The big older woman/younger man question

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How does everyone feel about age differences in dating? This is where I am now. I'm 30 and I just want a relationship. Haven't had a long-term one in 4 years and the last 6 month one was about two years ago. I've gone out with various men throughout the last couple of years I've been single and focus mainly on the 30-somethings. I don't know whether I'm immature but I find myself being attracted 20-somethings even though I know they can't give me the kind of future a 30-year-old woman desired. They're cute, funny, sweet and free of any hang ups or wounded hearts.

One guy on a first date using started talking about his ex who he was engaged to and how he doesn't regret the choice he made even though he talked about her for a good five minutes. Another started talking about his difficult childhood and how his parents never loved him. Most of the time, it's conversations about exes and the ones that got away. Or they start talking about marriage and commitment when we barely know each other. I just don't want to go on a second date using with a guy who starts with that on date using one and I just want to be with someone fun who smiles and jokes around with me.

So I'm considering dating (online dating with younger again. Yes, I said again because a few years ago, I wasn't averse to dating (online dating with someone say, 4 years younger and he was the love who broke my heart the most. The fact that he was younger was what ended it since I wanted the kind of commitment a younger guy couldn't give me. So I swore off younger guys completely and have been avoiding them like the plague even though they seem to be attracted to me. The best part is they think I'm in my mid-20's since I have some kind of crazy genes that cause me not to age.

Do you think it's worth a try dating (online dating with someone a couple of years younger or am I just asking for heartache again? I'm not having success with men my age so I'm thinking that maybe I should expand my horizons and not limit myself by rigid age standards. What do you all think?..

Comments (10)

Your question was: The big older woman/younger man question.

I personally think age doesn't matter. And what's this about your genes? You act like 30 is like 50 or something LOL Well, I'm 20 and everybody I meet thinks I'm like 17 or 18, it's embarassing.....

Comment #1

Well, I'm 30 so I don't expect younger men to understand what a 30-year-old woman desires in her heart but it's not the same thing as a 20-year old desires. By genes, I get mistaken for someone in her early/mid 20's so I get a lot of younger guys. They are cute and they do flirt with me but I turn them down because I'm afraid it won't work out or they're just into the idea of getting with an older woman to see what it's like. Some I meet are mature for their age but I'm still afraid some little hint of immaturity is going to creep out when I least expect it. I guess I'm considering someone younger I know and I'm afraid to take the leap because he's the type I see myself falling for really hard. I don't want to set myself up for disapointment with a guy who can't give me what I need...

Comment #2

I guess you'll never know unless you give it a shot... It's tough to lump everyone together, because of course there's always exceptions to the rule and he could be it, right? I huess it depends on you whether you want to take the risk or not...

Comment #3

If your intention is to just have a nice time whether it last a few months, 6 months or a year - then go for it. there are younger guys out there who may not be adverse to getting serious with an older woman. Alot of 20 somethings want to have experience with older women because they feel the sex will be better. If you feel your heart getting in the way, then I would suggest redirecting your radar elsewhere...

Comment #4

Please don't let your imagination and assumptions control you. You're basically setting men up for failure before you even meet them. Given all the things you are afraid of, it's going to be incredibly difficult for a man to gain acceptance from you. Men want an enjoyable relationship (thru that is equality-based and mutually-beneficial. If we are required to run an obstacle course because of your assumptions - then most of us will have no interest in doing that because your assumptions have nothing to do with us...

Comment #5

Women mature faster than men. An older guy will have more hangups, no doubt, because he has more experiences than a younger guy. Use these experiences to learn more about what your partner needs at the moment. Parents that never loved him- be extra sweet and shower him with kind words and thoughtful messages. An ex they can't get over- show him what makes YOU unforgetable. No one is perfect, no matter what their age. Younger guys are usually immature and unable to handle an older woman...

Comment #6

I like what you have to say. I try to be sensitive but when they tell me these things early on as in date using one, it kills the mood. I guess I'm having no luck in my age bracket lately and the temptation of younger men is appealing since I work around a lot of younger guys who are so personable, intelligent and fun to be around. It's making me reconsider but I feel that you are right. It takes a special kind of younger guy to understand an older woman and stick with her for the long run. I had a rare one a few years ago but even he couldn't live up to the idea of forever with me.

I guess I'm just reconsidering what I previously rejected as a dating (online dating with prospects because I'm having a hard time meeting someone compatible...

Comment #7

Do you have any older guy friends that could help with advise? I work with 7 guys and 1 girl in my office. It's really nice to hear their side of the story on certain issues. Most of them are older and a few are younger. I really cherish the advice from the older guys. The younger guys usually just try to make light of it, or say something really out in left field. I'm 38 and looking for a long term relationship, so I know where you are coming from.

But I'm raising 2 young kids and a teenage girl, not too good on paper. I have to keep this in perspective and respect that everyone comes with something they want to unload. I'm just hoping to find a sweet guy that can relate to what I'm going through, and in turn- help him figure out that there is a woman out there that understands. My current soon to be first date using has shared custody of his 5 year old and takes care of his mom that just had a stroke. Not many girls would want to be a part of this, but he seems really sweet, and he's a good guy..

Comment #8

I have some guy friends and most of them are in relationships but I never bothered discussing things like that with them. I met a couple of guys a couple of years older than me in the last year who I clicked with and dated for a while. They said they were looking for something meaningful but oh well, I guess they thought I wasn't worth it because they dumped me with no explanation. If I meet a guy younger than me who seems mature and who's heart is in the right place, I won't turn him away like I have with other younger guys before them. So many younger guys I meet seem really sweet and kind. One is really pursuing me hard and all I did was smile at him one day.

I'm childless so I don't have to worry about raising children like you and although I'd like to have some within the next five years or so, I'm not in a rush and besides, first I have to get over the hurdle of getting a committed relationship. Thank you for understanding. It's complicated being a woman...

Comment #9

OMG is it ever complicated LOL I always wanted children. Now I'm having one alot earlier than expected...

Comment #10

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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