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What is the best dating site? Yahoo, Match.com, Eharmony, or any others i don't know about??

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My first question is: What is the best dating site? Yahoo, Match.com, Eharmony, or any others I don't know about??.

My next question is: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for over six months now. We see each other two to three times a week including a weekend day together. We grow closer to each other everyday and it's all progressing wonderfully. One issue we encounter is that he gets off work earlier than I do and sometimes he's sitting in his car outside my apartment waiting for me to get home. I've thought about giving him a key to my place but I'm worrying that it's too early in the relationship. Any advice on how to bring this up for discussion or would it be better to surprise him with a key? Would it be fair of me to ask for a key to his place as well?..

Comments (20)

Your question was: What is the best dating site? Yahoo, Match.com, Eharmony, or any others I don't know about??.

Why does he need to give you his key?  Do you stay at his place alot?  Are you also always having to wait for him outside his apartment? .

Personally, it's lame and clingy to me to ask for it.  I'd want my guy to give it to me just out of his own idea or desire..

I'd make sure I trusted the guy enough to give him a key to my apartment, plus that he's really waiting a while.  If he's only waiting like 5 minutes for me to get home, it might be weird to give him a key. .

 ..

Comment #1

I wouldn't give him a key if you have only been dating (online dating with Match.com) for six months and I certainly wouldn't ask for his either.  I agree with blairbear that it should be his idea to give you his key and vice versa.  As a matter of fact, I wouldn't give a key until he decides he wants to give you one. ..

Comment #2

I think you're looking at the symbolism of "giving him the keys to the apartment" too deeply.When I lived in my own apartment for two years, my boyfriend (who I've been with for almost four now) never had a key to my place. I didn't give it to him because HE DIDN'T LIVE THERE.Unless he is living with you there is no reason he needs a key. He can wait for you for a couple minutes in his car, it's not a big deal...

Comment #3

I agree with the other posters - too soon to be swapping keys and I get the impression that this would mean 'something' more to you than just sheer convenience.Unless he is complaining about waiting for you, then there is nothing to discuss. And even if he IS complaining about that - he has the means to go do something else until you get home. It is his choice to sit in his car and wait. He's an adult and knows he has choices to do other things so allow him to do what he wants to do. If he gets tired of that, then he will say so and you can address it then..

Toni..

Comment #4

How long does he usually have to wait outside?.

In this type of situation I am not sure it is the amount of time you have been dating (online dating with Match.com) that counts - but the type of relationship (thru Match.com) you have. There is *dating* for 6 months and then there is dating (online dating with Match.com) for 6 months. ..

Comment #5

He gets out of work an hour before I do but he drives and I take public transportation so it takes me longer to get home from work. He's typically waiting about a half-hour or so for me to get home (I actually didn't know about this until he told me about a month ago.) He also has to get up earlier than I do and the locks on my apartment are deadbolts that need keys on both sides so I always have to get up to let him out and lock the door behind him. The locks at his place are similar and he also has to come down two flights of stairs to let me in from the foyer.  .

At this point we are very close. We spend equal time at his place and mine. We grocery shop and cook together. We know each other's friends and some family members. He's even let me borrow his car to take my cat to the vet without me even asking.

The main reason this is on my mind is the other night during a conversation he asked me about whether I had an emergency set of keys and I said no and he said that I should because he worries about my safety. I've been wondering if this was a hint that he wants to be my "emergency key person"...

Comment #6

Sorry I don't think a guy you've been dating (online dating with Match.com) six months is a good In Case Of Emergency person. Give them to a long-term friend or family member. I'm not trying to insult your relationship (thru Match.com) but I've seen too many episodes of Judge Judy to think that it's THE BEST idea to give these keys to him. Again I'm sure you have a great relationship (thru Match.com) but it's still a very short one...

Comment #7

ITA with the other poster.  I'm sure there are people in your life you've known longer and are better candidates to be your emergency key person..

What I'm hearing is you coming up with all these justifications to give him your keys when really your reasons are more symbolic rather than practical in nature.  You can give him some other thing/present aside from your keys if you want to symbolize or express how you feel about him. ..

Comment #8

So I am going to be different here then the rest. Try to understand I dont follow dating (online dating with Match.com) rules, ( EXP...wait 3 days after a date using Match.com and send a hi how are you) I dont go with the flow I kinda go with my own flow....I would for me give him a key. Now for me I would look at it as....here hun have a key so you dont have to wait in your car type thing. Now if he abuses that key in anyway and starts going into you place with out permission type stuff...then I change the locks and say buh bye to BF.

But also look at how long he is waiting...15 minutes...no key 30 or more yeah a key. And if he is complaing about getting a key and waiting I would wonder why  and then it would be no key..

Edited 1/4/2009 10:56 pm ET by bitemex5..

Comment #9

Ha! I think we are both a little too sensible to end up on Judge Judy but I appreciate you looking out for me..

