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My first question is: What is the best design company that can design web sites like match.com?.

My next question is: Hello , I really enjoyed the replies from every one. However I did not write enough about what I am really trying to accomplish. I am 26 and in my mind avg looking. ( if you wish I can send you a pict so you can judge for your self ).  I am open to any and all comments and suggestions. I have dated the same girl for the last seven years and we broke up five months ago. I was the one who was dumped so the self esteem has been in the crapper.

I am not looking to fall in love and get married just yet unless I meet THE ONE. I am not rich but I have reached all the goals that I have set for myself like , graduating from college , landing the job I wanted and buying a house. I am very smart with my money and I am the kind of guy who stops and helps people with car trouble and flat tires. So I am a " Nice guy ". I am looking to figure out how to be sucessful with women.

I dont drink or smoke but I love singing karioke and going skydiving. I need some advice from attractive women on how to attract them. What is the key , looks , money , confidence or is it something else ? I am looking for an attractive woman but also one who is smart and funny. Can any of you help me out. Thanks..

Comments (16)

Your question was: What is the best design company that can design web sites like match.com?.

They key is *confidence*, *assertiveness*, and then just being yourself - sharing all these things you shared with us like your interests and so on.  Plus good manners.  Have good manners!.

Also, take the time to think about what you're looking for in a female you want to spend time with.  You have to know what you want from the relationship, and know how you want to be treated.  When you know what you want, then you can move forward with more of that confidence and assertiveness that is attractive to everyone.

Edited 1/21/2009 12:17 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #1

@jp78girly "You sound like a nice guy though so good luck."brknhrtdfool, this is a wake up call to change your act.When a girl tells you you're a nice guy, you're doomed! Believe me, I know.Here's a great website that helped me out when I was struggling with girls. (http://manhood101.com/) There are a lot of great articles about how to build up your own personal confidence and value, raising your standards, expressing your wants and desires in a relationship (thru Match.com) and how to control a conversation or social interaction. Pay extra attention towards the last few chapters on "Value Creation" and "Frame Control."There's a section in the forums called "Missions" and "Homework" with a lot of great advice to help you get over any fear any anxiety over approaching women..

Edited 1/21/2009 1:00 pm ET by cp85..

Comment #2

I am not trying to get a date using Match.com off here but I am trying to give as much detail as possible for the best feed back. I dont want to post my pict but would like to get some input from some of you who would be so inclined. Thanks brkn..

Comment #3

>>When a girl tells you you're a nice guy, you're doomed!<<.

LOL I'm hoping you meant this as a joke. Otherwise, where do you come up with this stuff? My SO is THE NICEST guy I know and that is his most attractive quality. I hate jerks. Stop putting all women into the shallow category..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #4

Sorry to get the wrong impression. What feed back do you need with your picture? Do you want to know if we think you are attractive? I think you should trust in yourself a little and not let others opinions of you be so important. But if you need feedback put your photo up...

Comment #5

I would give you your feedback if you havent been able to get any but I wouldnt take it to heart too much...

Comment #6

 I took your advice and added a photo. I dont really know what kind of feed back that I am looking for I just think that I seem dull in a way...

Comment #7

Hmm I dont see one. Id have to say your biggest problum would be that you are invisable...

Comment #8

Why didn't you say all that in the first place?  Rather than lead the posters here down a stray path only to 'recant' and say "well, this is what I'm really looking to accomplish.".

Advice on how to succeed with women?  .

Be upfront about who you are and what you want.   Be honest. ..

Comment #9

You're looking for an attractive, smart and funny woman. I'm assuming when you say 'attractive' you mean 'gorgeous facially and with a great slim body'? Well, beautiful slim smart and funny women tend to want handsome tall smart  confident successful and funny men.

Ehm... are you rich? famous? both? It would help. There are women out there to whom money and possessions are a priority over looks, chemistry, feelings etc etc etc. Some will say 'be confident and assertive' and for SOME women these things alone do work; not for me though. No amount of confidence and assertiveness  (or money for that matter) will get a man anywhere with me if I don't fancy him, i.e if he is not my physical type, face and body..

