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What is wrong here???

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Ok. I will be 29 on Thursday, and I am single. not for lack of trying. ok, that's not totally true. I have joined a dating (online dating with Match.com) website, but so far, the guys are not good. I asked a male friend of mine about a friend of his , and was told the guy's not interested (even though he flirted with me mercilessly at a party several weeks ago...whatever).

Now, I want to meet a nice guy, and and am having no luck. it's really frustrating. I don't know what else to do. am trying to stay upbeat, and tell myself that I will find someone, but I can't help being discouraged...

Comments (6)

Your question was: What is wrong here???.

I think anything anyone will say won't really be too comforting because the fact is, it will just happen for you when it does, you know? Like when it's meant to. Like I just met my boyfriend totally random, totally unexpected at a city monument! Sorry, I know we're online, but I'm not a big fan of online dating (online dating with Match.com) stuff. I really believe that the best BEST way is in person. Yah, do the online dating (online dating with Match.com) thing but also just get out there and do stuff - but not necessarily to find someone or whatever, just to have fun on your own! Go out dancing because you enjoy doing it, not to meet someone... go to the museum, sight-seeing, etc for *you* and then just be open to meeting new people, be friendly, talk to whomever. Basically, what I'm saying is just live your life.

You won't have to work to find it yourself. People are attracted to people with full lives and who are confident on their own. The best way to project that is by living that way...

Comment #1

I agree with halle and her suggestions on how to reactivate your social life. Don't rely solely on the dating (online dating with Match.com) site and try to mix things up a bit in your life by introducing yourself to new people or new places or new situations where you will meet new people just by going there or attending an event. The trick is not to get into a rut. Also, I have hung out with women on a mission to meet "the guy" and those women scared off every guy around us. If you go out, just do it to have fun, like halle said. One night many years ago I got together with a friend and we were definitely not dressed to go out dancing but we ended up at a club and had a great time and even afterwards when we went out to get something to eat late, we ended up meeting a table of guys (they sent over a note with the waitress to see if we would be okay if they came over to our table) and we talked into the wee hours of the morning with them.

Or Ms. Right that night, but we had such a good time, that it didn't matter...

Comment #2

You need to start networking and stop looking. It will find you. Start going out and having some fun with the girls and before you know it, guys will start coming up to you. I think we send off some type of "desperate signal" when we are looking. There is a certain look a woman has when she is yearning so badly for a man and I think they can pick up on it. I have noticed that women who go out to sportsbars, games, etc.

Why? Because they look like they are a lot of fun and not sending out those "looking for a man" signals. Go out and enjoy your day or night with the girls with no expectations and just when you forget that men even exist in this world, you will start getting approached. Also, talk to one of your "true friends" or a close family member about your appearance. Maybe you can loosen up in some areas, or can throw on a different color lipstick or something or even change up your hairstyle. Just something that will add more uniqueness and flavor to your style..

Comment #3

Okay, Well another person did state that no matter what anyone says it wont comfert you.In a way it's true. It will comfert you when your ready to believe it all .. I'm not the biggest fan of online dating, but then again my sister meet her husband on it.It takes time. Of course your going to be discouraged because you are expect to magically find someone and fall in love with them. I am only 14 years old.. You can believe me or not, but it's going to take some time.

Take your time, and I am sure everything will be okay...

Comment #4

Lots of good suggestions in this thread already.And it's ok to send off "I'm available & interested in men" signals, or even "I'm interested in YOU" signals, or even "hi, my name's xxx, what's yours?". You don't want to send off "I'm desperate and open for players to jerk me around" signals.How do you avoid desperation signals? Don't BE desperate. Find ways to be happy with yourself, in yourself, for yourself, by yourself or with friends/family, and realize that ultimately only you can make yourself happy, and you can do that even if you're alone. And you know what, a confident, happy, living, fun-loving woman is quite attractive.And if you never find anyone, at least you've made yourself happier, and found that you can be happy even alone.But, likely, someday you will find someone. Just keep living right..

Edited 6/19/2007 2:28 pm ET by jay_d2..

Comment #5

Online dating (online dating with Match.com) is good to keep yourself busy, but I tried it years ago after my divorce and it was actually a mix between depressing and humorous. (I keep telling people to watch Must Love Dogs. That stuff really happens!). Online dating (online dating with Match.com) is ok because you get used to going on "first" dates, but beware of the guys who have been on there a long time. I've heard them referred to as "lifers", lol. You can search on match.com and sort by newest members.

They've been around and if haven't found anyone on line after a year and are still there, they're just playing. There are some guys that are still on there three years later with same lame profile! And anyone who has to tell you they are Honest and Caring, probably aren't. Just some first hand experience.I agree to mix it up, do your own thing, attend events you are interested. Ever go to a movie by yourself? I was scared the first time I did it, but I do now sometimes and it helps to be "OK" with being alone. I even went out to dinner alone...once!Good luck and be safe.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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