What to do when you've traded several emails with someone on

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My first question is: What to do when you've traded several emails with someone on

My next question is: Hello. I am new to ivillage and need some advice. I am 26 and single. my boyfriend of three years, who I lived with, recently decided to end our relationship. as hard as that was I feel like I am over him and I know that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.the trouble is that I am terrified that he was my one chance at love and I am doomed to be alone. all of my friends are married and starting families.

Maybe they see something that I cannot. I admit that I am no super model and I am a bit of a nerd, but I want to believe that I will not end up a spinster.the idea of dating (online dating with is quite overwhelming, I must admit. I didn't really date using in college, as all the guys that approached me actually wanted to date using my friends. not that I blame them. I am now in graduate school and it is a sea of couples..

Comments (8)

Your question was: What to do when you've traded several emails with someone on

I really hate that you feel like this about yourself! I'm sure you look a lot better than what you think about yourself. If you found one guy you can find another one. The great thing about your age is men stop looking so much at whether or not you have the perfect body. A good number of them are starting to look more at someone they can have a future with. At least you have an idea of someone you don't want to be with, so that is good. I say give guys a chance and be open (without lowering you standards). You will be fine! If nothing else get a new haircut and a cute new outfit or do something that makes you happy! Make yourself feel good and it will radiate!!..

Comment #1

Of course you get to date using - you just need to distinguish yourself from the pack.  Usually personality goes a long way.  Try to expand your social circle...

Comment #2

The problem is You are so down on Yourself confidence is sexy and when You feel good about Yourself and happy People tend to notice and are drawn to You..

I know how Family and Friends can put pressure on You they do it to Me as well but You know what it's not there life only You know what's best for You I am sure You dont want to settle or get married for the sake of marriage like alot of People do and end up divorced so keep that in mind.

If I were You I would get involved in activities at school or outside that You like so You can meet Men with the same interest's also You will be in Your comfort zone which You will feel at ease with and I bet someone New will enter the picture sooner or later usually when You least expect it!!.

Stay positive!..

Comment #3

I want to ditto everyone and comment that confidence is sexy. You have to feel good about you before you can be happy with someone else. Do what you think will boost your confidence: a new hairstyle/wardrobe - but do it for YOU. Your confidence will attract confident men who will respect that trait in you. Two things can happen when women are not confident: scumbags use them, or good men get tired of having to reassure them. Also, you want a man who will appreciate all of you, not just your looks..

>>my family and friends talk about my single-at-26-status like it's a death sentence and that I have no chance of finding love again.<<.

I also want to address this. 26 is young! I know so many people who are single at this age and embrace it while they are. Then, before they know it, they meet someone. You are WAY too young to be worrying about being single for the rest of your life..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #4

My sister didnt getmarried till she was 32 and didnt have her first child till 33 and now with my niece 2 they are excpeting thier seocnd at 36. So fdont give up hope and dontgo out there with the I have to get married and have kids now...enjoy the dating (online dating with thing a relax. Walk with your head held high and walk with attitude to your life ;o)..

Comment #5

"Two things can happen when women are not confident: scumbags use them, or good men get tired of having to reassure them. Also, you want a man who will appreciate all of you, not just your looks.".

The other thing that can happen when you are not confident is that you may attract a man who is "nice" but boring, i.e., does not ring your bell.  I know, it has happened to me.  That type of situation is it's own dead end...

Comment #6

Wow, I'm sorry your boyfriend dumped you, but do you really think he was your only chance at happiness???You are only 26!!!  There is plenty of time to find the right man.  And don't think you have to find him while you are in grad school, in a small town full of Amazon women.  Any of us would be intimidated in that situation.  Please, don't compare yourself to them anyway - figure out what it is about you that sets you apart, and flaunt it.  You seem very intelligent, and that is much more attractive to an intelligent man than some vapid, silly model-type.   Besides, you are probably a babe and don't even realize it.  Look at yourself in a new way - try a cute new haircut and get some makeup advice from a pro.  Maybe join a gym - NOT that you're fat, just do it to feel strong and sexy.  Having some muscle tone really goes a long way to having more confidence..

Focus your energy on building yourself up, finishing school and finding your dream job.  You have to believe that you are awesome, get some great accomplishments under your belt, feel good about yourself WITHOUT a man, then when you find one, you don't feel like he has to "complete" you.  We all want the happy ending, but you have to take charge of your life.  Don't be a victim here - you are a powerful, intelligent, cool woman and if you believe that, the men will line up around the block!.


Comment #7

<<i am terrified that he was my one chance at love and I am doomed to be alone. >>.

I always laugh at these kinds of doomsday statements. Imagine if the whole world only got one chance at love? The WHOLE would with rare exception would be full of miserable, lonely, broken hearts who's 'one chance' passed because of death, chance, circumstance, what not.

Hon, if we only got 'one chance' at love what would be the point of anyone making a life after that person left for whatever reason?  Imagine if we only got once chance at employment, or to buy a home, or to achieve a dream?.

Your fear of the unknown is talking.  Your future is as happy or as miserable as you choose it to be - you can buy into the lie that you 'should be married at 26' and that your one chance has passed or you can use the time you have now as a single lady to do and enjoy things you MAY NOT be able to married and/or with kids - travel, take classes, develop a hobby, etc. .

Hon, your life is not about whether or not you are married - your life is about how well you enjoy all the season of it - be it part of a couple or as a single. When I was your age, I moved away from home and found ME - I saw and experienced a life I could not do where I grew up. And that has truly shaped who I am today. Yes, I now live back near my homeplace - and all my friends who married young are struggling to 'find themselves' because they were unable to younget due to demands of family..

Wishing away singleness is like wishing you were grown and out of the house when you were still a kid - the grass looks so much greener and it's easier to assume that you can't be happier right where you are.  Then you look back and wish you could do it all over again.  The bottom line is this - if you can't be content with your life now, you really won't be content with another person - you will just be more occupied.

Enjoy being single while you are single. Tell your well meaning family that "I will marry when I've met the right person and it's right for me" Smile and offer no defense to being single. This is what you are right now - look at them - has marriage made any of them truly and deeply happy? If not, then why on earth would you buy their thoughts of singleness is a death sentence?.


Comment #8

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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