Your question was: Want friendship to be more.
Have you tried getting gussied up a bit when you are around him? Working on a ranch I'm sure your femininity and beauty tends to be hidden under your work attire and dirt and dust and whatever you have to work with on a ranch. It's good that you two have a good foundation from which to build a romance. Good luck!.
Edited 10/14/2007 1:03 pm ET by snafu2006..
Any time you want something more with a friend, of course you will risk the friendship, so just make sure of what you really want. ..
Do you really want to pull this guy away from another woman? Even if you think you're a better match, it's not up to YOU to make that decision and you're playing with fire to even think about it! .
And then the question becomes: would you WANT a guy who would so willingly leave the person he's with when someone else shows him interest? I would think the answer would be no. .
Leave him alone until he's single...
I'm sure you meant this reply for lynandpaint but it came to my email instead...
I disagree. The guy's not married. When I met my boyfriend, he had a girlfriend but it was just undeniable for us. We didn't believe in love at first sight until we met each other (I know that sounds so sappy, but it's true! lol) He broke up with the other girl right away. If there's a connection with someone else, there just is and it doesn't mean he is scum or will do it to you because you don't meet someone special every day. ..
Thank you for your reply. I have been doing just that and it does work.
This afternoon the other girl came out to visit him and he spent the whole time she was here helping me work on a problem with a horse. He was riding one and I was riding the problem horse. She was sitting on a bale of hay. We did get the problem worked out.
The girl left after an hour and I suppose I should have not let him use up all his time with me but I like him. He doesn't have a clue. He was supposed to take her out for dinner later and he said about 4 5imes that he just wanted to stay here and didn't want to go. As he left he came in the tv room and said he'd be back in a little bit. .
I don't know if I should say anything to him or just let it run it's course with the other gal first. She is a nice girl but I like him too..
Woot woo, sounds like he's interested to me. How exciting I would honestly wait and see what else he does. If he starts to be more obvious and forward about his feelings for you, then I would bring up the other girl to him (as in, ok if you really do like me, you need to dump that girl so we can go out!)...
Have you ever gone on anything resembling a date using Match.com - dressed up, romantic dinner, etc. Or had a home cooked, romantic meal, perhaps while watching when harry met sally?.
Have you asked if he is serious about this girl, talked about the kind of guy you want to meet? There are subtle but obvious things you can do and see if he picks up on.
He's taken me to a movie, and out to eat. We gp to a lot of horse ecents together, we've both cooked. He says he's not hungry and then eats seconds. I went out alone last Thurs. and when I got home he had cooked dinner for me and it was sitting on a plate. The next day he asked what time I got home last night. If I compete in horse events, most times he'll show up.
I've gotten dressed up and e's appreciated it. I've also touched his back, and he gives me amazing hugs. I believe I've been the most forward physically but not to the point of rudeness. He is responsive to a point but doesn't initiate further. I think I'll stop the touching and see what happens What do you think?.
I appreciate your answers, thanks.
Well...he definitely sounds like he is not so into this woman if he'd rather work out a horse problem with you than spend time with her. Some people can let go of a relationship (thru Match.com) if it doesnt work (without a safety net) and some people drag things out until they know there is someone else available..
He may be someone who needs to know that you want to date using Match.com him before he will break up with her. If that is the case, then you need to decide if you like that type of person..
I know you dont want to appear to be a b*tch to this other woman because she has not done anything to you personally, but you want this guy. When you are alone with him next time you could bring up the conversation that you had with him about him not wanting to go out with her and ask him if he is happy with her. If he says no, then you could mention your interest in him and see what he says. If he says he is happy with her, then you might want to leave it alone...
"Some people can let go of a relationship (thru Match.com) if it doesnt work (without a safety net) and some people drag things out until they know there is someone else available"..
HOLY CRAP. this was one of the reasons I had dumped my boyfriend! Because he had done this to someone else - he had said exactly this - that he was over her a long time ago but dragged it out until he met someone else to have a safety net, which I thought was so cruel! The thing is, is men are obvious about these things and I know his ex had to know that he wasn't that into her anymore, but she still decided to stay too because he was her whole world so I know she probably blinded herself to alot of things, people tend to do that to avoid facing what's real..
Anyway, I just think it's really cowardly to drag things out and cruel because it is using that person when you don't love them anymore! So when he apologized to me he said he realized how it was wrong. One of the reasons I originally got so upset with him was that he showed no remorse at all! We are all human and make mistakes, but if you don't show regret for those mistakes and at least try and be better to others, then that is unacceptable to me in a partner. ..
"Because he had done this to someone else - he had said exactly this - that he was over her a long time ago but dragged it out until he met someone else to have a safety net, which I thought was so cruel!".
"Anyway, I just think it's really cowardly to drag things out and cruel because it is using that person when you don't love them anymore!".
You are correct on both counts - cowardly and cruel. Cheers to you for recognizing that he would do the same to you in the end and dumping his sorry a$$. .
"One of the reasons I originally got so upset with him was that he showed no remorse at all! We are all human and make mistakes, but if you don't show regret for those mistakes and at least try and be better to others, then that is unacceptable to me in a partner.".
He probably did not show any remorse because he did what he had to do for HIM. He did not want to be alone and unfortunately every woman pays the price for him being a baby. Up until a couple of weeks ago I had a real huge interest in a man who also disappointed me in a number of ways, but one of the glaringly obvious problems was that he was into his image, his PR and did hurtful things to me and to others because he has to create controversy and PR for himself. All it did was make him look cruel, heartless and desperate. I dont know why at such a late age in life he is concerned about it, because he already carved a precise niche out for himself in life which didnt need any of the garbage associated with phoniness. But his "script" dictates his actions... and who wants to come in distant third to a pile of money and instructions by some moron and his ego? He made his choice...his "role" and his "role" never goes away. And I made my choice...ME...
