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There is no way i can see my emails in match.com without subscription??

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My first question is: There is no way I can see my emails in match.com without subscription??.

My next question is: Ok I'm probably being a little dramatic here.  But I SELDOM date using Match.com or allow myself the "distraction" caused by dating (online dating with Match.com).however I'm in it now and really out of my comfort zone !!I posted early feb re: "co worker or more".  We don't see each other much at work (weeks could go by easily).  Early Jan we had a quick chat discovering we're both on same dating (online dating with Match.com) site.  I warned him of all the "crazies" he'd find ha ha.  He's brand new divorced from woman who cheated miserably and he's trying to get custody of his two kids, right now they're on a week on/off with her needing them to go with him alot more than normal.  Ok by him except for the short notice..

I initiated email from that site and over the course of Jan we started with light funny and got into more serious life topics.  He had a couple bad dates, as I had warned.  Finally Feb 1 the site had an event, he'd asked me if I wanted to go as "friends" and he'd never date using Match.com a co-worker.  I was ok with it cause still not really "after" him so to speak.  We went, did not join the group - and had  a great evening.  Went out again a week later, good time.  He treated both times.  I then said "my turn" to invite him out.  He said "are you asking me out" I said "lol DUH".  anyway, another night out - this time back to his place to watch movie.  Fourth time "out" he cooked me dinner at his place.  Fifth time out he took me to dinner and back for a movie at his place.  Sixth time he had an hour before picking up kids and came for a beer/brought me dinner.  Then I had him to my place for dinner.. wine. conversation.  That was Wed.  The dinner nights usually go well past midnight..

During our Wed conversation, I mentioned never having been to an area 4 hours from where we live.  He said "we'll have to fix that" and asked when I'd have a weekend off.  I'm the boss but he knows I'm a workaholic and work every weekend (really only cause I've nothing better to do).I said anytime really.  Mind you this was after we'd each drunk a half bottle of wine..

Saw him at work Thurs after the dinner wed - I was alone as the receptoinist is sick so he could come chat.  Commented on the good dinner/good night etc.  He left but after five minutes came back.  Seemed to struggle with asking "when will you have a weekend off so we can go to ###".

Sorry I'm rambling..

Soooooooooooo.  I emailed Fri morn saying if he wants me to take a weekend off - best to just kidnap me - period.  THat would work. .

At work, we don't let on we really know each other.  Funny thing is the boss suggested to him last week that he ask me to go to a company event with him.  He only comes in to chat with me if I am alone.  Although Wed (again, wine) he mentioned that he "didn't care at this point if they figured us out"..

Anyway.beautiful day today and I was not kidnapped.. AND bothered by the fact that he'd not replied to my email.  I know - crazy of me !!  So I did the one thing I NEVER do (like I said - out of my comfort zone) and I called him.  Yes I'd only ever done so to let him know I was "on my way".this was just bammm out of the blue.  He answered - I mentioned the sunny perfect day and asked what he was doing.  Had to go do a kid thing and go out of town to do something.Said it would have been a perfect day to head to ### to which I said "yeah that or fishing even".but he's busy.  Said he got my message and just about decided to ditch his plans and come kidnap me.  I said that's ok there are other weekends (he said yeah but you seem booked the next couple).I reminded him that he's got his kids the next 3 weekends.  so we'd not be able to go anyway.  I mentioned easter being four days though to which he said yeah that might be workable if he and the ex split the weekend into two days each..

SO MY DILEMMA sorry it's taken so long because as I read it all - there is NOTHING WRONG lol and I'm crazy to be writing this all out !!.

But - - he's not ONCE kissed me or held my hand.we don't even cuddle when watching movies.  A Hug goodbye is it. .

Yet unless I'm totally dense - he has in fact suggested an overnight trip to a very beautiful place.  Four hours one way would not be a day trip would it ?? .

I understand he's reeling from divorce.  She messed with him good.  And the first girl he dated wound up being a gold digger and further broke his heart.  ANd in our early emails I had made reference to being a little put off by how 'fast' everybody moves nowadays.  Soooooooooooooo.maybe he's just being respectful ?  Also, our first night out he said "he's not online for entertainment, is lookign for someone real" AND "I could never have a casual fling it messes with my head".  My friends tell me to make  amove but I am stuck on the first tim ehe asked me out saying "it's not a date" and "we'll go as friends and still be friends tomorrow" type of thing. .

