What precautions are taken by

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My question is: What precautions are taken by

My 2nd question is: Well I am 21 yrs old and  have been dating (online dating with this guy that is now 24 for about 5 years now, and living with him and HIS PARENTS for about 2 years - he asked me to marry him a year ago so we are technically "engaged" but still living with his parents.  Now he is an ONLY SON soooo his parents pay everything for him he has no bills at home on the other hand I have been working since I am 17 and paying bills at my moms house to help her for about the 2 years I have been living with him, I pay my car, my insurance and my credit card bills... He has like 3 cards that he pays for and 2 he has with his mother that SHE paid off...  Supposedly he wants to move out and buy a place this year but I don't see the interest he is not saving money or trying to find a place or anything.  we are working "together" and he says that money is OURS but we don't have any bank account together nor does he give me money - but as he says he pays for lunches and gas... So I don't know what to do?? He is a great guy with a great heart BUT I don't know if I should keep waiting for him to be ready to change, to become responsible and take on some kind of responsibility! I am tired of pushing him!! What should I do? PLEASE HELP!..

Comments (4)

Hi and welcome to the board!!.

Money is a very serious topic.  You hear all the time that money is one of the main topics that couples fight about.  You have to talk to him about this.  And I think you should make it about your feeling over the subject not about his habits.  I'd also tell him that you think it is a really good idea for the two of you to find a place of your own.  I got the impression that he'd like to buy a place.  Talk about how the two of you will handle your money.  Will it be in separate accounts or joint.  Set a buget up and if no joint account, than how will the two of you split bills?  If you can't work these things out, I wouldn't get married..

I hope this helps a little and good luck!!.



Comment #1

Hey Kristie,.

I agree with what you said and i'll take it into consideration - Let's see what happens....

Thanks for the reply!!.


Comment #2


I wanted to be sure of something - you told me not to pay attention to his customs but he is used to not having responsibilities at all at home, you don't think that might be a problem or I should just ignore that? let me know what you think..


Comment #3

No no no.  I'm sorry I wasn't more clear.  Don't ignore how he handles his money or customes.   What I mean is if you approach this as if he is the problem, than he will be defensive and you might not get anywhere.  If you approach this topic as a fear of yours (which is the truth) than he should be more responsive.  I know this sounds mean, but he's a Mama's boy and you  need to know if you can take care of the bills and keep him from spending all of the money.    You  have to set up a budget that you BOTH agree on.  If he doesn't feel he's had enough say on this, than it won't stick for him and you will be rehashing this subject for a long time.  It' okay for you to tell him that since he really hasn't had to do a lot with budgetting an planning for a successful financial future that you are worried.  Ask him how He would like to handle the two of you being out on your own..

I learned this with my ex husband.  If he's not 50% of the plan he won't keep it. .

I hope this clears things up!!!.



Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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