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My question is: What are some Match.com discount vouchers?.

My 2nd question is: This is long sorry...  in december I met a guy, he was traveling for work - I was on vaca. We spent 3+ days together & had SO much fun. I spent a night in his hotel room but didn't sleep with him, just kissed I even slept in a different bed. I told him sleeping w/ a guy I just met wasnt my style - his invitation stood & he was a gentleman. we stayed up late talking/drinking wine/watching tv. He said we'd see each other soon - I've met so many jerks - I didn't believe him.

But - he called from the airport later that day, the next day, and the next day. For 2 months - we stayed in touch w/ calls, texts, email, & he sends postcards when he travels. After many invitations - I went to visit him on the tail end of a business trip. I spent the wkend & had a great time. He paid for everything - took me to nice restaurants, we went dancing & sightseeing. He introduced me to his friends.

He called that night to make sure I got home ok. He's planning to visit next month. There was a total comfort-level, even though I'd only spent a few days w/ him months before..

There seems to be equal effort on both parts. We talk daily. Everything seems wonderful. If things continue, I'd move. We're not kids (both 35), we both want to get married and have kids (although haven't discussed doing it together). I feel at this age we're a little wiser, know what we want, and although I've never been a fan of long-distance dating, I say they can work so long as 1 person is willing to move.

Plus - my company has an office 3 miles from his house.

From what I can tell, he is a perfect gentleman, sweet, successful, family-oriented, funny, attentive, smart, honest. after picking so many losers in the past - I feel like he is the nice guy I've always thought i'd meet.

My question is am I crazy to even think for a second that this could work?..

Comments (12)

You are not crazy for thinking this could work.  All looks good based on what you posted, especially since your company has an office close to where he lives..

If things continue as they have been...go for it...

Comment #1

I have several friends who are married to or in serious LTRs with men they dated long-distance (two couples actually "met" via Ivillage boards!).  It *can* work if there's a clear plan as to who would move and if you have the resources, either separately or together, to spend a LOT of time together (and not just weekends) before one of you moves so you have as clear an idea as you can of what "real life" would be like together..

Good luck and keep us posted!.

Sheri..

Comment #2

Thank you all for your input. my friends/family are all negative about it (probably b/c they don't want me to move) & making me think I must be crazy for even cinsidering a long distance relationship. but he seems nice and genuine, so I guess i'll just see where it goes..

And thanks kristy for posting the long distance link I guess I missed it yesterday, i'll check it out!..

Comment #3

Dont listen to these people. You know they are being selfish.  It is so hard to find the right person these days that you really cant allow anyone or anything to stand in your way of happiness...

Comment #4

I also believe long distance relationships can work as long as they don't become stagnant.  I recently ended a long distance relationship.  He and I were together for a year and half....800 miles apart.  We would see each other one weekend a month, swapping every other.  He worked at the corp. office and I at one of the other locations.  So, we talked at work and outside of work everyday.  But at some point, I got tired of it and felt like I was also missing something in my life.  We had discussed moving somewhere together.  He didn't want to stay where he was, and I don't want to stay where I am.  I thought it was all planned out.  Then I find out, the whole time (not to mention thousands of dollars) later, I find out he was just waiting to see how long I would continue it.  He was actually waiting for me to get tired of it.  I felt totally used.  But, you are one up, because I wasn't allowed to meet his family or friends - and now I know why.  So GOOD LUCK!!!  I mean that....and remember LDR's require a lot more flexibility and patience...

Comment #5

I met this guy a year and a half ago... we has great sex and then a month after the relationship (thru Match.com) started and I had made many trips to his house... 80 miles... he said he wasn't ready for me... well about a year later he calls back and says he's wanting to see me. I have been seeing him for about 5 months now and things are going ok.  I still make the trips to see him.  by the way his job prohibits him from being far from home..

Now he is too busy or too tired to call sometimes because he is on call 24 hours for 5 days.  Now He tells me he will see me in 3 weeks, that's in addition to the 2 already gone by.  He has time to  coach softball and go boating but I seem to be on the end of the stick. What do I do... He doesn't act like he wants it to be over but I am frustrated.  I want to be there and he doesn't really say much.  I want this to work and I think he does but I am afraid that not seeing him is going to create many problems..   What do I do?.

 ..

Comment #6

Its an opportunity to develop couple skills - i.e. communication, empathy, romance building - that will keep you in good stead when you finally live in the same city!.

,..

