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My question is: What are some promo codes?.

My 2nd question is: Since you all have been helpful, I am hoping you can give me some advice now as I am a wee bit nervous...

So, from my previous post, I went  out on a date using with a decent guy, both in our 40's, had a good time. He has been texting me since Monday, no phone calls but texting, just friendly texts..

Well, last night he text me again, asking me about my day and what he was up to. So, I finally decided to bite the bullet and I text him back saying that it would be nice if we could catch up sometime. He replied that he would enjoy that and we set a time for next week as he is a single dad and has his child this weekend. When he said "yes', I asked him where to meet, and he said he did not know, so I told him we would figure it out later. Then he just said goodnight.. since this is my very FIRST time dating (online dating with and I have NEVER asked a man out before...yikes...was I too pushy by asking him? Or pushing for a time and location? We are not going out til mid next week..

My stomach was doing the flip flops while texting..I was so nervous! I have to say I hate text messaging for stuff like this..

Should I have waited for him to see if he would have asked me out? I just don't want to be perceived as pushy or too aggressive..I am so old school it's scary!.

Thanks for taking the time to read this..any thoughts would so much be appreciated!.



Comments (12)


I hate all the texting too.... I don't know what it is with guys and texting but if he's really into you he should be picking up the phone..

I don't think I would have asked him out but what is done is done.  I would wait for him to ask you then you know he is really interested in you.  Next time, perhaps he'll step up to the plate.  .

I really don't have any advice for you but in the early stages I just let the guy do the asking.. they like the chase.  I've been dating (online dating with the same guy for about 2 months now and never asked him out once.  He asks me out every week.  He texts, but also calls a few times a week too...

Good luck, just try to enjoy.  And date using other people too. Don't put all your eggs in one basket at this early stage...

Comment #1

He said yes, nothing else really matters. You both know you're interested. That is a great start! I am sure now if things feel good for him he'll start initiating dates too.I know many people who swear by never asking out a man - But I've only had good results from it myself. Besides, the way it went down it really sounds like the date using was a mutual decision but you just put the interest out there. That's a great way to go. Don't worry!..

Comment #2

I personally do not ask guys out.  Other people here do it.  It's mainly up to you..

If you're so worried about acting overeager, being too agressive, etc , then why did you ask him out?   Sounds like you *just couldn't help yourself*.  The worst thing you can do is lose your self-control.  You are already all twisted about someone you barely know.  That's not good.  Who cares what he thinks?  I mean yah, care, but not CARE like all freaking out about whatever like he's going to make or break you.  You are a 40-something grown woman.  Get a hold of yourself..

So it's too late, you already asked him out.  Now time to go and have a good time.  And from now on, I would let him take the lead. ..

Comment #3 was harsh. I am not a desperate/needy person. As I stated I have never dated before.. I am not sure what "dating protocol" is, that's all. Just because I am in my early 40's has nothing to do with it..

I think it is hurtful to bash me when you don't even know me..

I have just come out of a very long term relationship, so I don't know anything about men at this stage in the game..the texting and all that..

Maybe I should not have asked him, maybe..but I was interested that's all. I will not break if it does not work out..geez...

Comment #4

I do not bash people.  But I dont sugarcoat it.  Really, I dont know anyone on here who sugarcoats it.  That's why it's awesome..

I get that your concerned about protocol.  And I'm glad that you say that he wont "break" you.  However, this is already your 2nd thread about it.  And your posts read with too much freaking out and concerned about what he thinks.  I am really young, so I dunno.  I guess I just expect older women to be more confident, more together, more secure.  To me, that partly means not caring what other people think.  I'm saying be wary of caring so much what he thinks.  Just do what you want. .

Which brings me to this: your actions dont seem to be matching what you say you want.  You said you dont want to be too aggressive, then dont be.  If your actions are contradicting what you say you want, that means you are losing your self-control.  Which is not really good...

Neways, dont worry about it now.  Just have a good time...

Comment #5

Ok, I"m confused...if you're so "old school", then it doesn't make sense that you would have asked him would never have entered your mind, KWIM ;-)?  So can you clarify that?.

There are two issues I see with asking a guy out early on:  1, you won't know until at least next week whether he was just being polite in setting up a time to meet up (as opposed to being interested enough to ask you out himself) and 2, you're setting a precedent to be the initiator in the relationship, which for me personally is a turnoff but once you've set that precedent it's hard to turn it around..

Also, setting the precedent of communicating anything more than pleasantries by text is not a good idea unless that's how you want to conduct this relationship..

