect to OP) and then enjoy sending them over the edge. I never saw people this way before. It is only in the last 5 to 10 years that I have noticed how people have changed in how they treat each other - more dog eat dog..
In respects to the OP, if this guy keeps saying that he is not available due to whatever reason he has by phone or in person...then it is clear signal to me that is is not right for a relationship (thru Match.com) with her - as she needs that contact...like we all do. He could be looking for a casual sex thing and doesnt want to be held down to dates, phone calls, text messages or anything accountable...