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What kind of experiences have people over 50 had with match.com? I find it to be very shallow and fr

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My first question is: What kind of experiences have people over 50 had with match.com? I find it to be very shallow and fr.

My next question is: Hi there! I'm goign to try to keep this as short as possible. I met a guy on-line and we've been dating (online dating with Match.com) about 2 1/2 months. It hasn't been easy as he has enough baggage to fill a train! I've been really supportive, always lending an ear, advice and words of support. A couple of weeks ago he had some significant events occur with his family, so the distance I had been feeling I've tried to keep to myself, thinking it may be due to this. However, I'm not stupid either and didn't ignore the fact that it may also be his wanting to get out. Anyway, a week ago, I was taking him to dinner, thought we could use a nice night out together.

The rest of the night was ruined no matter how I tried to fix it. The next day was better and he admitted to being a"dickhead" as he put it, but no real apology, but he was espcially helpful. This past Wednesday, he took another comment I said and I got mad, eventhough I tried to explain. He did what he usually does, got mad and said "I'll call youlater." I tried to contact hima few times that day, but he ignored my calls. I heard nothing from him for two days and we never missed a day.

Why do you do that? " At the more resasonable hour of near noon, I sent a question mark as I didn't understandhim. He sent on back. I clarified I didn't understadn his text. He said, I guess I don't either. I clairifed again that I didn't understadn his orginal text and asked what I did.

I had assumed it was over and he didn't have the courtesy to tell me. Now, I feel like I'm waiting all over again for a text or call. I can't imagine any woman putting up with the drama I have put up with in this relationship, not saying I'm perfect. I'll admit to any faults I have and work on them, but that has to be a two way street! Can I just assume I won't be hearing from him since I don't think he liked my response. I think he wanted something more of a groveling for forgivenss thing.  I have more respect for myself at this point than to do that.

I guess I just like it "official," but I'm not going to contact him, as I've been told not to do. Sorry this turned out long...

Comments (15)

Your question was: What kind of experiences have people over 50 had with match.com? I find it to be very shallow and fr.

Sounds to me like he is either playing games or  worst case scenario he is interested in someone else.

Sometimes a guy pulls stunts like this to have an excuse to stop seeing you and then blame it on something that YOU did..

Either way HE AINT WORTH IT>.

Good luck..hope I am wrong............

Comment #1

I have been thinking the same thing. I did ask if there was someone else and he said no. I didn't push for a big conversation about it because I thought there was a SLIGHT chance I was wrong since that week he gave custody of his daughter back to his ex-wife, heard his oldest son threatened to commit suicide, and these just are a culmination of drama that has led up to this. When I said he had baggage, I wasn't kidding. I ugess I'm more hurt by the fact that I can't imagine any other woman standing by a guy and trying to help him with the situations I have so early in a relationship. These were let known to me in the first few weeks! Also, if he was interested in someone else, as I too suspected, why contact me after 2 1/2 days with "I miss talking to you.

I was contacting him. I had already assumed it was over and he was just too much of an ass to come out and say it...

Comment #2

I know it's easier said than done, but don't be sad.  if I had a guy giving me this drama, id drop him.  Also, sorry, but a guy saying he misses you or whatever doesnt mean jack.  some guys like to string girls along bec they know she likes him so much.. it's a boost to the ego.  they keep the girl hanging around until someone better (from their POV) comes along.

Edited 3/9/2008 3:35 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #3

I hear what you're saying and know all about that. However, I didn't put out those vibes at all. Plus, I just ignored him the two days he was stewing. I also didn't respond guilty and oh so sorrowful to his recent text. I just responded that he knew my number if he had somnething to discuss and made no further contact. If anything, I would think his ego should be a little sore. I think I'm giving the vibe that I'm not playing the game so to speak...

Comment #4

Thats good. if I were in the same position, id keep doing what I was doing - which is nothing.  if he didn't call, then id have my answer.  I dont need to do anything else but live my life...

Comment #5

Honey,guys just do this. It is called having his cake and eating it too..