Was it you I suggested to read Mars and Venus on a Date?  I'd run, not walk to the bookstore if so ;-)..



Comment #6

Man, oh guys are killing me here.

Ok..I get the whole not asking the man out thing, but...if you are interested in a man, I personally don't think there is anything wrong with it. I am a confident, successful woman and I know what I want and who I am..

I just am new to dating, so all I was asking was it too much? Who knows..I will find out next week. If so, then lesson learned. But I do think on the other hand, that men do like the women to take the initiative..maybe not all the time, understandbly. And, yeah, I get the whole if he wants to date using me he will find me thing..blah, blah, blah...I am not into playing games so I asked plain and simple. I was just nervous about dating..just being human..not losing self control..please.... .

My confusion is in the whole "text" thing. I just don't care for it. I think a phone call is the norm. He has been texting me, so instead of me wasting any time, I just asked him out..plain and simple. Why waste time if he is just texting me to be my friend. I have enough friends, I am looking to date..not have another buddy..

I think everyone has their own personal opinion and I respect that, but please don't treat me like I don't know my butt from a hole in the ground..not nice...

Comment #7

No one here is bashing you, you asked for opinions and that is what you get. We just try to give different perspectives.I am more in line with the others, I usually let the guy initiate, but that is just me.You asked him he said ok, so go and enjoy it for what it is, just a date. But if it turns out that you are doing most of the initiating then he is not worth your time."My confusion is in the whole "text" thing. I just don't care for it"I don't care for it either, and you need to let him know that you don't care to carry on conversations that way, tell him to pick up the phone and call, if you continue to text all the time then that sets the precedent for communication in the relationship...

Comment #8

Woah, there ;-)!  I think you are reading far too much into my post to you...I'm just asking questions about what you wrote, and giving you my POV, I didn't say anyting bad about you!.

Re what you just posted, if you don't like to text, I don't understand why you'd *ask him out* by text!  That creates a precedent of texting that you're going to have to live with.  If you were going to ask him out, why not do it by phone, if that's how you want him to communicate with you?.

Same with you asking him out...there's no harm in it so long as you are ok with being in the initiator position...again, a difficult precedent to change. .

I agree, some men LOVE it when you ask them out, they get to be lazy, LOL!  And that's fine if you really are ok with being in the initiator role.  But that's not consistent with being "old school" about dating, at least not in my mind, so that's why I asked.  Plus, for me at least, it reduces my attraction to a man if I have to be the initiator, and it tends to reduce a man's attraction to you as well (although he most likely won't recognize why unless he's read John Gray). .

Waiting for a guy to ask you out is NOT playing games, it's showing receptive interest rather than active interest.  Because of the way (most) men and women are wired, that works better in courtship.   Acting the same way you do in your business life in your personal life is not necessarily a good ideaagain, the Mars/Venus books do a good job of explaining why, it's too much to summarize on a message board..



Comment #9

Hi.  Even if you are a confident the dating (online dating with arena you want to create romance, no?  It's not your are after a relationship, sex and love so you must be different because the goal is different..

I think it might be good for you to read some books on the subject.  Yes, you can be "practical" in the relationship (thru and take the bull by his horns but will you get what you want?  Will you be adored and cherished?   I personally don't act in necessarily "practical" ways with a man in the beginning because the truth is dating (online dating with is a dance and it is a game.  It has to be because it's about learning about someone and playing roles with each other. There is no way around these "games"...because we are dealing with love and romance.  If you don't want games, fine...lay it all on the line and see what happens.  Mystery and allure is killed and boredom and disinterest sets in...not fun.  Being totally open while dating, especially in the fragile beginning, kills the spark that makes it all worthwhile..

Especially in the want it to be light and fun. But while you are dating (online dating with you are watching and listening to determine what kind of man he is and he is doing the same with you.  And that is the way it should be..

So accept it is a game and learn how to play it as best you can. The key to dating (online dating with is have fun, meet men yet at the same time know how to keep your boundaries so you don't get too hurt in the process. .

I am not sure I explained it very well...but I totally agree that reading Jon Gray's book (mentioned prior) would be excellent. Another excellent book for you is "Getting to I Do".  It sounds cheesy but it really has great advice on creating romance, love and cherishing in your relationship..



Comment #10

Yes, guys do seem to like to be the one who does the asking, etc in the beginning. Act interested but also show that you have a busy life, lots of options, etc.


Comment #11

I agree. Just enjoy and see what develops.


Comment #12

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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