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What are some common annoyances you encounter from online sites such as match.com, craigslist/other

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My first question is: What are some common annoyances you encounter from online sites such as match.com, craigslist/other .

My next question is: Problem: Every guy I meet wants to invite me over to their house before they even get to know me. WTF??.

So, I've been trying to get into the dating (online dating with Match.com) scene and have met a few guys of the past couple months. I met the first guy (26) on an online dating (online dating with Match.com) site. We emailed each other back and forth before we made plans to meet in person. In the one email he said something to the effect of : "Too bad we didn't meet each other a few weeks ago, it would've been a great Blockbuster night." I didn't read into it too much, I thought it was kind of cute and that he might've even been trying to be flirty. But in the back of my head I was thinking that it was too early in the process to go over to his house.

I met the second guy (26) at a local bar. He actually thought I was a girl from one of his classes- but later realized that I wasn't. After talking to him he seemed nice so we exchanged numbers. He called a few days later and tried to invite me over to his house. He didn't mention dinner, Happy Hour or anything typical. I suggested that we do dinner instead, he agreed and we did.

But he still keeps calling and just about every time he suggest that I come over and he has even tried to invite himself over to my place once. I always make up some lame excuse about being busy.

Now the third guy (looks about 24-27) I met this morning when I was getting off the bus. He approached me and said he noticed me on the bus a few weeks ago. Turns out we work in the same office building. I gave him my number after some small talk. He started texting me this morning and eventually asked me if I lived alone or with roommates. I thought it was kind of odd that he was asking, but I answered anyway and told him that I live alone.

I sent him an "LOL"- and he replied with a "No, I'm serious" and even said that I can come to his place if I would like. He also said something about how he feels that the best way to get to know someone is "Indoors...while watching a movie and sharing a few drinks." So, I suggested going to Happy Hour one day after work. He explained that he works too late to go to HH, so then I told him that I'm free later in the evening, implying around dinner time. Somehow he took that as meaning at night, and invited me to go to the club with him tonight (which would defeat his purpose of getting to know me- how well can you really get to know someone at a dance club?) I declined and reiterated my offer for HH on Friday (he told me he only works Mon-Thur.) He seemed really wishy-washy about it and said that he wanted to do something where he could have all my attention. I told him taht I knew of a low key HH spot.

I just don't understand why these guys are so eager to invite me over to their place before we've even got to the first date. I mean, how do they even know that they like my personality enough to invite me over so soon? Of course I'm thinking that they're just trying to get in my pants with the exception of maybe the first guy. I'm not conservative  by any means but it just seems normal to go out with a guy a couple times before you start having "home dates". Is this some new trend? I need some insight here...Thanks :-)..

Comments (10)

Your question was: What are some common annoyances you encounter from online sites such as match.com, craigslist/other .

These guys sound like they'd rather skip a few steps and just straight away get to the sex..It messes up the whole getting-to-know-process (if they are even interested in getting to know you besides your body) to jump to an unrealistic level of intimacy. Sure there are the exceptions but that's rare from my experience. That happy hour guy sounds like a chump. That whole club vs your quiet house is pretty fishy! Don't fall for it....

~Di..

Comment #1

I understnad your message title now.  This is strange.  Maybe all of girls need to educate the men of this world that it doesn't make good common sense to go over to or invite a new man to each others places.  It's against all the rules of dating.  I think if you really want to get to know any of these guys be striaght up and tell them "I like to place it safe in the beginning and meet in a public place".  If they take offense see if you can play it off with a "it's not you - I'd do this with any man I meet".  If they are still offended, I don't honestly think they are worth the time.   Walk away as fast as you can.  Sound like you live in a big city.  You have a big gene pool to choose from.  Have fun and don't worry about the dropping the weird ones.  And never compromise what your gut is telling you.  Keep up the good work and good luck.

Kristie..

Comment #2

When I read your post a few points came to mind..

