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What are some Match.com example profiles?

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My question is: What are some Match.com example profiles?.

My 2nd question is: My girlfriend and I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) for close to four years now.  Early on, I went away for two months to do volunteer work and upon returning home we moved rather quickly in our relationship.  On regular intervals throughout the relationship (thru Match.com) we hit a rough patch where communication is the primary issue.  She feels that I am not opening up enough.  However, when I ask what she would like me to be more open about I do not get a specific answer.  As of late she feels that since we moved so fast we missed out on the getting to know one another phases of the relationship (thru Match.com) and that is at the root of her not feeling connected to me.  Do you feel it is possible to still establish that connection?  Without having specific things to open up about, should I just rehash my childhood and teen experiences, my life defining moments, my up and downs?  While I realize that I can be more open, I do not feel that I have been completely closed down, however, I love her I want to get that connection.  Any thoughts?  Thanks    ..

Comments (9)

I'm sure you canstill establish that connection by having some conversations that require some details of your lives prior to meeting each other.  cl-krist143 offered some suggestions.  Or, each time you see each other you can bring up one topic or question you may have for her too - it doesnt always have to be intense or serious it can be humorous or silly times too.  It is important to feel grounded with the other person and have some idea of what kind of life he or she has had or how he or she sees the world...

Comment #1

Ask if you can begin again in a sense - go on a first date, reignite the romance, act like strangers getting to know each other - sparks will likely fly and hopefully lead to that connection.

 .

But she does need to be more specific about what she feels you are holding back on - tell her nicely you really care about her and want to make her happy but are not a mindreader - ask her for an example or two of the kind of thing she has in mind. Don't do this on the second first date, however!.

,..

Comment #2

 I don't recommend that you 'ask' if you can start again, JUST START AGAIN. Don't ask, just do..

 Secondly, she can't pinpoint 'WHAT' she wants you to be more honest with, b/c she doesn't know. All she knows, is that she FEELS like you're not being open and honest with her. She's feeling cheated. The answers don't lie within her, they lie within you..

 The number one reason why r-ships fail, is b/c of LACK OF COMMUNICATION. If you don't YET know how to communicate with women, this is what you need to go to Barnes & Nobles, and START LEARNING about. I'm sure you might be looking for a 'quick fix', to this, but... there's none coming. It takes time and dedication, but the payoff is f-ing priceless!!.

 It's YOUR responsibility to LEARN these things, BEFORE you get into a r-ship. It's that MOST people NEVER do this, and instead, they get into a r-ship and learn that their communications skills suck, when their girl starts complaining about it. I was one of those guys, until I made it a personal goal of mine to LEARN how to be a very good communicator, not only with women, but people in general. IT'S PAID OFF!!.

 How far are you willing to go to get this taken care of? Are you willing to spend HOURS upon HOURS opening up and revealing parts of yourself that NO ONE else knows about? Are you willing to let yourself become vulnerable? Do you know what being 'vulnerable' means to a girl?.

 She's telling you that she wants to know how you feel, how you think, what your dreams are, your passions are, what your future holds with HER in it, what it was like to grow up the way you did, your views on EVERYTHING. And... simply, being open and honest about who YOU really are. IE... the little boy in you, the man in you, the sexual being in you, the great intelligent man in you, the LEADER in you, EVERYTHING, bro!.

 I've probably said too much already, if you could just realize how much women LOVE their man to be HONEST, COMMUNICATIVE, and RESPECTFUL, with them, about EVERYTHING. The love, RESPECT and admiration they will have for you, is what they DREAM of and will literally DIE for.

 Most men don't have a clue how to do these things, which is the reason there are so many women on the site that are so frustrated with their man. Don't be like these guys. Choose to learn this for yourself first, and let your g/f enjoy the NEW you..

 Any questions, feel free to ask..

 Be well....

 .

 Z..

Comment #3

Z .... man, you are one intense dude..

"How far are you willing to go to get this taken care of? Are you willing to spend HOURS upon HOURS opening up and revealing parts of yourself that NO ONE else knows about? Are you willing to let yourself become vulnerable? Do you know what being 'vulnerable' means to a girl?".

