What do you think of dating?

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My first question is: What do you think of dating?.

My next question is: I started a new job back in October 2007 and slowly but surely I have completely fallen for a coworker of mine.  The more I work with him the more I seem to like him.  Now, I have over the past several month "caught" him looking at me, and vice versa.  We generally tend to be both very shy around one another, more so than we are with anyone else we work with.  It also seems that we sometimes are both trying to avoid acknowledging one another as maybe we don't want to make it too obvious that we are interested in each other?  The eye contact has seemed to increase in duration lately.  He's not always looking away as quickly as he once was.  And just the other day we happened to be leaving work around the same time, I was pulling away as he was walking toward his car.  So after I said "goodbye" and proceeded to drive away he watched.  His head was completely turned in my direction, staring (I of course was watching him the whole time in my mirror).  And that's not the first time that's happened.  So, it's seems like he's interested right?  Well, there's only one problem, he's already taken.  He and his girlfriend have been together for about a year.  Now as I was saying I have really fallen for this guy and can't help but feel that he might be feeling something too.  What do I do?  I know the "right" thing would be to just back off but I am going crazy thinking about him, wondering all the time what he's thinking when he sees me.  Wondering if he thinks about me even half as much as I think about him.  Is it completely inappropriate to come out and just ask him if he's interested?  I was thinking about posing it as a "hypothetical" question such as,  "hypothetically, if you weren't currently seeing someone would I have a chance with you?"  I've gotten to the point that I feel I have to do something to find out.  And since I don't trust anyone enough at work to have them do some dirty work for me, I'm going to need to do it myself.  I am just not sure how to go about it, or how to word it.  And PLEASE don't lecture me about stealing other women's men, or lusting after someone who's already taken.  It happens all the time.  It's a part of life.  You can't help who you fall for.  What's a woman to do?  Forgetting about it/him is not an option until I know the facts...

Comments (5)

Your question was: What do you think of dating?.

Well, yes, it happens all the time, and it's actually a good way to determine his character right from the start. I see nothing wrong with asking him your question, as it subtly lets him know you're interested. Yet, if he answers, "Yes", you should merely tell him that you would also feel the same IF he wasn't involved. Then, back off and let him process that. If he's a good guy, who genuinely thinks you might be "the one", then, he'll end things appropriately with his girlfriend first. Don't get involved with him before that.

Hopefully, he's a gentleman, worthy of your affections, and he feels the same and will handle things the right way in order to be with you. Good luck!..

Comment #1

Thank you for your reply and for not completely missing my point like everyone else seems to do.  Everyone assumes that I want this guy to cheat on his girlfriend which is completely not the case.  But as you said, my question would definitely let him know that I am interested without pushing anything and would then put the ball in his court and perhaps get him thinking.  Which really at this point is all I want.  I wouldn't expect or want him and his girlfriend to break up just so he could date using me.  But if him knowing I'm interested helps him realize more that maybe she's not right for him so be it.   ..

Comment #2

Yes, that's fine, in my view. Of course, my answer would be totally different if he were married, but at this stage, I think people have the right to be informed about all their romantic options. Maybe he is secretly thinking, "If only". And you are obviously feeling the same. It would be very sad if you met 10 years down the road, after you're both divorced or entangled in other relationships, and you tell him, "You know, I really liked you back then.".

Don't miss out on a possibility for love. As long as you handle it with integrity, you're fine. The worst that can happen is that he'll say "no", and your working relationship (thru could get a little awkward, but at least then you'll know that he isn't the man for you, and you can quit pining and move on...

Comment #3

I couldn't have said it better if I tried!  I am glad to see someone out there didn't completely miss what I was trying to say.  I'm not out to make him a cheater or myself the "other woman".  Thank you for the great advice.   ..

Comment #4

My situation is different, at least I think so. He's always looking at me at the gym, but says nothing, doesn't smile just looks at me. I can't understand why he doesn't say hello and I hate to be the one to say it first, but it's very obvious he is looking. I admire you for nipping it in the bud to see if he is interested. I can't even work myself up enough to say hello and most people think I am a very confident woman.Kudos for being the captain of your own ship!Pam..

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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