Comment #7

First of all, have you voiced these concerns with him?  I know even when you do say this stuff to men, they just think you're over-reacting and shrug it off which just makes you think they don't care.  If he is off 3 days every week and if he really cared as much as you do, then it seems to me that he would be setting aside time for you - even if just for an afternoon.  It's the little things that are important in a relationship.  You need quality time and need to know/feel that he cares the same.  80 miles is far away, but not too far for a day trip.  Was he doing all of these extra curriculars before too, or did they just begin recently?  I could state a lot of what if's and assumptions, but you really won't know what he's thinking unless he tells you.  I understand your frustration, believe me....but if he's not on the same page as you - either be patient until he has caught up to you or have a heart to heart and see what happens.  Keep me posted!..

Comment #8

Can it work?  Sure, yes.  It can.   With an equal amount of commitment and desire for it to work.  That's key.  .

The main challenge, as I see it, with long distance is that ... you never REALLY get to interact in each other's day to day lives ... which means REALLY getting to know each other difficult.   You kind of only get to see the good stuff ... and, much like you met on vacation, whenever you met up ... it's kind of like still being on vacation.  Kwim?.

Though you may talk on the phone everyday and email, etc ... there is no substitute for actual dating (online dating with Match.com) and interaction..

I'll illustrate a point:  << I went to visit him on the tail end of a business trip. I spent the wkend & had a great time. He paid for everything - took me to nice restaurants, we went dancing & sightseeing. >>.

You ever watch that (awful) show "The Bachelor" ... there's a reason why those relationships don't work out.   And that is, all of their interaction is done in a 'fantasy' world.   The weekend you describe above ... it's more like fantasy, vacation ... then, it is real life.    I mean, in real life, is he going to be doing the dinner, dancing, sightseeing thing every weekend?   Ummm, probably not.  You're in town for a short while so of course he's trying to impress you.   Which kind of makes it not 'real', kwim?    .

And so far ... that's all you know ... the couple times you've seen each other was your vacation ... and your visit where he wined and dined you.   You don't know what he's REALLY like or vice-versa in day-to-day environments. .

Just like the guys on that TV show don't do all those things in REAL life ... when those couples on TV get the chance to have relationships in REAL LIFE w/out all the stuff to impress them ... it no longer 'clicks' ... because all that magic is gone ... and now you're actually doing the day-to-day interaction (which is what REAL dating (online dating with Match.com) is) ... and not the dinner, dancing, being on vacation thing ... which isn't as exciting..

And, as long as you guys are long distance, all of your interaction will be him going to see you or you going to see him ... which means you'll be a guest in his town or vice-versa ... which means it's 'vacation' or get-away time ... it's not authentic day-to-day interaction..

Ok, so ... I'm not trying to be a bubble burster ... just consider these things.  I do think with only 300  miles it a lot more do-able ... because at least that's driving distance and/or cheap flight distance.   The fewer the miles, the greater chance for success.

Good luck!!.

 ..

Comment #9

Thanks so much for helping me out here!!  Yes I have voiced my opinions to him about our situation.... he is very laid back about it, almost like not worrying.  He says I worry too much.   All the things he does now to keep him busy he did before. He is a very BUSY person.  He says if he doesn't want me anymore he would tell me.... he is very honest with me.  I trust that.  He does call every day, as he has for the past 5 months.  We do talk about our days and nights... not really any problems there.  I think I am just a little impatient and wasnt everything right now.  He is very slow in the relationship (thru Match.com) and he has told me he will not rush this.  Doesn't he sound together?  I have a good guy for once and I am afraid I will ruin it somehow by worrying about things that he doesn't.  I agree that the day trip wouldn't be a bad idea.... I think when I mentioned it the other day he responded " we will check into that for sure..."  I think I need to chill out....

But he has been burned before and I think he is scared too.    I have to remember that he called wanting a second chance and he pretty much has lived up to what he has told me so far..... I think that my biggest problem is that I know that I am in love with this man.... and maybe I am rushing my own feelings..  I really don't want to lose him.    Our song is The best I ever had..... and he really is the best.   Thanks for listening........

Comment #10

It sounds to me like you do have a keeper.  My patience is being tested everyday in my relationship (thru Match.com) too for our own complicated reasons.  We girls always seem to want to move faster than the guys.  But, just like you, I believe my guy is a keeper and what we have doesn't come around twice, so I am being more patient than I have ever been with anything - because I think he and we are worth it.  And it sounds to me like you feel the same.  I wish you all the luck!!!..

Comment #11

Thank you so much.... you are so sweet.  Thanks for the gentle reminder that I need to be thankful for a great man in my life.... they don't come around too often....

Trisha.

 .

 ..

Comment #12


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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