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My 2nd question is: Hia guy friend visited from out of state and I went out of my way to show him the city, drive him around, I even took him to NOLA, an hour away, and showed him all that one shud see on a visit. That evening he started holding hands, caressing my hands, showering compliments and kisses to point where they were almost boring. But he was sweet and well completely surprising, I did not get a previous vibe of him liking me, but he expressed it multiple times. And even invited me to his place for thanksgiving saying he'd be alone. But the next day it was as if it was all a total dream. He did not acknowledge any part of our interaction from the previous night, but was fully aware of everything else.

I had to visit MO for work so I informed him I'll be in the neighborhood and I haven't gotten a single reply, nothin to say I'm going to be busy or out of town etc. Atleast telling me he cannot meet up is better than ignoring me. I am mature enough to understand that. Is there an explanation for his behavior?..

Comments (3)

It's possible, if you texted him that last message, the he never even got it.  TEXT IS NOT REAL COMMUNICATION!!!.

I think I'm going to be repeating that on this board often '-).

As far as the apparent "switch on and off"  the thing is, that most men tend to pull away immediately after getting all lovey-dovey with someone, and that has NOTHING to do with you and usually has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that most men don't deal easily with sentimental feelings, and definitely aren't used to them the way most women are, it puts them in an awkward state which they aren't always comfortable with and don't necessarily relish the way us chicks are prone to do.  Not to say they don't enjoy the feelings, they just don't emotionally roll around in them.

The pulling away, whether it's after a mushy ending to a phone conversation, a heavy makeout session, an expression of affection, and to a great extent after sex, is most times just a guy reasserting to himself, of all people, his "manhood," "independence," and "machismo," and getting himself centered again.  Unfortunately, a whole lot of women flip out when this happens because they just want to get closer and don't understand this very real part of many many men. .

So, you told him you'll be in the area.  If you did it by text, I suggest you actually call and leave a message, at least, and then leave it at that and let him respond to you if he's going to.  That's much more reliable than "Can you hear me now?".

Now, if he pulls away and stays away, then you know what was really up, but give it a little bit and if he comes right back around, now you know why, but don't go assuming things and don't let anyone lead you down that path, it's counterproductive..

Good luck,.

 CL-Breaking Up Is Hard to DoCL-Understanding MenCL-Ask the dating (online dating with DoyenneRead This First:  How to Get Over Your BreakupWe waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.  Tom Robbins..

Comment #1

Thanks for the reply Sandra!You might be right about the guy macho complex. But what confuses me is the pretense; I need to back up and update you a little bit.He finally did respond when I was in town, picked me up to hang out. But I somehow feel like he's just the guy that can't simply be just friends with the opposite sex, and since I do know guys that are just friends, It confused me when he was lukewarm and indecisive. Which reflected on his deciding which text/email/phone call to reply when to reply or to completely ignore. I feel like I should forget him and just not bother to understand him. A guy sure of himself and what he wants is "in my opinion" usually easier to read their wants and desires whether friends, friends with benefits, one-night stand or relationship.

May not be what you want, but they are clear about their interests. This guy doesn't seem like he knows. Plus he came out as irresponsible, hence not pursuing any manner of interaction with him.But thank you so much for your reply!. I will in the future limit to more personal means of communication, when possible...

Comment #2

Perhaps he is shy, afraid you don't reciprocate? He is acting in an immature fashion. I think you should say, uh, I'm confused what's going on. Are you interested in developing a relationship (thru with me or do you just want to stay friends?".


Comment #3

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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