Good for you! You sound like a strong person. I really admire that. I used to put up with alot of crap but I've learned my lesson. I give a couple of chances and then if they blow that one, we're done. I have been successful (thus far) in finding a balance between not being too quick to drop someone and also not being walked on... ..
Thanks. You have to be strong otherwise men will wipe the floor with you and your heart. I didnt know what came over me with this guy. I never get smitten without having dated someone for a while. This time it went in reverse and maybe that is why I felt so hurt by the last 5 months of some of his actions. He pretty much propositioned a women figuratively in front of me. He knew how I felt about him and it really didnt matter to him. And I got the picture...he doesnt care about me. He thought it was funny. Okay...I hope his funnies keep him warm at night cuz I'm not gonna. He did this to counter the other crap that he does to get people to question whether or not he's gay. He needs to fire whoever gave him this crappy recommendation. Too much drama for me, thank you. I'm sure he'll find some mail order bride one day to make him happy...
Oh my gosh, Snafu... I can relate to almost everything you say LOL It's hard to know where to begin!.
"You have to be strong otherwise men will wipe the floor with you and your heart. I didnt know what came over me with this guy. I never get smitten without having dated someone for a while.".
-> Ok, I have definitely been wiped on the floor! It was so bad, that floor was sparkling clean afterwards, unfortunately for me! And I wish I could hold back on the smitten part, but it's hard sometimes, especially when they are returning it so hardcore so you think everything is great and then they do a total 180! I'm on to that one though! I've learned my lesson..
"He pretty much propositioned a women figuratively in front of me. He knew how I felt about him and it really didnt matter to him.".
-> Grrr, this makes me so mad! I know evil is a harsh word, but to me behavior like this is evil. It is not just rude but cold and unfeeling and just... grrr!.
"Okay...I hope his funnies keep him warm at night cuz I'm not gonna.".
-> That's right, girl! And 9 times out of 10, I have found that they all come crawling back to me eventually. Both the ones I broke up with and the ones who broke up with me. In fact, this summer, several called me within a span of 4 days! It was really odd! I was like, is something in the water?? Of course, I did not pick up the phone for any of them whatsoever because they are all way too little and way waaaay too late! I don't know if it's they realize they were total morons cause I was the best thing that ever walked into their lives (ha! ) or it's just wanting something they can't have or whatever... But they all came crwaling back to me. ..
I have had the same EXACT experience as you: "And 9 times out of 10, I have found that they all come crawling back to me eventually." Even the casual relationship (thru Match.com) guys have done this with me. I think they like the tug of a challenge more than love. Like it gives them a high...the challenge is more exciting and arousing than the actual woman...more like drama fixation..
I saw a T-shirt at dept store recently that said "too little too late" - so I guess this happening to a number of women - otherwise why the run on shirts? Even during the best of times men do what they want to do on THEIR schedule. There is something to be said for taking the window of opportunity that presents itself to you. "Carpe diem" (seize the day) does play a significant factor in how I live my life. To me, if a guy doesnt respond during that window...chances are good I will not be able to recapture what I once felt. I dont do this to be mean and prideful. I have been physically unable to bring things back to "good" in my heart with exes or men in general. Everyone knows this about me...so it cant be a surprise to men. If a guy is going to be stubborn and not flex to changing times and situations...then he is one of those people (like my 2nd ex husband) who has to have everything set in a certain way. By that I mean it has to be "A, B, C"...it can never be "C, A, B" - and I hated that about my 2nd ex. Funny thing, is that this guy likes to rag on Pres. Bush for being stubborn and not changing his plan of attack in regards to Iraq once he discovered new info on the weapons of mass destruction...welllll....this guy did the very same thing in regards to me and discovering that I wasnt the player who he thought I was (he assumes all women are players)...and that I had very real feelings for him - he stuck with his original plan. I can see why he dislikes Pres. Bush so much...he's very much like him, hehehehe..
"Grrr, this makes me so mad! I know evil is a harsh word, but to me behavior like this is evil. It is not just rude but cold and unfeeling and just... grrr!"> Evil is a good word. Besides being disrespectful to me, he was also very disrespectful to the woman (the way he went about it) so not only did he play a game he played it with such low class that I couldnt help feeling bad for the woman (and her husband)...eventhough she is shallow and doesnt take much pride in herself..
This guy is old enough to know better. I dont want to "train" a guy to be a real man or to teach him how to treat a woman. He chose a path and now he needs to stay on it and leave me and my path alone. So I emailed him and told him that I changed my mind about him and requested that he not contact me in any way, shape or form. .
I watched this movie the other day, with Hillary Duff - I think it was called "A Cinderella Story". She falls for a guy online and they email and text each other and she discovers he is the quarterback at her high school and very popular. She decides to not disclose who she is to him upon discovering who he is. He lets her get abused by his friends and is rude to her in public. Coward. But, eventually she tells him off. She tells him (in front of his team) that he is cowardly and a phony. When he sees her leaving the football game he decides that he has to do something about his feelings for her and his life - because he was living a life that someone else decided he needed to live (his dad basically). So he decides to chase after her and they end up together. Now, this is a movie...I realize this. But if some snot nose teenager can give up a football scholarship and dare to question his dad's authority ... this guy could have done the same...if he was truthful about his feelings for me - but I see it was an act because he wouldnt have take a chance in losing me if he really cared, just my humble opinion. But like I said he chose his path...and I chose mine. I'll probably not hear from him...ever...which is okay because I told him not to contact me. And if he did...I would feel that it was "written into his script" to do so anyway...so no stretch for this guy...just more phoniness..