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My first question is: Username appears when opening match.com How do I prevent that? Already did tools, internet options, .

My next question is: Ok first off I'd like to say I'm male. I noticed that the boards are filled with advice for women, but I thought i'd ask in here since I need a female's perspective.I was playing basketball at a gym back in september when I noticed this girl come in and start playing basketball with us. I was floored the moment I saw her, and told myself that I had to talk to her. I am a very shy guy so I normally do not just go up to anyone and start talking to them...not even other guys. (im not bi-sexual, I'm straight, I'm just saying...im not very outgoing). So I talked to her and she turned out to be really nice.

Each time I ran into her, she always was the one to come up to me and say hi and start the conversation. I took this as a good sign, and decided to take the opportunity to get to know her better each time I ran into her. She graduated high school about 2 years, so I think that would make her 20 turning 21. She is taking 17 units at a community college. We are both studying to be nurses.

She's very friendly, and never made me feel like she wanted to end any of the conversations I had with her. One thing I noticed was that she would always dart out of the gym at 7:30 without saying or waving bye. She'd just be gone. Last week, on tuesday before thanksgiving, I ran into her again and felt that it was time to see if I could invite her to a Lakers basketball game. She didn't even hesitate to say yes.

By this time it was already 7:25 and I knew she was getting ready to leave. The game ended and she was still there! She came up to me and started talking to me and I had the feeling that I should probably ask for her number. So I did and she gave it to me. (She probably noticed my hands shaking as I was writing her number down) She then says she's tired and she has to go (wow she actually is saying bye this time). I told her I was leaving as well and so I walk out with her.

Then I say "How about I just send you a text message?" and she says "I don't get a text messaging plan until december 2nd". I pause and say "do you have myspace?" and she tells me how to find her on myspace and we both go our own ways. The next day comes along and I decide not to send her a message on myspace yet because I didn't want to seem desperate. Thursday comes along and it's Thanksgiving and didn't think it was a good idea. Friday....my birthday.

How was your Thanksgiving? Anyway, here are the upcoming Laker games that I can go to:Tuesday 11/27 @ 7:30pm vs Seattle SonicsThursday 11/29 @ 7:30pm vs Denver NuggetsSunday 12/02 @ 6:30pm vs Orlando MagicLet me know if any of these games will work with your schedule.-Chris"She doesn't reply to my message until tuesday 11/27 @ around 6pm. This is what she says:"oh my gosh, I'm sorry that I took so long to respond. Actually, I dont think I can make any of those games. I have class thursday and my friend from out of town is coming in this saturday. but I appreciate the offer.

Zoe"I don't understand how she came from seeming very interested in me and accepting my invitation to saying "but I appreciate the offer". I forgot to mention that I just turned 27. She didn't know my age until she saw my myspace which has my age posted at the top. What should I do now? Should I reply to her message? Should I try inviting her to a later game? Should I put the ball on her court and tell her to let me know if she still wants to go to a game and let me know when she's free to go to one. Or should I not reply to her message, and if she's interested she will eventually send me a message.I want you guys to understand that I am a very shy person, and I rarely get the courage to talk to a girl.

Honestly, that's the least of my concern. I've had 3 girlfriends and all of them were long term relationships. I'm into quality, not quantity. I waited 2 months and took my time before I asked Zoe to do something outside of the gym. I really like this girl.

She's the type that you would take home to meet your mom. I know I screwed up. I should have just taken her phone number, and just called her the next day. If she didn't pick up because she was busy, I should have left her a voicemail. But I'm not going to cry over spilled milk.

So please help!..

Comments (23)

Your question was: Username appears when opening match.com How do I prevent that? Already did tools, internet options, .

Respond to her email... ask for her #, call her and give it another try and see if she is available for a later game, she didn't know the dates of the game until you sent her the email so it is quite possible she was not able to go those times.. don't get upset because she waited a couple days to get back with you...you did the same thing with sending her the email on Sat because you didn't want to seem eager .... but if you get the same result again then I would leave the ball in her court....Good luck..

