What's that song on the commercial?

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My first question is: What's that song on the commercial?.

My next question is: I met a really nice man a month ago and I feel like I've been dumped into the sea and the waves are tossing me around.  He was divorced around three years ago and it was ugly.  He has full custody of his two kids 15 and 6.  I like this man and would really like to see where this can go, but I'm at a loss as to how to proceed.  My personality is a take control and figure things out.  He is really laid back.  I think he really likes me, but has some fears.  I think I have the same ones.  Will we hurt each other (I was divorced a year and a half ago) and how will the kids take this.  I'm not really having trouble with the older one.  I used to be a high school teacher and teenagers I can figure out.  Now the six year old is a different story.  The little ones are a mystery to me.  She's been asking Daddy why he spends so much time with me - well I can figure that out - and he has been good about explaining in an appropriate 6 year way.  I thought I would try to get to know her better and please don't get me wrong I don't want to push, but a little step I didn't think would hurt.  Last night we went shopping for the children that my work adopted for Christmas.  They are her age and I thought she would be a great help and she was.  Toward the end of the night, she was talking to Dad and she said lets go home and (me) goes home too.   (so she was done with me)  Was this rude?  See I really don't know little ones.  When Dad ran into the gas station, we were talking and she thought it ridiculous that a grown up should have an iPod and she told me so.  (I think her words were - I didn't think grown ups had iPods)  I took this as a dig.  I'm trying not to take this personally, but...    Any suggestions.  I know about the time part, but how do I make it through this time part and still like her Dad?  He's a good man and his kids adore him.  (very impressive)  He doesn't speak ill of their Mom in front of them, but he has explain a little of what we will be up against.  He is great a picking his battles.  I enjoy his company and he has a lot of good qualities.  I'm looking for a level headed man and not the charmers who leave.  He fits the bill so far and trust me I'm watching carefully.  I just really don't want to mess up anything with the kids..




Comments (9)

Your question was: What's that song on the commercial?.

A 6 year old child is not capable to perfectly choose her words to guarantee that any she says is not seen as rude or a dig at an adult.  Don't judge her at the same level as you would an adult or expect her to communicate in such a way as to protect your feelings.  She's not capable of that and that would be highly unreasonable expectation to place on any 6 year old..

The basic fact is that her Daddy is her world in terms of family values etc.  His kids are his #1 priority in life and will be with her for at least another 12 years.  You have the opportunity to be his #1 adult in his life but not his #1 priority in life.  It is completely natural for his daughter to desire Daddy time and this should not offend you..

If it does offend you, then simply put, this is the wrong relationship (thru for you...

Comment #1

Thanks for reminding me that I can't expect the same of the little one.  I don't mind her having Daddy time at all.  I wouldn't like this man if he neglected her for me, and I do understand that he is the best judge of how much time she needs with him.  I'm just looking for some advice on how to understand a 6 year old better.  I've never been a parent and just simple don't know.  Thanks again for the advice about expectations.


Comment #2

Most 6 yr olds are very open and very blunt, until social conditioning sets in.  She's not being rude and she's not trying to get in a dig.  She's simply being honest about what she believes is the truth (adults don't have iPods - LOL she doesn't get out much - my brother had 4 until he gave one to both of his sisters).  She doesn't see the two of you as a couple, not a 'we' so when she's ready to go home, that means you go back to wherever you came from, no malice..

Kids are great, you can make your feelings known in a light way - 'really, Daddy doesn't have an iPod?  Most teachers I work with all have them.'  then let it go..



Comment #3

Thanks Carrie,.


I'm so new at little kids that I was getting worried that I wouldn't be able to do this.  It's nice to know that I'm not off base in what I was thinking.  She's such a sweet little thing.  Thanks for the laugh I got from your comment on the iPod too.  I was thinking she needed to get out more as well   Time will tell..


Thanks again.  You being positive and constructive was great..


Comment #4

I think the other posters have addressed the issue of how six year olds are pretty well. .

My question is, after only a month, why doe he have you spending so much time with his kids (or even meeting them so soon)?  Young kids, especially, get attached pretty easily and you have no idea this early on where things are going to go..

While I don't have kids myself, I have friends who are single parents (of both genders), and I have dated a number of single dads and really admire and respect the ones who have a policy of not bringing their dates around their kids until the couple has been together for a while and are pretty sure things are going to get serious.  I'd be wondering a bit about his judgment, honestly..

I would slow things down so far as the kids are concerned and not spend time with them on a regular basis just yet..


Comment #5

I've thought the same thing.  A lot of resources (books, online stuff, friends, etc.) all agree with you.  I have a friend that is a single parent and she gave me a different response.  She said, "maybe he's trying to tell you this is me and all that comes with it.  take it or leave it".  I've only seen the kids a few times and I know that we do not have attachments yet, but I do understand and appreciate what you are saying.  I've wanted to address this with him.  Do you have any suggestions?  He's a busy Dad with two kids (he has full custody), he works full time and is building a house right now.  I like spending time with him and I have to admit it was good to see him interact with his kids.  He does a really good job with them.  I also don't want to take time away from his kids.  Any advise on the scheduling as well would be appreciated..




Comment #6

He may well be trying to tell/show you that, but that doesn't mean he's necessarily thought through the possible effect on his kids (especially the young one).  Nor does showing you who he is need to mean that he needs to involve you with his kids as yetthere's plenty of time for that down the road if things get serious once you've gotten to know each other better..

It almost sounds like he's involving the kids as much as he is this early on because it's more convenient for him to do so, and that would concern me a bit. .

I think I'd approach it something like this"I've really enjoyed meeting and spending time with your children and I'm so glad you feel comfortable having them spend time with me, but I would really like to get to know each other more one on one before spending more time with them.  Of course, I hope things will continue to go well between us, but I would hate to get attached to them and them to me in case things don't work out." .

As far as scheduling, hopefully he is able to spend "grownup time" (i.e., without the kidspresumably the 15 year old can babysit?) with you once or twice a week which is a good amount of time to be spending together at this early stage in any event..



Comment #7

I have not been in your situation and I dont have any kids of my own...but my feeling is that things are moving too fast for this little girl.  Maybe she is asserting her home with her father in a way that is not being heard correctly, like, "this is our house, right dad?"  "this lady doesnt live with us as a family, right dad?" - because she is a little anxious about a new family starting right now.   I dont think she is being disrespectful but trying to assert that he and the two kids are the family and you are a friend to the this point.  Her words about grown ups having ipods are benign...but did her tone upset you?.

I am not sure involving you so fast in her life (a month of dating) was the wisest thing to do. Maybe she should have been kept at a distance for a while so she could digest things slowly...without her watching the two of you together..holding hands, kissing, etc.  Then eventually she would have grown curious about you and maybe the interactions would have gone a little differently.  She may feel the need to assert her authority in the know...her standing in the family..and needs to be reassured that that cant be taken away...

Comment #8

You only met a month ago - I don't feel he should be having you hang out with his kids so much at this point anyway.  It's not a longstanding relationship. Who knows what might happen. They've been through a nasty parental breakup, they  dont need another potential loss.


And the little girl is very confused - she probably just wants him to get back with her mother.  She's not digging at you.  She's  possibly threatened by you.  She's just a little girl - none of it is personal... Just be kind to her, and fun and casual. .


Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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