What are the best profiles?

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My question is: What are the best profiles?.

My 2nd question is: Hi, everyone..

I'm a happy 39-yr. old and about two months ago, I decided to try online dating (online dating with after ending a LTR about 8 mos. ago.  I met a physician about a week into the online matching process.  We exchanged a few emails and then met in person within a week.  He was pretty quiet during our face-to-face and seemed nervous.  I was comfortable, but kind of felt like he wasn't my type physically.  Our conversation flowed easily and we talked for about 45 min.  He then received some calls and had to abruptly leave to go back to work.  He walked me to my car and asked if he'd hear from me again.  I quickly and cheerily said, "Will I hear from YOU?"   He said, "Yes, of course" and then we parted.  After I was on the road for a couple of minutes, he called my cell and said "I hope you aren't offended that I had to leave... I really had a good time."  I told him that I understood completely and that I'd talk to him later. .

He called me the next night and we talked for a couple of hours.  He continued to call regularly and I initiated calls to him as well.  Our conversation always flowed easily and often times we spoke for a couple of hours at a time.  One time, we were talking about our ages and I said "So, you're 38!"  And then he said, "No, 40".  He explained it away, stating that his nurse had set up his online profile and that she must've thought he was 38.  I also asked him about home /img/avatar5.jpgship in his city and it turned out that he hadn't lived in that city for awhile.  He again blamed the nurse for specifying his old city when setting up his online profile.  These little items bothered me, but I continued speaking to him..

During our conversations, he would ask "How does your week look? Maybe we can get together" and I'd tell him which days looked good.  This kept going on, but he never asked me to go out on a specific day.  One time on a Sunday, we talked about getting together on Tuesday.  So on Tuesday, I emailed him at about noon and asked where we were meeting.  He emailed back and said "The nurse booked extra surgeries and I have soccer after work, but I still plan on being available".  He didn't call until 7pm and by that time, I had something else come up with work and told him that we'd make it another night.  He would then mostly email and ask about my schedule, but then never follow through and ask me out.  I stopped answering his calls and emails about three weeks ago and he reacted insecurely (he called me a couple of times in the same day and he stated via email, "Let me know if you don't want to communicate anymore").  I decided to email back the next day and just say "I've been busy.  Talk to you later."  So then we talked the next day and he uncomfortably mentioned his insecure actions (he said, "Oh, about yesterday, I'm just the kind of person who goes for what I want and is very direct with his speech.").  Before I could really respond, he had to take a call on his other line and then he came back and said he'd call me right back.  He called back a couple of hours later, but I was in bed and didn't answer. .

Two Fridays ago at about 10pm, he sent me an email that said "Hey you, how does your weekend look?"  I emailed back on Sat. afternoon and stated that I had plans on Sat. night, but that I was available on Sun.   I left it at that and he didn't email me again until Tues.!  His email just said "R U free 2mrrow?"  That was all he wrote... no greeting or anything.  This was email (not text), so the shorthand made me laugh in a disgusted kind of way.  I didn't respond.  He has called about six times since then, but I haven't answered.  He has sent a few emails as well, but I haven't responded.  My time is valuable and I don't want to waste on someone who doesn't treat me right!  He emailed last night and said "Happy Thanksgiving!!  U should call me".  I just deleted it.  I mean, "you should call me?".

Is this typical of online dating? If he doesn't want to get together with me, why does he keep calling and emailing?  An ego trip?  Am I overreacting?  He has never been married, but was with the same woman for several yrs. and they have two young children (he has primary custody).   I realize that he has a very busy career and life in general with custody of two children.  I'm very busy as well.  During one of our past conversations, he told me that he didn't really know how to be in a relationship.  I admit thinking "RUN!" when he said that, but I continued speaking to him.  One thing seems sure he doesn't seem to have his act together with respect to women and doesn't know how to treat them.  Do you agree?  My good friend thinks that I should reply to the email from last night and say "You should take me to dinner!"  I disagree and am interested in your thoughts..

The reason that I'm torn is that we have a lot in common, our conversations flow easily, and I love that he's successful and ambitious (I don't seem to meet many like that!).  So part of me is wondering if I should give it another try..

Thanks everyone!.


Edited 11/27/2009 3:41 pm ET by happymallory.

Edited 11/27/2009 3:52 pm ET by happymallory.

Edited 11/28/2009 9:01 am ET by happymallory..

Comments (4)

This isn't typical of my experiences with online dating. He sounds like he's not very interested. Maybe he thought you were nice, but he's dating (online dating with other women and kind of keeping you on the back burner in case? Ultimately it doesn't matter what the problem is. If he's really so busy that he can't ever go on a date, or if it's simply that he's dating (online dating with other women, he's still not worth you wasting your time on. The thing to do if you're done is simply tell him that he obviously doesn't have time in his life to date using you and that you're moving on. There's no point in playing games and avoiding calls, just be honest...

Comment #1

I recently ended (well, actually he ended never calling me again!) a relationship (thru with a custodial dad. He could never get it together with trying to date using and be a parent. He ended it by suggesting he wasn't as available as he thought he was (complete nonsense, he'd been on Match every day that week!). Either way, as a mom with sole custody who WANTS to be in a relationship, I try to make the time to do so. Not all the time, not every day, but I do carve out at least one evening a week to do so.If he can't even do THAT, he is not available. And the asking you to do something on the weekend and not getting back to you til after the weekend??? Obnoxious in my book...

Comment #2

No, it's not typical of online dating, per se, but it's typical of men who are just not all that interested but who like to keep women on the hook, just in case..

Cut off contact and move on.  You know this isn't how a man who's truly interested in dating (online dating with you behaves..



Comment #3

Good morning!.

Thank you for confirming what I already knew, everyone!  I'm not sure why I let my good girlfriend question my gut.  Of course I want someone who adores me and wants to see me!  The kicker is that I didn't even think he was THAT cute/attractive!  I knew to walk away, but questioned things because he has some other positive qualities..

Northwestwanderer - I especially like and value and your no-nonsense advice.  I always agree with it!!!.

Good luck in your dating (online dating with lives!.


Edited 11/28/2009 9:13 am ET by happymallory..

Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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