I have to disagree with the assumption from blairbear89 that there is a symbolic reason for all of this or that I'm trying to justify anything. I'm just trying to layout more information to give an idea of what my relationship (thru Match.com) is at this point. Since there is little information on the protocol of when two people should exchange keys I was just looking for a little insight..

Since everyone has said no my next question is when is it appropriate for two people in a relationship (thru Match.com) to exchange keys?.

***Anyone who thinks two people in a relationship (thru Match.com) should never exchange keys should probably not answer my question as I believe it is an appropriate step before moving in together.***..

Comment #10

I interpreted it as largely symbolic because you implied you might want his key as well.  If it's for mainly practical reasons (e.g. he is waiting long, for emergency), then his apartment key really has nothing to do with yours..

First, as another poster pointed out, people dating (online dating with Match.com) never have to exchange keys at all because they do not live there.  In any case, if a couple wants to exchange or one person wants to give it, of course it is appropriate when you feel it is, when you fully trust the person and so on.  I think most are just looking out for you and erring on the side of caution, that's all.

Blair.

 .

Edited 1/4/2009 11:33 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #11

GIVE HIM THE KEY!!!! I told you if hes waiting for a long time 30+ minutes or so give him the key. Waitig id=s just not fun. As far as when to actually do it/when it propre...when you trust he isnt a crazy guy. That is as you have said sound like it is well astablished...

Comment #12

When they live together, or when one has a significant amount of their property at the other person's place.... I'm inclined to still say "When they live together" though..

Comment #13

At the end of the day, only *you* can know if it feels right to give the guy the key or not. But if you ask what others think, they will tell you. Posters can only respond based on what you've told them, you see. IMO, 6 months is not a lot of time to know someone so I can see why the others are telling you to err on the side of caution. But, it's totally up to you to decide..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #14

I have never given a guy a key to my house so I dont know if I can help you.  I think in your case if the two of you are serious about each other - have talked marriage or cohabitation - then maybe that is the right time. .

Question - how far away is his job from yours?  Would it be better for him to pick you up from work?.

Even when I was dating (online dating with Match.com) my second exhusband and we were engaged...he did not have the keys to my apt.  Neither one of us thought to give the other a set of keys.  I have given friends a set of keys..should I get locked out..

The only thing I'll caution you about is that in the last 7 years people got a hold of keys I left at other's houses (to rescue my cat in the event of an emergency) and unfortunately my ex got the keys and vandalized my house - in a way that wasnt apparent immediately - like things just falling apart or getting discolored,etc. - he had help to make it look that way..

So...be careful.  Make sure this guy is honest and decent and wouldnt hurt you, your cat or belongings or property (even if he got angry or you break up with him)  before you give him keys...

Comment #15

>>Make sure this guy is honest and decent and wouldnt hurt you, your cat or belongings or property (even if he got angry or you break up with him)  before you give him keys.<<.

I agree. And this takes me back to what I was saying about the 6 months. I might be in the minority here, but I don't think that's long enough to know if someone fits that description...

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #16

I agree...who knows if 6 months is enough time to know someone the way that dating (online dating with Match.com) can go - like seeing each other once a week?  You dont really get to see someone's true nature sometimes for years...

Comment #17

My ex gave me a key to his apartment about a month into our relationship.  I didn't hint, had no need for one really, but he wanted me to have one..

We were married for 10 years.  Didn't work out but that's another story..

Another ex, gave me a key but only to the top half of the lock - so I couldn't enter the place if he wasn't there (never understood that but there you go).  When we split, he made one of his complaints was that I never gave him a key - he never came round to mine so what was the point? .

People can be funny..

I say, do what you feel is right..

Perhaps you can say to him that you feel badly that he is sitting outside waiting for you and your thinking about giving him a key, what does he think?.

If you trust him, I see no issue..

 ..

Comment #18

Oh for Pete's Sake! This is a bit silly, IMO..

Do you trust him?  If so, give him a key.  Simple as that. Don't make any big deal out of it just say "here's a key so you can let yourself in.  I feel bad that you're waiting in the car."   And that's it.  .

There doesn't have to be any meaning assigned to it.   But, I'm sure the guy would appreciate being able to come in and wait, turn on the TV, maybe go to the bathroom if he needs to.  I mean, 1/2-hour isn't just a few minutes.   So, why not make it a little more comfortable for him.  .

This really isn't a big deal unless you're attaching some sort of meaning to it.  .

As for exchanging keys, if you're rarely at his place then... there's no need to have a key.   But, if he's at yours everyday then... why not offer him a key so he can wait for you comfortably?    ..

Comment #19

You can stress that the reason you're offering the key is for convenience so that he doesn't have to sit in his car waiting for you,  in other words that it's a practical arrangment and you're trying to be considerate.  You're not asking for a key in return can stress that fact. Hopefully he'll be appreciative and things can move on from there.

,..

Comment #20


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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