Mainly he could be trying to hold onto you until he is sure about this new flame. Or he just cannot make up his mind. Most likely the former..

My suggestion is get busy with your life. Do some things that you have always wanted to do. LIVE life...make a point to enjoy every ounce of it..

Guys don't generally come right out and say that it is over. The normal course of action is to find some trivial thing that the woman has done and then blame THAT for the relationship (thru Match.com) going south. Or try to make her break it off with him..

What did your first instinct say? Trust your instincts. They rarely lie.

Don't try to rationlize guy  behavior. I don't think they ever get past the age of 5!.

Happy hunting!..

Comment #6

Hello Momma215,I am going through the same thing but I called and told him off. He didn't call for an entire week and after seeing him he gave me some excuse about his divorce that was coming up. We talked every day for a month several times a day and hours. So I haven't call since Tuesday. It has been 2 weeks. There is a post about men pushing back.

It made me reexamine why I was soooooooo into this guy and if he really was the right person for me and after answering some of the questions, I decided that he was not the one. Out of respect for anything that you guys have developed he should atleast contact you to talk about what is going on, or just say lets be friends.I am sorry that you are going through this. I haven't had a call since FEB 25, 08...

Comment #7

Why in the world would you put up with all this baggage and drama?  Good grief.  Be glad that it's "over".  And YOU have the power here as well.  YOU don't like this recent behavior so instead of waiting around for him to tell you it's over, how about YOU pick up the phone and tell him that while you enjoyed being with him, you don't think the two of you are working out and you do not want to see him anymore.  if he doesn't pick up, leave a message.  You don't have to sit around waiting for his call after this unacceptable behavior to apologize, dump you or even berate you for not apologizing to him.  You have a phone and fingers, use them..

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Comment #8

<< It hasn't been easy as he has enough baggage to fill a train! >>.

Enough baggage to fill a train = not available for a healthy relationship..

All the rest of it ... is speculation.    I.e, whether or not he's interested in someone else.   Who cares!   He's not available for a relationship.  He has too much 'baggage' to be able to be loving and giving in order to actively participate in a relationship (thru Match.com) (which takes TWO people ... not just one person ... YOU ... doing all the giving ... and another person ...

Doing all the taking).

If someone walks away from you, and STAYS away ... consider it a blessing.  ..

Comment #9

I appreciate your words. He just called this evening and wants to call back to finish the conversation. I laid it all out for hiim. He tried to explain some of it by the stress in his life and he just added a list of new events. He also claimed there wasn't anybody else. I'm tending to think it may be true because nobody else would put up with this crap! I also did tell him that I have too much self worth and have to much to give someone to put up with this treatment.

I'm also not going to be friends with him so he can just have someone to call up wiht his problems all the time. That is just too emotionally draining! I just can't believe how self absorbed some people can be! Thanks again for your reply...

Comment #10

"that he is constantly getting mad at me, gets spiteful, and doens't reflect on his behavior".

I think your statements about him tell you what you need to do...

Comment #11

Why bother listening?  Just tell him that it's over..

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Comment #12

I basically did just that last night. He still hadn't called back by 10:45. So, I called and just left a message that said "he heard all I had to say and I heard what he said and didn't say. I think I got the message long ago. I think it's just time we went our separate ways. No need to call back.

Take care." I just needed it over. Thanks for all the support!..

Comment #13

Hi Momma215,.

Welcome to the board!!.

Sorry for jumping in late, but I call this type of man emotionally unavailable!!!!  They have too much to juggle to give you what you deserve!!  Some day he might be back on track, but for now all you are getting is heart broken and he is getting all of the emotional support he needs.

I hope you find someone that is truely deserving of you!!!.

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Comment #14

Hi Purenatural1,.

Welcome to the board!!!.

I've been through one of these relationships too.  And all of us seem to be with these guys that have unfinished business!!  I called mine a beautiful disater after the Kelly Clarkston song .  I'm glad not to have him in my life.  It should have been an easy decision from the beginning, but I had on those rose colored glasses.  He broke them for me and boy did I see the light!!.

Glad to have you posting with us!.

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Comment #15


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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