-It might never occur to a guy that we need to be especially careful as single women. Safety with strangers is not as much of a concern for men. Sad reality of the day we live in. So it could be ignorance on their part..

-They just want sex and are pretty bold about setting the stage for it. Not exactly the most gentlemanly approach..

-They are broke and don't want to spend any money on dates, and lack the creativity to set up a not-so-expensive-but-still-nice date. dating (online dating with Match.com) men in their 20s can sometimes be awkward for this reason..

Still, three guys in a row??? That's a record!..

Comment #3

Based on all of the scenarios you posted, I'd have to say these men are either looking for a low maintenance woman or trying to get to know a woman to determine compatibility without spending lots of money.  I cant say I blame them for not wanting to spend  hundreds of dollars to find out that they and their dates are not compatible.  The problem is that many women dont feel safe "house dating" until they get to know the person better...and I cant say women are incorrect in wanting to play it safe at first. In addition, a woman wants to be taken out because it feels special - women have their whole lives to stay home and sit in front of the tv..

The Happy hour you mentioned is a pretty economical way to save money (provided you dont get trashed) and get to know someone - especially if it is in a quiet spot.  So it seems to be a good compromise..

If a guy doesnt want to compromise with you...especially when the beginning it is all about everyone putting their best foot forward...then they are not eligible for dating (online dating with Match.com) because they are too childish...

Comment #4

Thanks for the advice everyone, I think you're all right!.

Well, the first guy (Blockbuster Night) did actually take me out twice.  I can actually say that I don't think he seriously wanted me to come over when he mentioned it in the email, he never mentioned it again after that. I guess he wasn't that intereseted anyway since we only went out twice. I really hope that the guy I met at the bar gave up. I stopped answering/returning his phone calls. We only went out once and I'm not interested in him. Sometimes I wish guys would just get take a hint!.

Oh, and the guy from the bus is the worst guy I ever gave my number to (I don't think I'm ever going to give my number out again after this guy, I'm going to have to start taking numbers only)!!! I invited him to HH on Friday and he declined for some lame reason. Then I invited him out later that night and he still kept trying to drop hints about coming over. Even after I flat out told him that I would only meet him in public! I've deciced that I'm ignoring his text and I'm not returning his phone call (he had the nerve to call me at 12:30am last night (WTF!!!)- he kept texting before). I just hope he doesn't get enough balls to try to talk to me on the bus! He pretty much all ready ruined any chance he did have. (He has so many issues, I can all ready tell, but that would a whole new post!).

 ..

Comment #5

I agree. It definitely does sound fishy - you want to be with someone who will respect where you're at and the pace you want to take to get more intimate.  Good luck.

,..

Comment #6

Lol about taking numbers! That's a great idea ;-).

~Di..

Comment #7

Something I've found very helpful in meeting new guys is my "no number" policy with strangers. When I first meet someone, I will either trade email addresses or myspace ids. I do not give out my number to strangers anymore. I've found this approach to be a lot easier to manage. It sure beats giving my number out to someone who could very well be a lunatic!..

Comment #8

It seems to happen to me a lot too.  Don't know what is written on my forehead...but like you I wonder if this is some new trend.   Scary isn't it?   I try my best to be aware and keep them from doing this.   I must wonder why they don't take us seriously and seem only to want to "Hook up".     ..

Comment #9

I think you did the right thing, because even the most strong willed person could snap under a situation like that, and for you to not know these guys at all, for all you know any one of them could be a rapist and that is how you should treat them so that you can be careful...it is not a new trend, this happens to me too, and you know what I find out about them in the end? all they wanted was a good time and that they had way too many of these for me to even consider dating (online dating with Match.com) them...guys like these, need to grow up and learn that that particular brain is not the one that is important or the one that needs to take control.  sounds like these "boys" are just not on your maturity level, and are not looking for the same things you are.  I would say good luck and watch out...there are nice guys out there, somewhere, and if you see any, send one my way! lol!..

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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