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What is a proven successful strategy for a male in match.com?

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My first question is: What is a proven successful strategy for a male in match.com?.

My next question is:    Hi I'm a 32 single female,and I get told more than I want.  That I like you,your a sweet and nice girl but the feelings I have for you are more as a friend.   If I hear this one more time,I'm going to scream.   Guys say they want a nice girl but the truth is they don't.   They don't want someone like me,I have a few guy friends and they tell me I'm too nice.   Now what is that suppose to mean,and a couple of guy friends that I dated in the past.  Tell me I'm a prude,and when I ask them to claify for me how I'm a prude.  They tell me it's with the sex,I said ohhh now I get it,I'm a prude cause I wouldn't sleep with you on the first date using Match.com or in 2 weeks.  You want easy.   Then you are right I'm not for you.  .

  The guys that I'm friends with,most of them are ex's they tell me all the time it's hard to meet someone nice.  I just have to say to them.  Don't go there,you had nice but you did not want that.  Ya'll think the grass in greener on the other side.  And I just laugh,that ticks them off but hell I'm just being honest with them.  If they can speak their mind to me,well so can I.  .

   I'm to the point,where I don't want to date using Match.com anyone right now.  I feel like for the first time,I need me time and put myself first for once.   If I do meet someone,I'm going to hang out with them as a friend and if it leads to more then great.  If not then my feeling won't get involved.   I'm just sick of mens crap,does anyone else get told more than you want to hear.  I like you as a friend.  Boy that makes me want to vomit.  I know I sound ticked but I am,I just wish my guy friends would stop telling me that they want a nice girl.  Then when I tell them no they don't.  They get mad,not saying they should date using Match.com me I'm saying in general.  I ask them about me setting them up with one of my friends and they say no she too nice.   I just laugh and say you see,then go meet a girl in a bar and you'll find what your looking for.    I'm just so fed up,sorry this is kind of long.  I really needed to vent before I scream..

 .

Jamie..

Comments (5)

Your question was: What is a proven successful strategy for a male in match.com?.

Jamie you've gotten some valuable feedback from your target audience and I'm not sure you're taking it the right way.When more than one guy tells you that his problem is you're a prude, he does not necessarily mean it's because you didn't have sex on the second date. I think you may be letting your bitterness overcome your desire for honest opinions. Maybe they don't mean they want to sleep with you right away - If you think about it, it may make more sense. Could you be more open sexually, even if it doesn't mean having sex before you're comfortable?"Nice" isn't holding you back. I think it's your image of being a "nice girl" over a girl who is a potential girlfriend. Remember that a potential girlfriend has to have a sexiness factor or she will be seen as just a friend.

It's being flirty and mysterious when you need to. Your bitterness is really not becoming, that could be turning off men too. When you tell them they don't want a nice girl, that's not fair - they may very well want a nice girl but they don't want a girl who makes them hot apple pie and tucks them in at night with a kiss on their forehead. Do you not want to date using Match.com a "nice" guy? If you went on a date using Match.com with a man who was nice but didn't really make you feel a gut attraction to him, how would you feel if he got angry and said you don't really want a nice guy?..

Comment #1

A very overweight and 'butch' looking ex-friend of mine had the same problem. Always a friend, never even a casual s*&^, let alone a gf. Yet to have a bf for even a month or two, at the age of 29. She once got told at her work that she looked like a prison warden. Painful... but very true - she did.

Heavy black boots, totally masculine 'heavy' walk,  you get the picture. Nope, she didn't want to face it. Went on endlessly talking about how 'the right one will want her for her' and went on crying about how no man wants her. Still single, still showers once or twice a week (yes, you got that right), still bitter, manless, very overweight and looking like a prison warden......

Comment #2

Believe me, she was (still is). Also turned out to be absolutely evil - betrayed me in the worst possible way.  It just mind-boggling that people like that keep whining and whingeing and moaning and complaining about lack of a partner in life whilst remaining in the deeeeeeepest of denials about the fact that it is entirely their own fault...

Comment #3

The old adage is true: men want a lady in the living room and a wild woman in the bedroom. It is entirely possible to be both.  My first thought when reading your post is that your perceived 'hotness' and 'sexiness' to men is low. I am NOT saying you are unattractive - just that your vibe says sister rather than sexy. This is something YOU can control.

Beign Hot and Sexy to a man is not about how 'easy' you are - it's about how well you love your 'self' and how comfortable you are with sex and your own sexuality. Being considered a prude is attraction killer. Generally speaking, men like women who exude sexiness in a subtle way - who give the impression that they are comfortable with themselves and enjoy life AND sex.  Passion fof life goes a long way..

YOu can continue to berate men for giving you honest feedback or you can take what they've said and use it to your advantage. Prudish in bed says to me, not adventurous, not fully engaged or enjoying, and/or very body conscioius to the point of not enjoying sex.  When you enjoy sex and initiate and explore things withyour partner with a sense of play, it's hard to be called prudish.

Ask a trusted female friend to help you with your hotness factor - and be willing to get outside your comfort zone. YOu have been given the info that can make a difference in your life. Its up to you to do something with that knowledge..

Toni..

Comment #4

You need to be the person who you are - and maybe you are hanging around with the wrong people. Try dating (online dating with Match.com) or socializing with a different crowd and see what happens..

But, I dont suggest positioning yourself as "the friend" if you really like a guy because many times that is where the woman stays..

 ..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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