We've gone out for one month, so why is he still on

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My first question is: We've gone out for one month, so why is he still on

My next question is: Ok, so here's a question. Should it bother me that a guy friend of mine, who's been hinting that he wants to be my boyfriend, is considerably more feminine than I am? He swears up and down that he's not gay, and I really don't get that vibe from him (believe me, I can tell a gay man from a mile away), but he wants to watch chick flicks and listen to Sarah Brightman.

Now, I'm not a beer-drinking, football-loving kind of girl, but sappy movies and opera just aren't my kind of thing. Ordinarily, it wouldn't bother me. I'd just write it off as a character quirk and move on, but he's been making eyes at me and hinting that he wants to cuddle while we watch sappy, historical romance movies that make me want to barf with all the "proper manners" and passionless passion.

So is it supremely old-fashioned and backward of me that his sensitive, girly side is bothering me? I consider myself fairly progressive when it comes to gender roles, but I can't help but recoil when he starts talking about the beautiful costumes in whatever period piece movie he's discovered (again, reportedly not gay). Is it against the rules of "Girl Power" to want to date using a guy who isn't more feminine than I am? Any thoughts would be appreciated...

Comments (9)

Your question was: We've gone out for one month, so why is he still on

Hahaha, your post made me laugh....mostly because I think I'd be feeling the same way!  I don't think it's a question of "should" it bother youit clearly does.  I know when I think of the type of man I want to find, he's TOUGH, he's MANLY, he loves sports as much as I do, is not cheesy, and maybe he can fix a car or be able to survive in the woods for awhile if he gets lost.  I'm saying all of this very light-heartedly.....just because this guy might want to be your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to let him!  If you like him, then go for it, but if his girly side is going to be a deal-breaker for you....well, then, let the guy go find someone who is as into old movies and beautiful costumes as he is!.


Comment #1

No there's nothing wrong with being attracted to what you're attracted to and NOT attracted to what you're NOT attracted to you.  I too am very turned off by what people call "metrosexual" guys.  I AM a girl who likes football and beer sometimes but I can be girly too.  But I personally do not find myself attracted to guys who are prissier than I am or who wear more junk in their hair than I do or whatever. .

It sounds like the two of you are different in many areas.  You don't want to recoil or feel like you want to barf when hanging out with a boyfriend!  ;-)  This guy isn't for you.  It's not a crime nor should you force it because society tells you that women should want a man who is "sensitive".  There are all levels on that spectrum and this guy is too far off the mark for you.  No biggie.  Let him find a woman that will appreciate that because there will be one and he will also be much happier with a woman like that instead of with someone like you - neither of you will be as happy as you should be..



Comment #2

Hi Librarygirl8,.

Welcome to the board!!.

We can't help what makes us tick - and the other posters are right - just because he likes you doesn't mean you have too..

We shouldn't date using just to have someone to date..

Good Luck,.




Comment #3

Hi Sj4158.

Welcome to the board!!.

Thanks for sharing your input!.



Comment #4

You guys are so right. I've never wanted to date using this guy. I just wasn't sure that his feminine side was enough of a reason to turn him down. I hate it when my relatives and friends say I'm "too picky", so I appreciate getting some input from people who aren't emotionally invested in my relationships or lack thereof. Thanks bunches!B..

Comment #5

Your friend shouldnt make you barf.  You two dont sound compatible on any level, let alone romance.  A man can be insightful and open to new ideas without being too feminine for your liking.  If you dont like his behavior then nip this in the bud sooner than later or just dont hang out with him anymore...

Comment #6


This is interesting.  I think you're entitled to your emotions.  You own them and you have the right to feel them.  It doesn't sound like you two would be a good match.  If this is more than a little of his character then it might not able to be passed over. not a good sign, and no this doesn't violate girl power. .

I think you'll have to wheigh it up and see if this is a small part of him r a bigger part you just didn't know about..

All my best!.


Ps I have a message posted and could use some insight.  Thanks!..

Comment #7

You're feelings are understandable, we're so programmed to want macho man but use this as an opportunity to step out of the box, broaden your "type." .


Comment #8

I would think it was a good idea if the thought of his girliness didn't physically repulse her!  There are plenty of women who appreciate that.  If she is mentally and physically turned off by his actions and conversation, that is not going to be changed by stepping out of the box and "broadening her type". .




Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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