What type of experiences have you had on

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My first question is: What type of experiences have you had on

My next question is: You've all had a lot to say about the settling article and I've enjoyed reading your posts.  Lets take this to the next step.  What qualities would your ideal partner have?  If you decided you wanted one?  What are those characteristics that you just can't live without.  List your top ten or just start typing.


Here are mine:.

1.  a good man should have a strong sense of self - you know I want him to know who he is, where he came from, and where he wants to go..

2.  responsible - he can balance a check book and pay his bills on time, do a load of laundry, etc..

3.  willing to compromise.

4.  I like a man that can laugh.

5.  for the physical stuff - a man's eyes say a lot and he has to have a good smile..

6.  passion is always important.

7.  I like a level headed man.

8.  someone who doesn't take life too terribly serious.

9.  he needs to like the outdoors.

10.  he knows how to pick his battles..

You know at first I thought I'd have a hard time coming up with 10 things, but now that I've got started, I could keep going..


So....What do you want in a partner?.





Comments (8)

Your question was: What type of experiences have you had on

1) no penises (important).

2) high self esteem.

3) fun.

4) she MUST have ATLEAST an olympic gold metal .

5) ok I'll settle for an olympic silver metal, but she must have some other redeeming qualities.

6) I actually have a story of why I'm always afraid that a penis would pop out of a girl that I'm dating's pants.



Comment #1

Urs are good!   Here's mine:.

1.  Confident..

2.  Responsible..

3.  Makes me laugh..

4.  Total loyalty and support..

5.  Not too proud to admit when he's made a mistake and can say sorry..

6.  Passionate about his work or a hobby..

7.  Good manners (!!!).

8.  Thoughtful..

9.  Not afraid to throw down for me..

10. Is interested in what I have to say and in my life : ).

Edited 2/13/2008 11:15 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #2

So,  Let's here the story!!.



Comment #3

So far everyone has mentioned important traits. Let's see...

1.  I would like him to possess a sense of honor about himself - which leads him to treat others honestly, fairly and with respect - but doesnt allow people to walk all over him too..

2. Responsible and reliable.

3. Sense of humor - but be able to talk seriously when appropriate.

4.  He would possess the ability to compromise - which means that my needs are important too.

5.  I like affection in and out of bed - the ability to be passionate about a person even during moments that are not sexual is important and also leads to better sex.

6.  Thoughtful and considerate.

7.  has diverse interests - I like variety and I enjoy doing different things socially.  That was a great trait of my first exhusband.  He would be just as interested in going to a concert, sporting event, art gallery, or camping. .

8. Confident about who he is (as a human being) and because he knows himself and knows that he has plenty good to give doesnt resort to childish manipulation to make another person feel bad about themselves in an effort to take control.  He knows that loving behavior begets loving behavior.  Thus he wouldnt be a gameplayer - gameplayers are insecure that is why they play games.  Confidence about himself as a man in all areas -even sex too.   I have heard men say that they are afraid of women who know themselves sexually or who are comfortable about themselves sexually - what a turnoff! .

9. Supportive during good times or bad.  Someone who I can talk to about the good and bad times..

10.  Someone who has an interest in what makes me tick..


Comment #4

Isn't it interesting that so far all of us have said that we want our SO to be responsible?.



Comment #5

Of course we want someone responsible - we need to feel our hearts are in good hands=)..

Comment #6

Good heart, great sense of humor, someone committed to making a relationship (thru work, someone who is respectful, a good communicator,  treats me like a lady, someone you can trust going thru the vagaries of life.  And of course if he looks like George Clooney that's not a bad thing.


Comment #7


As a follow up to your original post....

 Do you have a love checklist?By Amy Klein.


Dana got divorced when she was 34, an age where many of her friends hadnt even walked down the aisle yet. Now, when she listens to their dating (online dating with stories stories about magic and chemistry and clicking she knows that although she has suffered, she is also wiser. When I met my husband, we clicked from the very beginning. The chemistry, the immediate connectionit was all there, Dana said. What wasnt there, she discovered in the three years of marriage following their whirlwind six-month courtship, were subtler, more important elements necessary to make a long-term relationship (thru work. Although her ex-husband was effusive in expressing sentiments like I love you while they dated, he couldnt get real when they were dealing with the day-to-day of married life.

Now, a year after the end of her marriage, shes ready to go out into the field againbut this time, better prepared. Dana has made a list of her non-negotiablesher checklist for those qualities shes looking for in a mate. Vulnerability and openness are high on it. It may not sound romantic, but she believes it's essential to finding the right partner. Im not like my friends looking for a magical connection from the moment we meet, she said.

In fact, many experts and regular people will tell you that it's just this sort of practical approach making your list and keeping it in mind as you date using thats crucial when looking for a long-term mate. Heres why: The listWhy make one?Hollywood has convinced us that love will conquer all, even between the unlikeliest of couples. In Along Came Polly, the neurotic and rigid Ben Stiller falls for the messy and unstructured Jennifer Aniston, but in real life theyd likely murder each other within the first month of marriage. But thats what happens when chemistry hijacks reason. We overlook those things (she likes adventure and he prefers stability to constant change) that are ultimately truly important to us.

Its not just for people who have been married before and therefore may have a clearer sense of what they need in a mate. We all need checks-and-balances on our hormones. Sure, hes charming and fabulous and makes you laugh, and shes beautiful and smart like a whip, but will he be the type to help take care of the kids you want? Will she be the type to settle down? If not, can you live with that five or ten years down the line? Understand the meaning behind the items on the listIts not enough to make the listyou have to be honest with yourself about why the underlying qualities you chose are important to you. For example, if you think you want to be with someone who is wealthy, maybe you really want someone who makes you feel secure more generally. Or if you think you want someone good-looking, perhaps you really want someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

I liked my husband because he was good at taking care of things, said Pam, 48, whose marriage recently ended. But when it came down to it, he wasnt able to take care of me. Next time around, instead of looking for someone to help take care of her car, her finances and her schedule, Pam is focusing on finding a man to will be there for her emotionally. Examine your list: Is it realistic?Look at your list: Is one requirement a man who works in a creative field and another a man whos financially stable? Or are you looking for a career woman but also want someone who will be home in time to eat dinner with you every night? Sometimes you cant have it all. Make sure youre not creating what mathematicians call a null set, a list of requirements that no one can meet.

This isnt a list of qualities youd find in your fantasy mate: Its a list that a real-live human being could fulfill. And like a good relationship, it requires compromise. Make the list your ownDating experts, books, and talk-show hosts not to mention your friends and relatives might tell you there are some hard and fast rules for dating. That a guy has to be the kind to call you by Tuesday if he wants to see you the following weekend, and so on. The items on their lists might work for some people, but not necessarily for you.

You have to make the list your own. My friend Lisa is open to dating (online dating with people from different religions, but my friend Mark is a Mormon, so finding a Mormon woman is a top priority. And while I need someone who is into fitness and the outdoors, since thats an integral part of my lifestyle, my friend Danielle is more of a homebody, so my guy wouldnt match the requirements on her list. Stick to your gunsHaving a list doesnt make you too picky. You know what works for you and what doesnt.

Keep this in mind when well-meaning friends offer advice: If they try to set you up with someone who doesnt have the important qualities on your list, dont let them pressure you into wasting time meeting someone who isnt compatible. If youre looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, youre not looking to meet just anyone. As long as your list is realistic, stick to it.

Amy Klein is an editor and singles columnist at The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. She has written for The San Francisco Chronicle, The Chicago Sun-Times, The Jerusalem Post and The Los Angeles Daily News...

Comment #8

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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