Do you actually do this with your GF?  I dont know any man who has done this with ANY woman.  I mean, sure, guys have told me private things they have done during the course of their lives but nothing that led them to being vulnerable (on a limited level...only one man I can think of and it wasnt either ex husband) and revealing parts of themselves that no one else knows about.  It is a very intense and passionate thing to do.  Geeez, I havent done that with any man either.  People generally dont want to see someone else's dark side...too scary because it is the side that steps beyond what is expected of you into a place where you might indulge in thoughts and actions that might be frowned upon.  I have played my life differently up until now.  Keeping my mouth shut has worked for me surviving events that were designed to destroy things and people.  I've led a life that I had to splinter on a few levels in order to do the things I've wanted to do (without regret - very important) and still keep all the nosey-bodies out of my business..

"And... simply, being open and honest about who YOU really are. IE... the little boy in you, the man in you, the sexual being in you, the great intelligent man in you, the LEADER in you, EVERYTHING, bro!".

I agree...if a woman loves you she wants to see all sides to you...

Comment #4

 Thanks, Snafu... I'm glad you noticed. )  Intense... maybe.

 I look at it as me being passionate about women. I LOVE WOMEN!.

 You see, I've learned that to have a truly great r-ship, one must be willing to 'expose' parts of themselves. As you know, this makes people look at you as a 'real' person, instead of someone 'playing the part'..

 With me too, I insist that my g/f be honest, communicative, and respectful. Not just with me, but with HERSELF, which will carry over to me AND everyone else. This is one of MY demands of people I date. If a girl can't live up to that, she's GONE! (Intense, sure...).

 It's too bad you haven't met a man that hasn't 'opened' up to you. Once they're able to 'let go' of the past, it's SO much easier to live in the NOW. At least, for me it is..

 Real quick, Snafu. What does it 'mean', for someone to be vulnerable? In YOUR opinion?.

 Curious....

 Z..

Comment #5

"You see, I've learned that to have a truly great r-ship, one must be willing to 'expose' parts of themselves. As you know, this makes people look at you as a 'real' person, instead of someone 'playing the part'.".

Yeah, in order to really be connected and close we need to expose ourselves on a deeper level to one another.  On the one hand it is the core of the person (with all of his or her complexities) that is the treasure...but...on the other hand it is that very core that people fear showing to people due to many reasons like fears of rejection or abandonment or commitment.  Because people are afraid to show that core...they do eventually create the very climate that they dont want (like the rejection) ..

Most men I have been with didnt really want to go very deep because the relationships themselves were not all that deep to begin with.  My two exhusbands didnt ever go there with themselves or anyone else for that matter.  No one has ever asked that of ME before - to get that intense or deep or expose that much..

The one guy who did expose things about himself that were not very pretty did so because I think he just had that need, that ache inside to show someone who he really was.  I was kind of speechless because of the nature of his discussion but I understood his desire to communicate.  In one single moment I felt very privileged and terrified to be confided in this way..

Z, Do you feel that a person can expose too much?  There are some things I'd just as well never know about a guy because it can screw with a person's mind and then wreck the relationship..

"It's too bad you haven't met a man that hasn't 'opened' up to you. Once they're able to 'let go' of the past, it's SO much easier to live in the NOW. At least, for me it is.".

Question:  what does letting go of the past have to do with opening up?.

"Real quick, Snafu. What does it 'mean', for someone to be vulnerable? In YOUR opinion?".

In a nutshell, being vulnerable means leaving yourself open to being hurt. .

If neither party feels vulnerable to the other in a relationship (thru Match.com) then they walk around with a feeling like they have nothing to lose - even if they lose the relationship.  Many people live lives like this and yet parade around their so-called "great life" for the world to see.  There are lots of reasons for straying outside the marrige emotionally and physically but, just as that one man had that need inside to show me who he really was...I think sometimes that is why people cheat.  In some cases people are so in want of ..so in need of...connecting...really connecting ... that they do so in physical nature with someone, even if it is just a one night stand...just so they CAN be vulnerable on some level because their current relationship (thru Match.com) doesnt cut it..

 ..

Comment #6

 You know, to be honest, this is one of the FEW conversations on this site, that actually is tapping into some really 'hardcore', yet very welcomed, heart felt stuff..

 You asked: "z, Do you feel that a person can expose too much?  There are some things I'd just as well never know about a guy because it can screw with a person's mind and then wreck the relationship.".

 Yeah, I've known people to be TOO honest and open TOO quickly. In fact, the girl I'm dating (online dating with Match.com) now, said she had dated a guy and told her early on that he had harmed people in some very tragic ways. What did this do to her? She was AFRAID of this guy, b/c... he told her incriminating things, that put a strangling fear in her, that he'd harm her if she squealed. HE, opened up TOO MUCH TOO QUICKLY. NOT COOL..