Comment #1

I already have her phone number. She gave it to me that night when I asked her if she wanted to go to the Lakers game. And I'm not upset that it took her a long time to respond. I expected it, since I did the same thing.I asked a couple of my female friends the same question and they just told me to reply to her with this:"ok no problem, i'll talk to you later.-Chris"so i've done that. now I don't know what else to do. I guess all I can do is hang tight right? let me know if there is anything else I should do.

Let me know what you guys think! thanks!..

Comment #2

Yes, just hang tight for a couple weeks, don't act any different when you see her at the gym, in a couple weeks if you want to ask her, pick up the phone and call, it's more personal. Good luck..

Comment #3

Hello Chris.. Here is my 50 cents : I would still show her somehow that you are interested. Some girls (me first) often wait for some more action from the guy and if he is being passive - they move on. On the contrary, even if we are not very interested with the guy (which is not even your case as you said she was into you at the the beginning) we appreciate the attention. I guess I'm not being very helpful with my advice coz 1. you are shy, 2.

But dont just disappear. Hang around, stay cool, eventually invite her out for a drink. Simplicity is sometimes the best option. If she is interested, she will respond to your attention. If not - oh well, her loss.

Good luck!!..

Comment #4

Picky2002, first of all thanks for your response. Everything you said makes a lot of sense. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she really was busy that week and couldn't go. She had told me from a previous conversation (before I got her number) that school is keeping her busy and that she would be done with school by the end of december. I am planning on calling her sometime in January after school is over and the busy holiday season is wrapped up. When I do call her, should I ask her if she is still interested in going to a laker game, or should I just invite her out for something unrelated to basketball/Lakers? But keep in mind, the way I got her number was using the Laker game. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes and that led to her giving me her number...

Comment #5

Hi Chris. I'm not an expert in the relationships and always careful with giving advices - hard to judge another person's (in your case - that girl's) feelings and motivations. if you really like her and do not want to let her go - don't just disappear and then contact her in January for the game. it's month away and would feel weird - at least to me personally. Once the moment is lost, it's harder to get back and to restart things. Do you still see her around? I do not mean to hassle her (obviously she has got other things on her mind right now) but to not let her forget that you exist.

Or go to cinema...whatever.. So that you leave the door open and let her contact you herself when and if she is available and interested. Coz the way you replied to her last email could also be interpreted 'oh well, see ya. bye'. You could give it a last chance before you turn the page.

You want to get to know her and to see if the spark is still on. She doesn't sound a bit 'distant' and I would (actually I am in a very similar situation right now...) just be prepared that there is a 50% chance that her interest is gone and that you should move ongood luck!!! hope that things will work out just great..

Comment #6

Chris!  Call her now!  Life is too short..

A Lakers game is a big date using Match.com that takes a lot of time and she'll probably be up late and have classes/work the next day.  How about calling her now and asking her for coffee/brunch tomorrow morning?.

Come on, just do it...

 .

Chick..

Comment #7

I agree - don't play games, give her a call, see what happens.

,..

Comment #8

Ok then, after reading your replies, it seems obvious that I should call her as soon as possible. I will go ahead and give her a call tomorrow and let you guys know what happens. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me!..

Comment #9

...one other thing. In the case that I get her voicemail when I call her, I should probably leave a message since she doesn't have my number and wouldn't know who it was that called. Should I just leave her a brief message along the lines of: "Hey Zoe it's Chris from the gym. I just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing. Go ahead and give me a call back when you can. My nubmer is.... talk to you soon" Or should I actually leave her a message inviting her to something?..

Comment #10

Ok so I called her tonight and she didn't seem bothered that I called her. She was friendly as usual and we had a pretty good conversation. She mentioned that she just turned 21 but didn't really get to enjoy it this weekend because the plans got messed up. Towards the end of the conversation I asked her if she was still interested in going to a Laker game and she said yes and that she was really sorry for not being able to make it to any of the games that I previously invited her to. I told her not to even worry about it and that I understood how busy it could get during this time of the year. She then offered to pay for her half of the tickets and I told her that she didn't have to since I was the one that invited her.

