What is better eharmony or

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My first question is: What is better eharmony or

My next question is: So I met a guy about 8 months ago. He lives in Canada and I live in California. We had immediate connection and chemistry. I knew this guy was different. We enjoyed each other's company and spent 3 days hanging out together. We both agreed that if circumstances were different, we'd be together by now.

I've been trying to convince him to visit me in California, but he says he's very busy with work and has business trips coming up. He says he'll be visiting me in August. That is 5 months from now! We talked about giving it a try and seeing where things go when he's here. Am I being an idiot? Am I wasting my time? A part of me believes in hope and optimism. Yet, the other side of me thinks I'm being too whimsical and hopeful..

Comments (5)

Your question was: What is better eharmony or

I have done the long-distance thing in the past, so I fully understand the frustration that can sometimes come with it! However, at this stage it is really important not to project your own fears onto the relationship. I think it says something that this guy is making the effort to stay in touch with you hopefully he is doing his share of the calling and emailing on a regular basis. If he is willing to bite the bullet and come visit you, even if it is not for a while yet, then he is willing to make an effort to be with you. Has he asked you to come visit him? Maybe there will be an opportunity for you to visit Canada for a while before then, if he seems open to the idea. What you need to take into consideration is whether your own needs are being met. If you are willing to wait for this guy and can honestly say that the relationship (thru isn't one-sided that he is making at least 50% of the effort to stay in contact with you and isn't just along for the ride then that is one thing. If, however, you aren't satisfied with the state of things and you haven't entered into an established relationship (thru with this man, or if you feel like you are working overtime to sustain his interest, I wouldn't put the rest of your life on hold and pass up other opportunities that might land at your feet in your own zip code...

Comment #1

Hi Clouds77,.

Welcomd to the board!!.

The first thing that popped into my head while reading your post - does he have more "circumstances" than he is sharing.  Please take me wtih a grain of salt.  My marriaged ending because he had an affair.  But how much do you know of this man?  Have you checked him out a little?  I'm not saying hire a privatte detective, but I don't think there is anything wrong doing a bit of checking - just to be safe..

I made sure my BF's story of his divorce was what he said by checking out the court records.  In my state they are public record and on the internet.  I also learned that he's a bit of a lead foot.  He's had a few speeding tickets :0).  He hinted one day that I probablly checked him out - and I told him I sure had!!! He didn't mind a bit..

Good Luck,.




Comment #2

"Am I being an idiot? Am I wasting my time?".

There's no harm in staying in contact with him as long as your feelings about him and the relationship (thru you share with him are kept in perspective.  There really isnt any long distance romance here - you had a short interlude with each other during those 3 days.  Any additional contact you have now is more along the "keeping in touch" lines than an actual relationship.  The reason I say that is because of how you described his lack of desire to see you - you've been trying to convince him to see you - it would be much better for you if he had the urge or desire to you - then I'd say you would not be wasting your time..

I have corresponded with men with whom I've either had summer romances or flings for a while and it was fine, but I never believed that it would amount to anything more than what we ever actually had.  One guy suggested that I move to his area and while it was nice to read, I didnt go..

"A part of me believes in hope and optimism. Yet, the other side of me thinks I'm being too whimsical and hopeful.".

Romance is great and there is nothing wrong with hope and optimism...someone in this world has got to have some of that running through their veins, hehe.  I dont see your particular situation as a practical investment on your part because he doesnt sound like he is anxious to visit with you. You could visit with him if you really want to see him or you can just keep it where it is right now...hovering in that grey long as you dont get hurt.  If you feel that you will feel more pain than happiness staying in touch with this guy, then write him off...

Comment #3

I'm not saying don't talk to him or see him but don't put all your eggs in this basket. Don't put your life on hold - you're free to date using others who are more geographically desirable as is he.  If it's meant to be in time, it will be..


Comment #4

Girl, dont get me started on long-distance lol  it's tough, but like others have said, if it's meant to be, it will be.  the effort does have to be mutual though.  make sure your both straight-forward. (time to take my own advice here.. lol.. sooo much easier said than done, these things.. grrr!) ..

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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