Edited 1/22/2009 6:57 am ET by newlyfoundsunshine.

Edited 1/22/2009 7:10 am ET by newlyfoundsunshine..

Comment #10

Be real, not fake - and women love guys who are gentle and who empathetic and - very important, who have a good sense of humor.

,..

Comment #11

Its def the whole package.  Plus outside of any of that - looks, personality and so on - there has to be that connection.  He/she could be amazing, hot, rich, funny etc etc but if there's nothing there, there just isnt.  It's just tough to find a true match, period...

Comment #12

 I didn't get a chance to read anyone elses response, so forgive me if I repeat something. .

 I've gotta bust your balls for a minute for the things you wrote. So act as if you and I have known each other since 3rd grade, and take this with a grain of salt. In your post you sound JUST LIKE A GIRL. You said things like "THE ONE," "I'm shy but once you get to know me I am the life of the party,"   Dude... I can't help but to point this out. I'm a man myself and could not believe you wrote that. Well I can, it's just that it's painful to see another guy write that..

 Listen bro, chicks don't dig guys that talk like that. At least, NOT the kinds of women you're wanting to attract. If you talk and ACT the way you write, you will become JUST FRIENDS with the women you desire. .

 I know you want advice from women on how to 'attract' women, and although I'm sure they give you their perspective, it's been my experience that unless these women are dating (online dating with Match.com) women, they don't have any idea HOW to attract women.

 I've studied women and how to "pick them up" for over 4 yrs. now, and women are the WORST at giving advice on how to pick other women. I'm sure some women will try and slam me for saying that and that's a "typical" and expected response, so... no biggie.

 You mentioned you're smart and so I'm going to assume you really are. So I'm going to try and relate getting advice from women about how to 'attract' women with how to be successful with money or any other thing in life. I'm sure you realize that the BEST people to learn from about money are RICH people. You don't get financial advice from poor people right? It's the same with dating (online dating with Match.com) advice ABOUT women from women. Women DO NOT date using Match.com women, so they really don't know HOW to attract women. Make sense?.

 There are TONS of people teaching the "fundamentals" of HOW to attract women, and I'm sure there are people right around you that are more than willing to help you. These guys I'm talking about can get just about ANY woman they want at any given time of the day. It's just like learning algebra. Once you learn the "formulas" that work, getting women is EASY.

If there's one FUNDAMENTAL thing that is taught, it's that the "nice guy" NEVER gets the women he TRULY desires. I'm sure there are exceptions, but it's rare. You don't have to become a dick to get women either, it's just that what you've been doing DOES NOT WORK. You're being TOO nice. I'm sure you're kissing women's asses for having breasts and a vagina and they DO NOT like that. At least NOT from a man she wants to get intimate with..

 If you REALLY want to get good with women, there are some 'basics' you need to learn. If you're open for of the things I've learned and USE successfully, I'd be willing to share. But... you have to be willing to move out of your comfort zone and start THINKING differently..

 It's up to you. Women are NOT complicated. Once you learn HOW they think, and how to "trigger" their attraction mechanisms, it's so simple that it would BLOW YOUR MIND. And... it's COMPLETELY non-manipulative, mean, or anything negative. The women I'm around LOVE being around me.

I don't BS them, I don't tolerate their BS and they LOVE that about me. I'm definitely NOT a dick either. Quite the opposite in fact. So... it's on you now..

Comment #13

Ok man you have got me pegged. I grew up with alot of female influences in my life and I have always been the good boy or the nice guy. I am the one who the girls mom wants her to be with. How do I break out of this with out going over board. I really am a nice guy and I am fine with that however, I would like to step out of my comfort zone and find out what I am made of. I do have one question for you.

Thanks..

Comment #14

<< If you are so sucessful with women then why are you on here ? >>.