But seroiusly - he'd not be taking me out so much, cooking, and chatting literally EVERY NIGHT with me for hours if not "dating" me ??.

Oh - and I'll fess up - the reason I'm probably all flustered right now is that he's not been online either yesterday night, or tonight, which is strange.  Giving me a bad feeling.  He doesn't have his kids so it'd been a great night to go out.  I had kinda thought this morning when I called him that if not a day event, he'd suggest an evening date. .

See - when you all call me crazy to worry about this I'll remind you that I normally AVOID dating (online dating with Match.com) like the plague for this precise reason.  I'm an absolute NUT-JOB !!.

But I feel better already having spilled this all..

Seriously though  - if anyone has any thoughts re: the lack of physical I'd love to hear it.  I'm very happy with the pace but just having a simple kiss or hand hold at this point would at least CONFIRM for me that we're dating (online dating with Match.com).lol cause that's the milloin dollar Q for m e- are we dating (online dating with Match.com) or "hanging out" ???????????.

 ..

Comments (6)

Your question was: There is no way I can see my emails in match.com without subscription??.

There was alot in that post, so I'm probably forgetting some stuff.. but I would say, be wary of what you say to someone esp when you first go out or whatevs.  My first thought is that comment you made about rushing.  Maybe he's just being respectful...

Comment #1

How do you feel that you blew it?.

He seems like he would like to date using Match.com you - but his lack of physical contact has me confused too..

I know you are stuck on the "its not a date" thing.  The next time you see him kiss him hello or goodbye on the cheek and see how he responds to affection in general.  If you are the affectionate type and he is not, it would be good for you to know now.  Try touching him when you speak to him - you know the normal touching that tells someone that you want to exchange affection with him.  See how he responds to that too.  If you start with just some basic touching and affection it might make him more apt to make a move.  If he doesnt make a move soon then you'll just have to do it yourself to find out once and for all where he's at...

Comment #2

Thanks BlairBear.  Probably has everything to do with my comments on people going to fast.  Plus he said the same about himself - not into casual flings. .

So I'm absolutely holding my breath with anticipation that this might actually be a "nice" guy.  It's a new concept to me I must say..

Snafu.I'm giggling because "how did I think I blew it" - ha ha I actually deleted that part of the post as I thought I had too much info.in my "kidnap me" email I also extended an invitatoin to an event next saturday that would include his bringing his kids.  I dunno, worried that crossed the line as I've not met them.  But I simply indicated that my friends putting on this event had let me know they're not at capacity, and I am free to add some names to the invitation list if I knew of anyone ...  I'm taking my nieces. . I have told him about it and he'd said he'd have to go to the thing (only the public opening not the private one I've got). .

I don't think it was too much though as a couple weeks ago he had mentioned he was going to invite me to the movies with him and the kids.. I've had his kids talk to me online too if they're home with him.I'll get a "*** says Hi" or "*** says you're pretty" ..plus they go to school with my niece so they're kinda friends anyway. .

Andddddddddddd.I think with the first "girlfriend" he had since divorcing, he moved waaaaaaaay too fast with her.let the kids meet her and thought they were really "going somewhere".then she bam droppedhim out of the blue.  He now realizes it's cause she was a "gold-digger" and she's since found a guy with more gold.  Soooooooooooo I'd venture to say he learned a lesson there about going too fast.  12 years of marraige -todays dating (online dating with Match.com) scene is probably a hell of a culture shock !!.

Guess maybe I'm just stewing cause he's not been online now all weekend and I'm used to chatting with him DAILY. .

Like I said - I am a NUT-JOB !!.

I blame it on too many men having done the "ghost" thing on me.  Well only a few - like I said, I don't date using Match.com much.  Am in school and work alot.so keep too busy to normally get out there..

