What do u think of

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My first question is: What do you think of

My next question is: So my girlfriend and I have be dating (online dating with on and off for about 2 years now. She has recently went through a divorce and has a child from that divorce. I treat both her and her child like queens, however she tells me that she is not sexually attracted to me anymore and there for does not want to have sex or kiss or any of that kind of stuff. I asked her why and she can't give me a straight answer. She tells me that she sees us more as being friends than lovers. The strange part is that we just moved in together and that is when it really started to happen.

She also tells me that she does not want to date using anyone but does not want our relationship (thru to end cause she is conferable and does not want to start over. What is going on here? Any suggestions on how to gain the attraction between us back?..

Comments (8)

Your question was: What do you think of

It sounds like she may be taking advantage of your feelings.  She doesnt want any physical contact with you but she doesnt want you to see anyone else??!!  It sounds one sided to me...

Comment #1

IMO You can't get the attraction back in this case.On and off for 2 years and she recently got divorced that means she was still married...your chances aren't good here. Most people need time to heal after one relationship (thru ends she didn't have that because she was married when she started something with you. People in those situations, separated, newly divorced, fresh from a breakup aren't good bets to get involved with.She likes you but she doesn't want someone else to have you and she doesn't want sex with you anymore...hopefully you realize you deserve better than this , unless you are ok with being friends with a weird twist. You sound like you are the rebound/transition person for her and believe me when she gets ready to date using others (and she will after she heals some) what will you be left with? She will keep you around until she finds someone she does want sex with.If you are wanting a real relationship (thru with all that that entails then this girl is not the one. Move out, get your own place, get on with your life. Find someone that does want a relationship (thru with you. You control your life, if you want more than just roomies with her, then take control of YOUR life and move out don't wait for her to tell you what she wants, do what is right for you...

Comment #2

Any suggestions on how to gain the attraction between us back?  You cant, so dont waste your thoughts and efforts on this..

She has made it plain and clear to you she does not want a relationship.  She is just using you now.  Tell her to get her own place and move out.  You need to go on with your life and find someone who will love you and treat you right..

Best of luck.


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Comment #3

Add another vote for "don't waste your time" to the ballot box!From my limited life experience, a relationship (thru that can be described as "on and off" is not one that has a good shot at working out long-term. I can't assume, but I will GUESS, that this woman has problems with abandonment or feeling deserted by men in her life, and she fears you leaving her to some degree... Even if she's not feeling this relationship (thru anymore. Furthermore, a woman like this is VERY likely to be keeping you waiting in the wings as a safety net (even unintentionally) until someone she DOES feel an attraction to comes along. And I guarantee you that will happen. Attraction is a stronger pull than the safety/comfort you offer.I'm really sorry. I do not think that this person is worth your time...

Comment #4

I disagree with all those who say you cant get attraction back.If you are wanting it back, this tells that it was there earlier :-). All you have to do is to start acting attractive.kwim? get that spark in your eyes which was there when you first began, dress sexier ( yes, men have to as well!), work out together ( high on list! as when you are sweating heavily, feel good hormones are released , which trigger sexual attraction.), go for candle light dinners, watch a romantic movie, endless things to do.once you have thought that you want to make it work, act upon it.( strange, in some other post a woman asked a similar question and she was given a lot of ideas.i say, if it's possible for a woman to get it back,then why not a man.strange.very strange.)..

Comment #5

In some instances you can get the attraction back, but in this situation they didn't have a solid foundation for a relationship (thru to start with....she was married (1. flag), they have been off and on again for 2 years (2. flag),  she just got divorced (3. flag), and they are already living together (4. flag) she doesn't want to have sex with him but wants to continue to live together (5. flag)....

To OP.

 If this relationship (thru started out solid I agree that attraction can be resurected sometimes, but in this instance it can't IMO.  It doesn't sound like she is ready for a relationship (thru right now.  And when she is ready it doesn't necessarily mean she will be ready for one with you...

Comment #6

I need to clarify something. She has been going through this divorce for like a year now and is just now getting the final papers signed. Long story short it's just been a jumbled mess with attorney stuff. Now as for all your answers, yes I agree with most that the realationship may be coming to an end but in the same I feel there is hope. I may just be blindsided by the fact that I am head over heals in love with her, but there are times when she is affectionate towards me. I guess I am lost on what to do, alot in me wants to continue to try to make this work but other things tell me to end it.

Do you think that giving her space and taking away the mojority of what I do will put the instance in that she is loosing me? With that being said, do you think that there is a chance by doing that she is in turn going to come on towards me?..

Comment #7

Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that even after a long separation, the finalization of a divorce is very, very difficult emotionally.  And from what I've seen in other people that's very common.  So I don't think the fact that she's been separated for a while means the divorce isn't affecting her, especially if the two of you got involved shortly after she separated from her exshe never had time to heal..

Yes, it's possible that if you pull back, she'll turn back to you but I wouldn't say it's very likely.  But if you feel you need to try, then that's what you need to do.  I'd decide for yourself how long you'd be willing to stay in this relationship (thru if nothing changed and set that as a deadline for yourself..




Comment #8

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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