What to say on

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My question is: What to say on

My 2nd question is: Hi everyone, this is my first post. So be nice!.

Here is my deal. I met this guy online through eHarmony... we have been chatting back and forth on email for about a week or so now. We have really hit it off. Last week, which was the first week we had been chatting, he would email me several times a day, "Hope you have a good day!", " How is your day?" etc.. we would chat about everything and nothing at all..

We also talked on the phone a couple times during the week too. So on Friday, on a whim, we decided to get together. We have a great time and I ended up staying at his place...

I left on Saturday morning, he told me he would like to do something soon again, we left it at that. We texted Sat night, and then he texted me again Sunday morning on his way to golf and then again when he was drunk after Golf....

Yesterday morning (Monday), I sent him a note to see how he was feeling, I knew he was hungover. He just said he felt like crap and didnt sleep well. I wrote back, said I was sorry he wasnt feeling well, sent him a funny website and left it at that..

So it is now tuesday, I had wanted to email him all day.. but didnt. Finally I broke down and emailed him half way through the day to see how his day was and if he was feeling better. That was two hours ago.. and still havent heard anything back - and he is usually very quick to respond..

Basically, I like this guy, I want to get to know him much better. He iniates contact alot, more than I had and I just dont want to ruin it..

Am I being silly? I mean, it is a work day (and I should be working too) - should I just chalk it up to being busy and he is working? or should I back off? He hasn't seem annoyed with the emails or anything... I know the rules, now that I have emailed, I have to wait. I cant send anymore or I will seem desperate - my question.. do I already seem desperate?.

Blah. :-).








Comments (9)

No, you dont seem desperate.  It sounds like you could be expecting behavior indicative of a man who wants you to be his girlfriend (on going communication) when you may not have fallen into that arrangment with him..

Dont contact him again.  See if he contacts you.  If he doesnt then all he wanted was to have sex with you on a noncommital basis.  Or maybe he wanted a casual relationship.  Sometimes men contact a woman a lot after sex (first few days) so that she doesnt freak on him and think that all he wanted was sex ...when that is exactly what happened...

Comment #1

Thanks. The funny thing is I just wanted to date using and hang out - I dont want to get married or even be his gf right off the bat. I just truly liked spending time with him.....

Comment #2

Are you desperate? Likely not. However, you are putting TOO much importance on things when in fact:.

You really don't know the guy yet.

You aren't in a relationship..

You aren't sure what it is you want just yet but you are already wanting constant contact..

When a woman who isn't FULLY confident in herself has sex with a man too soon she often gets this nagging anxiety because in her heart she knows she wasn't emotionally ready to go there yet and has no idea how the man may respond. therefore, she overanalyzes every little thing he does or doesn't do for proof that he is still interested or that he isn't. Which really just further feeds the anxiety she feels and causes 'crazy-making' behaviors..

I don't agree that if he doesn't call you that all he wanted was sex. That puts all the responsibility on him. He 'may' have but it may be just as likely that he wanted to get to know you first - but sex became an option so like most normal men, he said ok.  Would he gladly have waited - very likely. But now you will never know that answer.

This is the risk you take when you have sex with someone you really don't know. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself - am I more afraid that he won't call me again if we do have sex than I am if we don't?  If you can't handle the possibility that he may not call you again - then sex is something that you need to wait for.  This 'can' still happen - however when a man has had a chance to establish an emotional bond with someone - usually after a number of weeks or months - then you have a fairly good idea of his heart - at least enough to know that he wasn't just looking for a quick lay..

I have never regretted waiting to have sex with someone. I have regretted not waiting more than a few times.

Hon, sit on your hands. You had a life before you met him - it hasn't changed. I know you like him and want to spend time with him - but he has to want the same. Too much too soon is just TOO MUCH.  give him a little breathing room..



Comment #3

Hi kerbearv4878,.

Wwelcome to the board!!!.

I'd back off a bit if I were you and let him do the contacting.  Men like the hunt.  :0)  (I know I get sick of hearing that too)  Hope this all works out.  He sounds like a nice guy..

Good Luck,.



Comment #4

Well, then maybe you'll get an opportunity to tell him that.  He may not even want the structure of "dating" someone right now.  I'd hang back and see what he does...

Comment #5

 Thanks again for all of your advice. He called... twice. Once to appologize and another to ask me out. I was being a silly girl and need to relax..

Thanks again..


Comment #6

Great news!  I hope everything works out for you...

Comment #7

It may not, or it may. I can say that I have already learned alot about myself in a week. ha. It is horrible how a bad relationship (thru can ruin your future ones, if you let it..

I am just going to chill. thanks again for your kindness!..

Comment #8

Yes, when we become vulnerable again is when we experience some growing pains.  Sounds like you are doing a great job though!  Good luck...

Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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