I explained to her that I do have a job and that it was ok, i'd pay for it. Then the conversation got a little weird, she didn't seem comfortable. I told her I didn't have any available games until January but I would call her again when I had the game schedule with me. She said that it was ok...she can wait till January but she may have some plans with other people in January. I told her that's fine and that I would call her when I have the game schedule so that we could plan it and find a game on a date using Match.com that would work for the both of us..

Comment #11

I know you really like this girl, but you are being awfully hesitant. Stop acting like a girl and start acting like a man. TAKE CHARGE! Why does it have to be a game? Call her up and invite her for lunch or dinner or coffee? She may be busy, but if she likes you she will find time to go out with you. It looks like you are only interested in attending a game with her, but not trying to get to know her in any other setting? I just don't get it. Be more spontanious and romantic, and stop planning so much. Women like guys who are determined and strong and do things just because...! Good luck...

Comment #12

Why am I showing you my pictures? As you can see I am not the type of guy who will attract a girl by the way I look. I am the type of guy who will attract a girl by my "niceness". My last girlfriend told me that she went for me instead of the other guy at the party because I was genuinely nice and that I didn't seem like the type of person who would take advantage of her or break her heart. My friend (female, who has a boyfriend of 10 years) wanted to set me up with her cousin because she said I was a nice guy who's loyal, honest, and kind-hearted. There's a lady that sits next to me in my nursing program for the past 8 months, who knows a little about my love life and she wants to set me up with her niece. She says that I'm a very nice guy and she trusts me with her niece.

When I met Zoe, I knew I wasn't going to attract her with my looks. And that is why I had to go and talk to her so that I could at least start a friendship with her and maybe she could see what these other people see in me. The reason why I asked her to go to a basketball game with me is because I didn't want to make it seem like it was a "date". I just wanted to be friends with her first and hopefully she'll like what she sees in me and maybe start to date using Match.com later down the road. If not, I wouldn't be so bothered because I'd at least have gained a new friend. This is the reason why I don't want to ask her out for drinks, or dinner or whatever.

I want her to know me better as a friend first and THEN ask her on date. I am willing to do anything else besides the game with her, just as long as it's not something that will make her think that it's a "date". Does this make sense?..

Comment #13

No it doesn't make sense because your logic is hooey (sorry!  :-)) about that you are not going to attract a girl by your looks but by your niceness.  Yes, a guy does have to be physically attractive to THAT woman in order for her to want to go out with him, but looks are incredibly subjective and each person has different preferences.  You are not an unattractive guy but if you come across even one tenth as insecure as you come off here, THAT is what makes you unattractive, not your looks.  If you come across as confident in yourself, your looks and what you have to offer, that will be more attractive to a woman than anything else..

And I agree with sash - get off the basketball game already!!!!  There are dozens of non-threatening, non-date-like activities that you can go to if that's what you're so focused on.  But honestly, I think you're fooling yourself.  If you like her and want to see if there can be more of a friendship with this girl, you need to approach it that way and she's either going to be interested or not.  Your hemming and hawing and all that is not attractive either and to me, I think it would be a bit frustrating that you have this extreme focus on taking her only to a basketball game.  And who CARES if it's something more like a date using Match.com such as drinks or dinner?  But if you're more comfortable, make it coffee or brunch or lunch some weekend - those things are less "threatening" and less date-like but would still give you a chance to get to know each other sometime in this millenium..

 .

 ..

Comment #14

Chris,.

I definitely understand your approach, and I appreciate you posting your photos. First of all, I think you are a very good-looking guy and definitely have a nice athletic body. I think that you need to get over your insecurities and work on your confidence. It's always a turn-on.

Second, I understand where you are coming from completely, but, in my opinion, your approach is destined for a failure. If she likes you; then, she is not going to get scared because you asked her out on a date, she can only feel flattered. Girls love being asked out on dates, and it makes us feel very special. I am sorry to say this, but you do need to have a little of the "game attitude" about this or you will end-up in the friends zone. And, once you are there, it's almost impossible to to get out..

