What the...?!

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A few of you have seen my posts before, I've been dating (online dating with this guy for a month and things have been going great...all the signs are there that it is the beginning of a wonderful relationship.  Until today that is....

We were supposed to go to lunch today and I emailed him last night to decided the where/when of it.  I got an email back from him this morning at 9am, which included this:.

"I do have to be honest with you. Saturday night my ex was at the party I went to and she and I talked a lot about our 4 years together and we decided that we owe it to one another to try and work things out. I'm sorry about the timing of this but in order to honor my commitment I can't hang out any more ".

How lame is that?!  He hasn't been with her for the better part of a year and I just think to myself 3 things: 1. If it didn't work after 4 years, how is it going to magically work now?  2.  He is such an idiot that does not know what he will be missing 3. He never should have been dating (online dating with me if he was still so into his ex...which he said he wasnt!.

I just want to hear from everyone what they think about that kind of blow off, as well as, should I email him back or just let him stew?.


Comments (6)

Your question was: What the...?!.

I'd like to give the guy kudos. He explained what his situation is and appears to have been honest about it. The whys and whats of their relationship (thru is really none of your business now. I'm sure it hurts to be rejected like that but better he be upfront with you than to just disappear, which so many people do. Get over it and move on..


Comment #1

The only thing about it that's 'lame' is that he sent you an email ... he could have still met up with your for lunch and told you in person.   However, his honesty isn't lame.   Personally, I always cringe when I hear people say "we owe it to each other" ... so, a feeling of obligation is a good reason to get back together? .

But, that's neither here nor there ... that's between them and not for you to dwell on.    As for << I just want to hear from everyone what they think about that kind of blow off, as well as, should I email him back or just let him stew? >> ... I think you should just let it go gracefully ... don't email him back, dont think about whether or not he's stewing ... just let it go.  It was only a month ... that's not much time invested ...

Leave it be.  ..

Comment #2

Uggghh ... what an awful email to get. Well, I agree with others that it's good he was honest instead of completely blowing you off. However, I think he could have at least told you this over the phone, instead of in an email, after dating (online dating with you a month.

My other thought is, as much as it hurts, be glad this happened after only a month of dating (online dating with him. You could have been six months or even a year into the relationship (thru when he came out with "I'm still into my ex.".

I might send a short email back: "thanks for telling me. good luck." And leave it at that..

I'm sorry things didn't work out here..


Comment #3

It sucks to get blown off, but his honesty goes a long way. We're not all perfect and guys can be a bit insensative but I'd say appreciate receiving THAT much and keep close the fact that he could have but did not blow you off without email, text or a phone call. You'll be over this soon enough! All the best,..

Comment #4

It has to hurt knowing that during the last month you felt things were progressing well while he was still in a holding pattern over his ex.  I know you said he hasn't been with his ex in quite some time but it can take a year for someone to be completely over an ex...depending on the intensity of the relationship..

Granted, it would have been better for him to tell you in person at lunch that he and his ex were going to give it another try.  I know I sound like the rest of the posters on the board, but he was honest with you and did not try to feel out that situation while continuing to date using you..

I wouldnt email him back or let him "stew" over anything.  In his mind you and he are there is nothing technically for him to stew over.  You would be playing a game only with yourself.  The best thing for you to do is disconnect from him and move on...

Comment #5

Let's bright side this for a minute. At least he told you the truth and didn't disappear without an explanation (although I think telling you in person would have been much better). And you only dated him for abut a month, so you didn't invest a ton of time only to find out he was still pining for his ex. Those are two really good things to hold onto as you move forward. Sorry you have to go through this though!Hugs, YG



Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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