Sorry, I know I'm not ekatie23 ... but, this question makes no sense.  This is a message board for dating (online dating with Match.com) advice.   It's not an online dating (online dating with Match.com) site!   Anyone can be here to share their experiences, tips, advice or woes.  I'd venture to say there are as many marrieds and "in relationship" people here as there are singles.  .

<< I grew up with alot of female influences in my life and I have always been the good boy or the nice guy. >>.

Yes, we have a generation of men who were largely raised by single moms without male influences.

I'm a 38-y/o woman who 100% agrees with our previous poster's advice to you.   Especially the part about not taking women's crap.  Too many "nice guys" take it ... and thus, you don't have their respect if you take their crap.   My BF and I have a very good relationship (thru Match.com) in that neither one of us take it from each other.  He puts me in my place if I'm being a you-know-what and likewise.  It's mutual.  The best relationships are mutually beneficial, equality-based with shared respect and admiration.   .

Which means ... you DO NOT put her on a pedestal.  Don't go for the women who want to be treated like a princess or a queen.    Because guess what?  She's not!   She's a person.  The wanna-be-princess type generally has a lot of expectations and will want and want and want more.  You deserve as much respect and admiration for who you are as she does.   So, don't worship a girl and by all means, don't desire a woman who wants that "I'm better than you" crap.   Just treat her like an equal. .

Unfortunately, it's usually the 'nice guy' who does the princess worshipping and goes overboard with hearts and flowers.   Don't.   Just BE. ..

Comment #15

 It's so surprising to me that the dating (online dating with Match.com) Doyenne gives the advice she does. Telling someone to "be real" is about as effective as telling someone to "act" cool. If I'm not "cool" then how do I KNOW how to "act" cool. The same with being "real." If I'm not sure what "BEING" real is, how do I BE real when I have no idea how to do so? I don't get this kind of advice, but... it is what it is..

 I don't want you to get me wrong, being "nice" is a GREAT quality, AS LONG AS, it's BALANCED. You seem to be on the extreme of nice, which isn't hopeless. I was there too at one point in my life and had to "balance" being nice with BEING assertive and not taking anyone's BS..

 I'll have to continue this in a few moments. It's time to EAT!.

 Okay, so the talapia was great, I have a full belly and I'm ready to resume.

 You asked how to step outside of your comfort zone WITHOUT going overboard. The first thing that I thought of was to STOP kissing people's ass to get their approval. Women HATE ass kissers! One of the things I started to do when I was learning this process was when I was around women and they told a story or whatever, I'd call their bluff and saying something like, "no you didn't. You're making things up to try and impress me." Now while I said this I wasn't being a jerk. It's like one of your buddies telling you some far out story and you say, "you're KIDDING me!? That didn't happen?" So it's a playful yet assertive way to call someone's bluff or just to show that you're not gullible. It's simple.

I learned to QUESTION people about their motives..

 The BEST way you'll learn how to get good with women, is to LEARN from men and BE AROUND guys that are great with women. I'm not talking about guys that use women to get laid for validation. I DO NOT condone using women as "masturbatory tools" for personal gratification. I'm talking about the guys that women love to be around and guys that LOVE and admire women. I know I'm a part of a "community" of guys that teach one another how to do exactly that. They teach guys HOW to be men that are irresistible to women.

Again, it's a "community" specifically for teaching guys how to be great with women. It's a LOT of fun and there are TONS of great guys to learn from. This is one way I learn and one way I teach other guys.

 The word to "Google" would be Pick Up Artists. Women may think this is a "sleazy" word, but when they meet these PU Artists they won't think that..

 If you're willing, tell me here or send me a PM with the name of your city/state and I'll find the link for you if you're not quite sure where to look. I'm telling you, it's the BEST way to learn. I PROMISE you that you will learn a lot faster from those guys than any woman or guy here.

Edited 1/22/2009 10:24 pm ET by ekatie23..

Comment #16


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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