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What is a wink on Match.com?

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My question is: What is a wink on Match.com?.

My 2nd question is: Ok so yesterday I asked for help in calming my fears well I spoke to him before I could read all the advice and I put my foot in my mouth and asked him if we were ok.  He of course seemed upset that I was asking and said yes that I have not done anything to make him upset with me and then he said if there was a problem he would talk to me about it and that if he felt like this was not working he would be a man and say so.  So I said ok and let it go..

So this morning he emails me and says hi and have a good day I respond and say I will and you do then here is what he says next:  o.k I will and just letting you know I am fine and we are fine.

So what do I do just let it or should I address this statement.  I dont want to blow this with this man I really like him so help help help..

I need good solid advice from both sides how should I handle it from here?????????..

Comments (10)

You are right I got all that great advice yesterday but I had my foot in it.  before I had a chance to read and take in everything..

I don't mind the harsh words I welcome them I don't want to blow this because of something so stupid and little that is why I am asking to make sure what I am doing is the best step.  so I will just let it go and stop going over every word and just enjoy being with the man when we see each other and enjoy our conversations. .

We are at the point were we laugh and joke with each other we are starting to talk about things it is moving slow but steady and I like the way it is going and I screwed it up yesterday and I just don't want to make it worse..

So thank you for the harsh words I welcome them and take them as the good advice. ..

Comment #1

When in doubt of what to do ... do nothing! .

It works like a charm ... everytime.   You can never go wrong by just sitting still with your feelings until the answer becomes clear.  .

This is a very Buddhist way of thinking. Which I've read a lot of ... it resonates with me.  .

Lastly, when you say << I don't want to blow this because of something so stupid and little that is why I am asking to make sure what I am doing is the best step.  >>.

You've used those types of words several times ... "I dont' want to blow it"... the more you put those types of thoughts in your head, the more likely it will actually happen!.

By continuing to say to yourself "I dont want to blow it, I don't want to blow it, I don't want to blow it" ... guess what?  You're just feeding your subscious with negative messages. Its negative self-talk.  And if you do that, you are much more inclined to get a negative, not positive, result.    .

So, feed yourself positive thoughts.   Even putting the words "blow it" in your mind isn't good for your pysche.  ..

Comment #2

Wow I did not even realize I was doing that wow I had to read your post a few times and you are right I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind.  I have been playing conversations over in my head. .

Wow again you are so right I have been feeding my self negative thoughts and they are going to show thru.  Ok so I will change the don't want to blow it .  To this man wants me and I want him this is a great thing we are making. .

Thank you for the strong words I know as women we tend to read to much and try to figure to much out instead of just enjoying the ride which I was now that I have feelings involved I want to not get hurt so I am trying to drive this whole thing and I cant all I am doing is driving him away.  Man I will kill this before it has a chance to become more..

Thank you starbuck70 keep your strong words coming they have helped me out..

 ..

Comment #3

<< Wow I did not even realize I was doing that wow I had to read your post a few times and you are right I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind.  I have been playing conversations over in my head.   >>.

Read "The Secret" ... it's a quick little book that Oprah helped make famous ... but, by no means are the concepts of it new or unique ... the author simply package age-old concepts in a very 'reader friendly' format and it sold millions..

The basic concept is that ... the thoughts we 'put out into the universe' are what we get back in our lives..

And, I do have to say ... it works.  Not overnight.  But, over time.  ..

Comment #4

Not sure if you got had your phone call yet, but I would just leave it alone as well.  keep your panic to a minimum.  If he brings it up again, I'd say that you were just checking in.  and leave it alone..

Good Luck!!!.

 .

           ..

Comment #5

I had the call and I did exactly what everyone said I let it lie I did not even say anything back about it in my email and I just keep the conversation light and happy. .

So I know I handled it right because he was like as if nothing was said.  So again thank you to you both for responding to me and helping me to clear the fog out of my head..

Sometimes we know the right thing but our emotions help us do the wrong thing.  Again thank you........

Comment #6

<<Sometimes we know the right thing but our emotions help us do the wrong thing.  Again thank you......>>.

Part of maturity is learning to be in control of your emotions. No, you can't control what you feel but you sure as heck can control what you do. Learn to think about a particular feeling and look at it's root cause - is it really about what is happening NOW or is it a memory of something that happened in the past.

Toni..

Comment #7

Glad to help!!  I agree that we can control our actions and that it's learned over time.  take control of what you can (your own actions) to make the best of a situation.  It helps leave regrets out of the picture..

One thing that I've learned is that men don't go over and over a subject like us women do sometimes.  So if they address a subject once than we can take what they say as what they mean and move on.  That's what they are doing!!!.

 .

           ..

Comment #8

I know I'm late posting but now it is time to move forward and just put this incident in the past.  I know it is difficult because you may be a little embarassed but you need to be the jovial self that you are so that you are not drawing upon this experience for all of your interactions with him...

Comment #9

That is what I did I let it go and when I spoke with him today at lunch I was just my easy self and we just chatted it was like nothing was said..

One person said that me say what they have to say and then let it go we as women play it over and over again.  so he to me we are good then I am going to leave it at that..

Thanks for taking the time to write...

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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