What are some experiences?

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My question is: What are some experiences?.

My 2nd question is: I asked a guy if we could have dinner last friday, and was shocked actually when he said yes.  I was shocked because he is a total workaholic (70-80 hrs a week at times) and doesnt normally make time to eat food...or leave his office.  I've known him for a while, but Ive just recently developed a crush on him.  I told him I got off of work at 6:30 & told him to pick the time and the place that I was fine with wherever he wanted to go.  So we met at 7, and left at 8-30 where he of course went back to work   I was not in anyway considering this dinner a date using of any sort, just two people eating dinner together - bc hey, we all know it's better than eating alone!  However, he not only offered to buy dessery as a "treat" he also bought dinner. (i had been totally prepared to pay for me own)  BUT now it is really annoying me - did he think there was more to this dinner, or was he just being a nice guy...and in either case, what and the world do I do now?!?!?! THANKS!..

Comments (11)

He may have paid to be nice or he paid because he doesnt like women paying for him.  I wouldnt think too much about it. .

How did you leave things?  Did he say that he'll call you or did you two discuss a second date?   If you did not discuss a second date using you could call to thank him for the dinner and what an unexpected treat it was and see if he is open to seeing you again...

Comment #1

Hi Marie,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I agree with Snafu that if this was a date using depends on if he asked to see you again.  Either way - Why is it bad if it was a date?.





Comment #2

If it was a date using it was certainly not a bad thing! but I dont know if infact it was or not...He is a great guy, he just works a ton.  I feel bad for him sometimes bc he'll text me things about how he has no life, or he needs a lifte etc.  I did thank him for dinner, but we have not made plans for a second "date".  since I already asked last week, should I ask him again or wait for him to do something....i do know, via a mutual friend of ours that he claims to be very shy and doesnt ask women out even if he is interested in them. i just wish I knew what he was would be nice!..

Comment #3

We'd all LOVE to know what the men in our lives are thinking.  I can't usually figure out my own father!!! so I'm not hopeful knowing what my BF is thinking :0)!!!!!  Well  - I don't think you should do all of the pursuing.  Being shy can not be an excuse forever.  And remember he choose to be a work aholic!!  Next time he texts - I'd let him know that you had a good time and see if he would like to go again.  If he says yeah sure - I'd put it on him that he has to give you more than two hours.  Add a movie in this time or bowling!!.


Good Luck,.



Comment #4

So I caved in and went into his work (where a few of my other friends work as well. it's a local University) and I stopped into his office to see him tonight.  On Friday at dinner, he'd mentioned something about his job and I told him he is so good at it that he would have to quit before tehy would ever think of firing him...and he just smiled at the comment id made.  then tonight after I left his office (and over the past month or so while we've been talking while hes at work) I texted him and asked him sincerly "That it had been bothering me since Friday, and he could tell me if I was in the wrong, but I wanted to know if he was ok"...and he texted back almost immediatly and said that he was "mentally ill".  What exactly does mentally ill mean? and regradless of any romantic interest I have in him, he is still a friend, and I dont think he opens up to many people is there a way to get himt to open up and talk without pressuring him?!?! I just dont want him to be "hurting" you know what I mean? is it appropriate to reask to dinner somewhere nice to get him to open up, or is that more of a in-home dinner and movie convo?!?! thanks again and again for putting up with me...haha I bet you're getting tired of it!..

Comment #5

I'm chiming in a little late here, but I would not ask this guy out anymore. You've already asked him out on the first date, and you stopped by his work last night... so, you've given him plenty of opportunities to show that you're interested. If he's interested in you, then he should pursue you. Even if it is just interest as a friend...

Comment #6

Was he joking about being mentally ill or serious?  Mentally ill could mean a variety of conditions but some of them could be very harmful to you should you date using him.  Did you ask him what he meant by that? .

He may work a lot because he doesnt have a full or fulfilling life..

If you want him to open up it would be best to do so in a more private setting.  I'm sure he doesnt want to discuss himself at work where people could listen in.  Depending on what is bothering him opening up at a restaurant wouldnt be bad.  Are you getting more attracted to him because he is wounded?  Or would you have been drawn to him anyway?..

Comment #7

Hi again,.

I'm not sure if he was joking or not about mental illness - not the best thing to joke about - but I would say he was joking.  He might think he is mentally ill for working so much.

Don't persue too much.  You want to know that he wants to spend time with you and I think the only way to know this is for him to do the asking..

You can't make someone open up, and if he's not good at this, you will just have to be patient.  One way to get him started toward this is to ask him lots of ?'s about himself but be sure in the beginning to keep them at a more superficial level - like what's his favortie stuff to eat, tv show, etc..

Good luck.



Comment #8

He did not clarify when I asked him what he ment by mentally ill....however I dont think it is anything major.  I thing he is just really really really stressed and sleep deprived and just doesnt know how to fix it (at least that is what I am hoping!) .

I was already attracted to him before....but knowing hes wounded as you put it, does make me want to try and help him.  I just feel like he needs an outlet for all of his troubles, someone to tell them too.  I dont want to push him to much though bc I certainly dont have any reason to be invading his personal space, but if he were to be willing to let me in, id be more than happy to help him out.  Just not real sure how to do it. .


Comment #9

So his statement was sarcastic.  Depending how he communicates you could approach him in a variety of ways.  Some people just need time to get to know you before opening up.  Others open up pretty quickly.  Some open up in stages..

His troubles may not be of a major concern, as you say, so I wouldnt be approaching this as though his life were in your hands..

I think that people open up to others who demonstrate with their actions that their caring and concern are real.  If that is the case, then they can rely on those people to listen and be there as a support.  If he is shy, then it might take a bit longer for him to open up to you.  Just be reliable, dependable and caring and eventually he'll come to see you as a source of support. The beginning stages of a romance should be a time for fun and laughter and getting to know each other so dont forget the fun and the laughter...

Comment #10

In my opinion it is way too early to tell what you and he are going to be...  You said you had a crush on him, so you are hoping for something more than friendship.  I would try and flirt with him and see if he responds.  You could always tell him you are interested as well, in a no pressure sort of way..

If he is a work a holic, understand that even in a relationship (thru with him he may have limited time for you. .

Good luck,.


Comment #11

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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