You need to understand more about women that we love being pampered and treated nicely. We love to be pursued, and we love being asked out on a date. I think it's important that you show her from the beginning what your intentions are, so she doesn't confuse you with a friend. And, if she declines; then, she wasn't interested in you in the first place. But if you ask her out, act confident, and act like a real gentleman, she most likely will fall for you..

Also, I must add that we do love nice guys, but you always need to learn how to create that attraction. And, the way to do is to be spontaneous, determined, manly, and confident. Get over your shyness and good luck!.

And, again, you are really cute, so work on your self-esteem!.

SasH..

Comment #15

Vexer, I totally see what you're saying about how my insecurities can be very unattractive. And that is something I am definitely going to work on. I haven't really expressed my insecurities about my appearance to anyone else. Not even my close friends. I just decided to share it with you guys here on the boards because in order for me to get the right advice, I feel that you guys need to know information about me. So, I am almost 100% sure that I haven't come across as insecure to her.

But I do know that she probably saw my hands shaking as I was writing her number down when she gave it to me. And when I called her two nights ago, the phone kept ringing and ringing and I was ready for the voicemail, then she suddenly picks up and catches me off guard because I was ready to leave a voicemail. So I ended up stuttering in the beginning but luckily I was able to recover and say "Hey is this Zoe?....This is Chris from the gym..." I just need to calm down, stop thinking about it so much and treat her as if she was just another person in this world....which she is.I am going to take your advice and invite her to something else besides the game. I am going to call her and invite her to lunch sometime next week...

Comment #16

Sash...First off thank you for the compliments. I really do appreciate it. I don't think anyone has complimented me about my appearance since high school which was 7 years ago. This probably explains why I am insecure about my looks. It's time I stop focusing on that, and work on my self esteem and confidence. Like I told Vexer, i'm going to invite her to lunch and just get a feel for it.

So I think this would be a good start. If all goes well, then i'll probably invite her to dinner which is more of a "date" type of thing. I will definitely keep in mind all of the pointers you have given me. Thanks again!..

Comment #17

Hi Chris,.

 .

Try not to over think things.  Don't worry about being shy.  most of us girls don't want some over charmer.  Wait a day or two and give her a call.  You don't want to waist your time worrying about what she thinks if she's not interested.  Remember that you are worth her time.  If you think otherwise, she might see that.   I think it's a good idea to offer something else to do instead of a bball game.  They can take up a lot of time.  Maybe even meeting for coffee some night.  That way you guys can get to know each other and not take up lots of time.  Don't be too slow to show your'e interested.  I know girls are supposed to be so intuitive, but we really can't read minds.  Be yourself with her.  Anything else wouldn't work..

 .

Good luck!!!.

 .

 .

Kristie..

Comment #18

Chris,.

Good to know that I helped a little. Now, that's the attitude I am talking about!!! Sweep her off her feet with your charm and personaliy, and good looks..hehe ;-) Good luck!.

SasH..

Comment #19

You asked her to go the Lakers game and she didn't respond? That's rude. It's tickets with a certain date.  If she responded and said she couldn't go then sure feel free to call again at some point.

,..

Comment #20

She responded, but she couldn't make any of the days I invited her to because of class and a friend coming to visit from out of town. I'm going to call her on monday and see if she wants to grab coffee or some lunch sometime during the week...

Comment #21

...because I really like her from what i've seen so far. And it doesn't hurt to try, i've got nothing to lose, and a date using Match.com with her to gain...

Comment #22

That's true, but haven't you asked her out a couple of times already?  I hate to tell you this, but it's not looking good. If she really was interested, even if she had something she absolutely could not get out of, she would have offered another specific day herself.  If I like a guy but I am busy for the day he asks me out I will encourage him by saying, "But I'm free ____" .. tomorrow, next wednesday, whatever. ..

Comment #23


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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