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What are your good or bad experiences with parship or match.com?

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My first question is: What are your good or bad experiences with parship or match.com?.

My next question is: I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy for about 9 months now. And I am head over heels about him.... We have been exclusive for the whole time up until this past week.

To make a long story short, I have been divorced for about two years now. I found out my ex-husband was cheating on me, so I called it quits..... Obviously I have trust issues, so I had installed a program on my boyfriends computer so I could make sure he was playing me straight........well out of the blue I find out he is having dinner with another girl.....one he met on-line when he was looking for a room to rent. He didn't rent a room from her, but obviously there must have been some attraction going on............

After I found out, I told him a friend had seen him at dinner. He denied it, so I asked him if he wanted to break up and see other people. He wouldn't answer, so I kept pushing the issue. Finally he said yes.......

I realize that I may have jumped the gun. Maybe the girl and he are only friends. But I found the whole thing disturbing. They still keep emailing each other, and they are talking on the phone.

He still calls me all the time and has seen me all week, and has asked to spend 4th of July weekend together..

Should I be worried that he is pursuing another relationship, while still seeing me???.

HELP! I really don't want to be hurt!!!..

Comments (6)

Your question was: What are your good or bad experiences with parship or match.com?.

Hon, you get what you focus on - and you are VERY focused on 'getting hurt' therefore, you have no trust for yourself or others to be who they are - thus you WILL get hurt. You really installed a spyware program on your BF's computer???????? There is no possibility but getting hurt with such distrust and expectations of being hurt. When you treat people like they are the enemy you will always find 'facts' to support your theory.\.

You aren't ready to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) - because you don't know what is real and what isn't for YOURSELF - therefore, you can't begin to discern whats good for you where other people are concerned. And that fact alone is a surefire quick trip to pain.

Do yourself a favor and save yourself the pain - stop dating (online dating with Match.com) and go to work on yourself - esp. your trust issues - until you trust yourself and love yourself - no one will ever be able to..

Toni..

Comment #1

But obviously the software paid off and he was in the verge of cheating. Damned if you do trus.....damned if you don't. The whole point is that it appears that he was up to something. If I hadn't had the software on, I wouldn't have known he was up to something..........And since he was up to something - did he really deserve my trust?..

Comment #2

How in the world did you get access to  his computer with enough time to install this software?.

Since he is getting to know this woman under the guise of "friendship" and would not be honest about his dinner with her AND he did say that he'd like to date using Match.com others ... I'd say to forget about him.  I know you are head over heels about him but you will have to share him with others..is that what you want?  a piece of him?..

Comment #3

As I said, I don't know what is up.... He calls me ALL the time. We talk at least 5-6 times a day. And he acts like he is really into me. Is he just a player and I happened to finally catch him at it? What can I do to call his bluff or to get to the bottom of this?.

Basically, how can you tell if a guy is faithful and into you????? I know deep down I know the answer to this question. In my gut I know what he is doing is wrong. And you are right, he should have fessed up that he was at dinner with someone if I really mattered to him..

PS Obviously I would make a good spy. But the fact is my gut was telling me something. So I followed through...

Comment #4

Toni is right...You need to work on yourself and maybe counseling to work on your issues.DOES it really matter what he is if he is a player or not? YOU don't trust him because you don't trust yourself (he is not your ex and shouldn't be punished because of what your ex did to you)...if you want someone to be honest with you... YOU need to be honest also.WHEN you dig in the dirt whatever you find will have dirt on it. If you hadn't found anything, would you have continue to snoop and spy? regarless your relationship (thru Match.com) would crumble because WITHOUT TRUST you have nothing worth having. And if he found out you had spyware installed, he would have kicked you to the curb and you would have deserved it. LIKE attracts like. YOU are not trustworthy so you will attract untrustworthy people.

Don't make someone pay for something someone else did to you.But it sounds like you are going to continue to paint yourself the victim in this I'm not saying you aren't a victim in a way but you are not innocent in this either, it is not fair to hold his lying against him when YOU are doing the exact same thing, so decide if you can accept that he lied to you if so more power to you and this sad relationship...if not then end the relationship. It is your choice and you are responsible for that choice so if you continue that is all on you...

Comment #5

"Basically, how can you tell if a guy is faithful and into you????? ".

He doesnt tell you he wants to date using Match.com other people.  I know he calls you all the time but he flat out told you that he wants to date using Match.com others.  Drop this loser...

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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