I have convinced myself over the years though that the MOMENT I "believe" a guy is real he "poofs" and vanishes on me.  So I was out with friends Friday night and told them all about him (first time I've done so) and of course now he's not online.  Ha ha so I'm convinced I jinxed it by opening my big fat mouth ha ha ha..

Another thought though, which I even thought myself would be wise - is to kick the habit of this msn chatting thing with him - and try to keep out "conversations" to "real life".  So a few times I considered not being online just to save up for when we see each other.  He could be thinking the same thing..

Blah blah blah.

What I need to do is NOT sweat the fact that he's not been online. . go with the flow and "believe" that if he invited me just this past Thursday and then we discussed it briefly on Saturday a.m.. then he means to go away for the weekend and we'll just let that happen. .

A guy who isn't in a mad rush for sex is a relief even if it does puzzle the hell outta me.  Keep having to remind myself he was in a bad marraige for years so is probably used to going without for long periods of time. .

I'm sorry everyone for all this blah blah blah cause it doesn't seem I really have a major problem here - in fact it may be the starting points of a really great thing here.  I will say talking about it like this is really helping me to feel better as I point out all the little things that "make sense" and help to maybe explain things a bit more...

Comment #3

I'm sure you didnt jinx anything yet.  But you are not alone in that superstition, hehe.  So many women..hehe...are like you and dont speak about ANYTHING to do with a guy unless it goes beyond a few months.  There were guys I dated that my mother and my friends at the time never knew about because I find it is better to withhold until there is something worth talking about...and even then...dont speak too much about him to your buddies - details.  Now...I'm so glad I kept my mouth shut..because everyone's chatter became a group chatter and they intruded in my life in the worst way..

There was one guy who was more of a lover than a BF and he and I knew each other for a while.  We kept our conversations to telephone and in person instead of messaging and email and it went much better that way.  So you are on the right track by taking hold of that potential communication error.  Anyway, he would pop in and out of my life every now and then..not in a bedbuddy kind of way (been there done that)...more along the lines of someone who wanted get real close emotionally with someone who he also was attracted to - but not date using Match.com in a formal sense.  Not FWB - something *other*...that's about all I can say.   So..what do you do?  There's noone special in your life so you go for it, right?  After about 3 or 4 pop-ins in my life we had to have a conversation about his scheduling..hehe.  Because he always had bad timing.  But...what I was hoping to get at with you is that it started off kind of like your situation - we'd go out - no nooky or affection or anything like that.  Then...*boom*...here comes the sex.  So hold on to your hat because if and when you finally have sex with this guy...it ought to be good.  I prefer kissing and affection right from the get-go ... just more of my style.  Then again I do move quickly in the sex dept once I decide that I have to have him ((chills)) ... those were the days...*sigh*.  I  havent dated or have had sex in eons so when I do encounter someone who reciprocates my interests I'll have to take out my celibacy on the poor shnook over and over.  Hope whoever he is has endurance, hehe.  C'est la vie!..

Comment #4

<< lol cause that's the milloin dollar Q for m e- are we dating (online dating with Match.com) or "hanging out" ??????????? >>.

Ummm, how 'bout just asking him?    (and don't worry about looking like a 'nut job' if you ask ... I think given what you've described that he would understand your confusion ... and it could come across as endearing, not at all, 'nutty' by asking ... there never ANY harm in asking for clarification). .

 ..

Comment #5

Hi Sandy,.

You didn't blos it at all.  Try not to over think things too much!!.

My BF is a single Dad as well.  Mine has full custody, so his time is really hard to steal, but he's getting good at making sure to have "alone" time with me.  He wants it too.  Your guy will have to let his kids take his time first.  Their Mom doesn't sound too stable and so plans might get broken at the last minute because of this and sometimes it will be because of his disrespectful ex.   Your man will learn to deal with this and get it under control.  Mine's been divorced for a few years, so he's got this down for the most part. .

Before you get into this relationship (thru Match.com) any further - have you thought that if things work out with him that you will be a stepmom and are you okay with this?  Your work will change having kids around!!  Just something to think about.

Oh, and remember he still wants a little alone time just like we do, so I wouldn't worry when he doesn't call to go out everytime he doesn't have the kids..

Good Luck,.

 .

 .

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Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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