Welcome to the board!!.
I think it's okay to keep up with the firendship. Just don't wait around for him. Be out there seeing other people!! THis is a little bit of a weird situation. This other girl is supposed to be someone else too, but he's still seeing her too? Not sure I get this, so I can see why you are confussed..
You need to find out what happened with the GF and if he is currently dating (online dating with Match.com) anyone else. You also need to find out if he has other female "friends" with whom he has these long discussions late at night or spend sas much time with as he does with you..
If he is not seeing anyone else then you'll have to decide if you want to take it further. I'm surprised he hasn't made a move with you yet, like kissing you, because he seemed pretty determined to get your phone number..
As far as I know, he only sees this one girl. He has made several moves on me, including kissing, and has made it very obvious he is attracted to me. He tells me very often how glad he is I'm his friend. I would love to take it further but he is taking it very slow. After seeing him this weekend and even after he has been calling every day, he hasn't made plans to see me again yet...
He sure is taking things slow, isnt he? .
It seems as though he has you snuggly fit into the "friend" category for now because if he wanted to date using Match.com you he'd make that obvious by now with some sort of gesture or expression of interest on that level. If you want him to know that you are interested in dating (online dating with Match.com) him then you'd have to express it. Something like, "I know you enjoy being friends, but I have plenty of friends. I could see the two of us dating (online dating with Match.com) each other because we are attracted to each other and enjoy each other's company, but I need to know if you would be interested in me that way.".
If you dont say or do anything then youare at his mercy and he may like things the way they are for whatever reason he has...
<< He told me that he was seeing someone and had been for a while but that they would never get married for a myriad of reasons. >>.
Was or IS seeing someone? I'm confused ... because in another post it sounded like he was still seeing her. .
If so, he's mincing words ... 'seeing someone' is code for 'girlfriend' ... particularly if it's been "for a while"..
Does he always call you or do you call him? ..
Yeah, to me it sounds like he doesn't quite want to say girlfriend (though that is what she is). He always calls me. I don't call him unless he asks me to return his call...
<< Yeah, to me it sounds like he doesn't quite want to say girlfriend (though that is what she is).
He always calls me. I don't call him unless he asks me to return his call. >>.
Yah, hate to say what your 'hunch' is already telling you but ... he has a girlfriend. .
And, he may have one foot out the door of the relationship (thru Match.com) ... but, just because he says he knows he isn't going to marry her ... doesn't mean he should not FIRST end it with her before showing interest as he is showing in you ... calling multiple times per day and taking you out for dinner ... stealing a kiss or two ... hmmm, as I have learned first hand from an experience like this in my past (I think every gal has had this type of experience at some point in her dating (online dating with Match.com) life ...
But, once I was ... I ended it promptly) ... a good guy will end a relationship (thru Match.com) before even remotely starting a new one. He's just too much of a putz to end it ... but enjoys your company so he can (as much as I hate the saying, because it's so cliche) "have his cake and eat it, too.".
If you aren't calling him, he's only calling you (or you just do the 'call back' thing) ... that's another sign that she's still in the picture. He doesn't want you to have 'access' because you might call him when she's around.
And just because his friends say that this other girl has a new boyfriend means NOTHING ... he could just be telling them to say that to throw you off ... the only thing you should be putting any credit into is what he says and does ... and if that WAS the truth, why wouldn't he say so himself to you?! (because in saying so to you would mean lying point-blank to you!).
Right now, he's just telling 'thinly-veiled' versions of the truth ... ie, "seeing someone for a while" ... ugh, you and I both know he has a GF. He's not just 'taking his time' ... he's towing the line with you ... thus,it would be wise if you drop the line and let him sail off on his way. Don't be 'friends' ... there's nothing in it for you ... in general, don't be 'just friends' with a guy who keeps you a secret from his GF. ..
You are correct. He should end things first before starting anything with me. He did tell me a few months ago that he thought she was seeing someone else. <<If you aren't calling him, he's only calling you (or you just do the 'call back' thing) ... that's another sign that she's still in the picture. He doesn't want you to have 'access' because you might call him when she's around.>>I didn't mean before that I never call him.
I have told him that I wouldn't have anything with him while he was in another relationship. I guess I just need to put some backbone behind it.......
<<I have told him that I wouldn't have anything with him while he was in another relationship. I guess I just need to put some backbone behind it.....>>.
Yes, like very firmly putting an end to the kissing, the flirting and the daily phone calls. Yes, you would like to take it further but if you continue to allow him to kiss and flirt and act inappropriately with you (for a guy who is in a relationship), it will not stop. So the next time he tries to steal a kiss - you stop him. The next time he flirts with you, you remind him that "friends don't act that way". People treat you the way you let them treat you. If you continue to let him get away with these actions, he's going to assume you're OK with it and keep pushing..
<< I have told him that I wouldn't have anything with him while he was in another relationship. I guess I just need to put some backbone behind it..... >>.
Only you know what you're instincts are truly telling you ... it is not at all uncommon for a guy (or gal) to be dating (online dating with Match.com) more than one person ... that is what dating (online dating with Match.com) is for ... people aren't immediately exclusive. ;-) .
In that case, when 'just dating' ... I think it is safe to assume that a guy is dating (online dating with Match.com) other people (again, when intially 'just dating').
However, if you have been seeing this guy casually for months ... and he's been 'seeing her' for awhile now ... then, she's either a) his girlfriend or b) he's being terribly indecisive..
And, as much as I hate to say it, if he was THAT into you ... he'd want to date using Match.com only you. So, he IS getting some benefit from this. .
As of right now, this has been going on for months ... and if what you want is an exclusive relationship (thru Match.com) (with someone) ... the longer this goes on, the less likely it will be. .
Backbone ... yes. If I were in your shoes, I would let him know that while I enjoy his company, that I am looking for an exclusive relationship, not just dating (online dating with Match.com) ...and if he woudl like to date using Match.com exclusively, fine ... if not, then you are moving on..
But then ... you have to ask yourself, do you trust this man enough to really KNOW that, even if he agree to be exclusive, that he isnt' still seeing her or anyone else?..