 So yes, people do open up for different reasons, but... someone like myself, I've been learning "WHEN" to do so, and when NOT to do so. There are some things that my g/f does NOT know about me, but... we've been dating (online dating with Match.com) for less than a year.

 There ARE things that IF NEVER TOLD, would probably be better off, but it's just that sometimes people's hearts are TOO open. The contrast to that, would be the people that NEVER share anything. I choose to work on being 'balanced', and to listen to my instincts, as far as knowing "when" to be open, and when NOT to be. (Long explanation, huh?) ).

 As far as "letting go of the past" in relation to "opening up", to me is critical. Here's why I think that: Since humans are the only animal capable of 'living in the past', too often when this happens, people can NOT live in the NOW. People hold in traumatic, childhood, teenage, and adulthood events that keep them from PROGRESSING forward on their journey to happiness. That's why being OPEN and HONEST within yourself is critical in ones growth. Acceptance is key. Knowledge is key.

If only everyone had a copy of these keys. ).

 I believe that 90% (if not more) of the population DO NOT know how to 'Love Unconditionally'. People reward kids for doing good and punish them for doing bad. This is NOT unconditional love. It's VERY conditional and not good for a growing human. Allowing people to make mistakes WITHOUT judgement is what unconditional love is, TO ME. I digress....

 I also appreciate your explanation of what being 'vulnerable' is.

 .

 .

 Z..

Comment #7

"There ARE things that IF NEVER TOLD, would probably be better off, but it's just that sometimes people's hearts are TOO open. ".

I agree.  I believe that it is okay to withhold some things that you keep only for yourself.  No one is an angel.  We've all done things that could be considered bad, deviant, risque, etc.  And maybe we've hurt people along the way - sometimes unintentionally.  You have to pick and choose what you want to divulge and, like you said...the best time to do that.  I like a balanced approach as well. .

"As far as "letting go of the past" in relation to "opening up", to me is critical. Here's why I think that: Since humans are the only animal capable of 'living in the past', too often when this happens, people can NOT live in the NOW. People hold in traumatic, childhood, teenage, and adulthood events that keep them from PROGRESSING forward on their journey to happiness. That's why being OPEN and HONEST within yourself is critical in ones growth. Acceptance is key. Knowledge is key.

If only everyone had a copy of these keys. )".

I understand now.  You see it on these boards all the time.  People posting about being scared to move forward, to ask someone out, afraid to be rejected...all of these fears in normal situations...because of the past.  If they are scared doing normal things imagine how they'd handle really scary situations. .

I think it is harder to be honest with yourself sometimes than with others.  People want to believe they are someone they are not.  People want to portray themselves as god-fearing, nature loving, baby kissing citizens when in actuality they are just like everyone else - pleasure hounds who dont care much about anyone else but themselves.  It's just that some of those dirty dogs do some really damaging things to people that others wouldnt. .

So, opening up is a byproduct of letting go of the past?  Can a person still open up...yet be stuck in the past? ((thinking out loud))  They'd be opening up about the past...so...I guess you are right - they are stuck because they are not operating in the present. They are still reenacting their history over and over with new people..

Z, very cool...living in the past prevents you from living in the now.  I'll remember that..

"I believe that 90% (if not more) of the population DO NOT know how to 'Love Unconditionally'. People reward kids for doing good and punish them for doing bad. This is NOT unconditional love. It's VERY conditional and not good for a growing human. Allowing people to make mistakes WITHOUT judgement is what unconditional love is, TO ME. I digress...".

I dont think unconditional love exists.  If your GF treats you poorly you would break up with her, right?  Maybe you would still have feelings for her, but you wouldnt continue to take poor treatment. .

As far as rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior...parents do love conditionally.  Again, parents establish boundaries as to what behavior is acceptable in their household and what is not acceptable.  It's the way the world works.  If no expectations were presented to a child...humans being what they are...the child would run the household, take advantage of the situation and develop a spoiled "gimme" nature.  No one wants to live with that type of child..

"this is one of the FEW conversations on this site, that actually is tapping into some really 'hardcore', yet very welcomed, heart felt stuff.".

I agree...

Comment #8

I would like to thank you all for your great comments.  I have to say that this is by far the best message board I have come across regarding any subject.  Very respectful and thought provoking.  While there is no quick fix I have stepped up and some progress has been made.  There is much work to be done, but I think the potential outcome is well worth it. ..

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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