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What should i do?

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Take into account that I've been happily single for a year now, go me. I started school at a new university and I have been enjoying my time with my girl friends and the new people ive met. However, I met this guy and we started really hitting it off. But I broke it off with him after knowing him for only a month because I felt that things had gone too fast for me and that I wasnt exactly ready for something so serious. well, he took it the wrong way I guess, because we stopped talking all together for 2 weeks. When I finally called him to see what was up, he told me he hadnt called because he was giving me my space.

I didnt want to break things off completely, I just wanted to take them slower, and I guess I hadnt been very clear about that at first. however, even after I told him this, things still werent the same. it took me coming to his house and confronting him in person and telling him VERBATUM how I felt. still, even though it seemed that things were better, right after I left things went back to the way they had been. today, I talked to him...

I asked him what he wanted me to do, and he told me that he couldnt tell me that. so, I asked him if he wanted to work on things or if he wanted me to just leave him alone, and he said he wanted to work on things. this makes me feel good because he wants to work on things... but a little scared because he could totally change his mind and believe it's better that he just stay single. throughout our little break...

And now I'm so scared. advice on what I should do and how I should handle this would be much appreciated, thanks!..

Comments (8)

Your question was: What should I do?.

I know you are hurting and scared but I can see this guy's point of view. Once you kill the momentum, things are not quite the same. Think about it. When a guy has said to you that he needed space and distance, it usually meant that the relationship (thru Match.com) was one foot in the grave. I have not done this to a man and no man has ever told me that he wanted to slow things down - however - I have only had 2 serious relationships in my life. The rest were not serious at all - more casual in nature so that statement would not have applied.

Now he is untrusting of your actions and words because things were going so well and poof! you wanted to slow things down. When someone wants to slow things down...it means something is not right somewhere. Maybe it is timing, or person or place...but when things are right you don't want to slow things down because it feels too good. If you are too scared to enter into a relationship (thru Match.com) in a mature fashion, which is what this says to me, then don't date using Match.com with the intention of commitment. There are plenty of guys out there who would love to date using Match.com a woman casually.Yes, your fears are not unsound.

If I were him I wouldn't hear anything in my head but, "okay time to go" and I would feel justified in leaving because I don't need my heart jerked around because someone is scared of getting close...

Comment #1

It's always a risk no matter what the situation when it comes to our hearts. Even though you made mistakes and pulled away from him, nobody should be held hostage. Make sure you treat each other right. If he's treating you well and you're still scared, then the fear is just in your head and if you have to try and move past it or you will carry negative energy around and drive him away that way anyway. Just be optimistic and confident about your qualities...

Comment #2

I don't know about "work on things"...that seems like something you do when you're in a relationship. You guys are just friends at this point, right? Also, he likes you but not as much as before? That would tell me a lot. This guy doesn't want anything complicated with you, from how it sounds. It sounds like things were nice and simple when you were full-on seeing each other, but now you're wanting to put rules on how it goes and he's not feeling the censorship, so he's just kind of over it. I'm guessing you guys will probably go out casually now if anything. Which is what you wanted anyway, right? It was getting serious too fast. I would suggest just trying to have fun with him when you do see him and not get too wrapped up in the theory of it all...

Comment #3

Thanks for the responses guys. I hung out with him last night... and things went really well. it was almost as though things had never changed. the only thing I still notice is that when we arent together, I dont recieve the cute messages and he doesnt seem to try as hard as he was before. so, I guess we aren't JUST friends because we dont act like that when we are together. I still feel though that hes very hesitant about being with me, and I dont really know what to do to reassure him that I really want to be closer with him...

Comment #4

It seems like you want to take back what you said to him about not wanting to get serious so fast. You asked him for space and time, and he gave it to you, and now you don't want it after all and just want things to be how they were. This is probably confusing him...

Comment #5

Over time the cute messages and efforts die down anyway. But if you see it as a sign of things to come then you might want to address it with him. You cant do anything to reassure him that you still want a relationship (thru Match.com) with him than what you probably already have done. He may need to go through a period of reestablishing trust with you and assess whether he still wants to be with you...

Comment #6

Okay, so we talked... and we have decided that we both want to date using Match.com each other and no other people. which I guess is good. but he doesnt want anything too serious. haha, this is such a confusing situation. should I take this as a sign that things probably wont work out, or should I just take things as they come.

The way he put it was that before things were so fast, and now since we have had our little break or whatever, he wants to do things the right way? it sounds good to me, because that way theres always a chance that things will be awesome.thanks so much for the advice!!!..

Comment #7

I would just take things as they come now. There really is no "right" or "wrong" way - what is right for the two of you may not be right for another couple. Each couple establishes their own tempo. If all along he was feeling that he was moving too fast, maybe this break helped him to be bold enough to finally tell you. Or he's just feeding you b.s. so you allow him to slow things down. Only time will tell what his intentions are for you and him...

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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