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What is wrong (if anything) with the match.com website?

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My first question is: What is wrong (if anything) with the match.com website?.

My next question is:   My ex and I broke up on ThanksGiving and I know it's been a while but it's so hard for me to move on.   I just keep replaying in my head when he told me that he can't see being serious with me.  We dated for 3 months and I know thats not a long time but he knew I was getting close to him.  I just don't get why he waited 3 months to tell me anything and not even saying anything about it when.  I would ask him what was wrong my gutt feeling was telling me the 2nd month in the relationship (thru Match.com) that something wasn't right.  I could feel him backing away but he wouldn't fess up.  Then on ThanksGiving night he told me on the computer that he can't see getting serious with me and I asked him why didn't you say anything to me when I asked you on the phone or all the other times I would ask you.  He told me he didn't want to hurt me.  Like strining me along didn't hurt.  We would see eachother almost everyday and every sat.  We tried to be friends after the break up we didn't want to loose the friendship. ( And I though I could remain his friend cause I'm good friends with 2 of my ex's.  I think cause with them we were friends first and when it didn't workout,it was normal to go back to being friends.)   But with him things moved forward real fast,and I think thats where things went wrong. .

  He was different from others I have dated in a good way,I think thats why it's so hard for me to move on.  And I know I have no choice but to look to the future without him in it.  Especially since he went back to his ex,I wanted to vomit when he told me this.  I just got finished writing him telling him I can't be his friend.  It would be too hard on me,that I need to leave everything in the past and move on like he did.   The thing is I feel bad for doing this but I know this is the only way I can move on.  And Find someone that actually wants to be with me and not settle for me,thats what I feel like he did.  He settled until he found someone better instead of being honest.  I have alot to look forward to,I'm going back to school at the age of 32 to persue my career in PTA,and I'm excited about that.  So alteast I will have that to keep me busy and excited.  Who needs a man right lol.   Thanks for listening,I needed to vent for a bit..

 .

Jamie..

Comments (5)

Your question was: What is wrong (if anything) with the match.com website?.

"He settled until he found someone better instead of being honest. ".

I think that many people date using Match.com indiscriminantly because no one really likes being alone - but it may not be a case of *settling*.  I wouldnt like feeling like I was someone who a guy *settled* for because there was no one else available.  But I also believe it took a while to summon the courage to tell you - that is why it took an extra month.  It sounds like your instincts were working fine because you picked up on something being wrong pretty quickly.  Try not to carry that emotion with you - the feeling that he settled for you until he found someone better - because I'm sure that wasnt the case..

I wouldnt say that because things moved fast is why it ended this way because there are lots of success stories out there where things moved at a fast pace.  But, maybe you discovered YOUR pace and if you find that dating (online dating with Match.com) style comfortable for you, then stick to it. .

The key for the next time is to uncover how long it has been between girlfriends  and feel out if he is over her.  Even if you ask for the truth sometimes you dont get it so dont be discouraged if you do ask and then the same thing happens again (going back to the ex)..

People can get pretty close in 3 months so it is understandable that you are hurting right now.  School will keep you busy and once you heal that wound I'm sure you'll start to notice all the cute guys in class...

Comment #1

Awww Jamie~.

Sorry to hear you are still hurting from this.  This guy sounds a bit bouncy.  I will echo what the others have said though.  Also, at least he was big enough to be honest, though I know it was difficult to hear sweetheart..

 .

HUGS to you..

 .

L..

Comment #2

Hi Jamie,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I'm sorry that you are hurting.  Don't be hard on yourself for taking some time to get over this guy.  It's different for each of us with each guy..

I took a couple of years to truly get over my long time college bf, but it only took less than a year for me to get over my ex husband.  Please don't take this the wrong way.  I realize now that I knew our break up was coming and I had been alone for almost a year not long before my ex husband left me.  He was working out of the country..

One of the things that helped me the most was staying really busy doing the things I love.  I had given up one of my biggest passions while I was married (downhill skiing), so I hawked my wedding ring and bought new skis.  I also do my crafts a lot more and I've been remodeling the condo I bought since our split up..

Find those special things that make you feel fantastic and give them a go.  I'm also very happy for you that you are able to go back to school.

Good Luck,.

Kristie.

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           ..

Comment #3

Just FYI, your post came to my email instead of the original poster's email...

Comment #4

Jamie,.

I'm so sorry to hear you're hurting...  We've all been there and hopefully talking about it will help.  One thing I have learned from the wise women on here, my friends, and my own experience is that it takes all different amounts of time to move on.  It took a good couple of years and a lot of casual dating (online dating with Match.com) to get over my ex of about a year.  He waited 2 1/2 years before dating (online dating with Match.com) anyone else.  Don't belittle your 3 months with your ex...when you feel a connection, a few months can seem like a long time..

I actually asked a similar question this week...how long does it take to get over someone?  I don't think there is a right answer.  Do what you need to do to heal, and surround yourself with friends and things that make you happy.  While I don't regret that my ex and I are still in contact, I realize now that it really slowed down the healing process for me....

I wish you the best!..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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