Sweetie...Tonitoons is right subtlety is not on order in this situation. You need to tell him, in very clear language, that you are not interested in him. You no longer wish to see him. PERIOD. There's no need to be mean, but you may need to be firm. Don't use the word "think"....as in "I don't think this is going to work". Using that word often implies to some people that there may be a bit of ambiguity and gives them an opening to believe, however erroneously, that they can change your mind. And this fruit loop sounds like he might be one of them. So, "this isn't going to work out", or "I will not see you", or other language along those lines is perfectly acceptable and necessary here. You don't have to explain, justify or apologize for anything. A simple "no" should and does, suffice here..
If all else fails...nothing says "we're done here" like a restraining order!!.
<< How do I tell him I'm really not interested in him romantically or any other way? >>.
Cut him off. No subtle hints. And actually, with a guy like this, you would be doing him a favor to tell him exactly why ... that proposing on the 2nd date using Match.com is completely unacceptable and you are not at all interested in getting to know him better. .
Honestly, you don't owe him any favors. Saying the truth isn't being hurtful. Its protecting yourself. Who would you rather protect ... yourself or him? (yah, that's what I thought ... you!) .
Do not meet him again. Just have the convo over the phone. Or, even in this case, I'd say an email is fine. Its only a couple dates, right? .
Then, block his email. Don't answer his calls and be done with it...
Welcome to the board!!!.
Mental illness is such a hard thing to deal with. At least he was honest with you upfront. Being upfront is a good idea not hinting around. Be sure that you are in a public place and that someone is with you. Especially since he is showing signs of being obsessive. If he knows where you live, you will need to ask the neighbors to help you keep an eye on things for you and have a family member or friend that you check in with regularly. Change your phone numbers if you have too..
I know this sounds like going over the top, but we can't be too safe. .
I would tell him that based on the conversations you had on your dates you have decided that the two of you are not right for each other and you would like to not see him or speak to him anymore. If he suggests that the two of you remain friends, then what has worked for me is "we werent friends before so we arent friends now.".
No earrings and nail polish? Sounds a little Taliban-like, dont you think?..
Being subtle clearly won't work here. Tell him you appreciate his being so honest and candid with you about all his feelings and issues but you're looking for different things in a partner and it's better to cut things off earlier than later. You like your earrings and nail polish and to be independent. Say you wish him luck but your opinion is final and then don't respond when he contacts you..
Do you know anyone else in his life - friends, family,etc to get a read on him first and the best way to approach him. If so, consider this option. If not go to plan A as outlined above and don't let him manipulate you into continuing to see him. He'll get the hint/ Good luck.
Thanks to all of you for your replies. I kinda knew what I have to do. After posting my message I did a little more digging on this guy, hoping to find a way to deal with him. I had some really bad news about him and now know that he really needs to be avoided. I found out that the year he spent in the mental institution was by court order after committing a crime don't know what crime but that's more than enough for me to know what to do. I've tried avoiding him for the last few days (not answering his calls, etc) and so far he hasn't contacted me , hopefully he has got the message but I will have to tell him straight out that nothing will happen ...
Good luck with this one!! Sounds like quite a lot to deal with. Maybe and hopefully he will square his life away in the near future and then he will be ready for a relationship..